So Sad Grown-ass People Can’t Tell Opportunity From Frustration

Here is to finding clarity

I was like that until a few years ago. I wanted to take a shot at everything that looks promising. It doesn’t matter whether it was a fit or not. I was going to bend myself to fit into it. But I have since learned that it is foolishness. Let me explain.

An Actor’s Advice

I saw a clipped interview with a successful actor several days ago. It was kind of informal. It was at an event, possibly an award event. He was wearing a tuxedo and standing in the room, close to one of the windows.

The reporter asked him if he had any words of wisdom for young and upcoming actors. And he gave a contextual understanding that has stuck with me ever since.

He said, at the beginning of his career he was going to auditions to get jobs. But after a while, he changed his thinking. He stopped going to auditions to get a job. He started going to auditions to act. He started going to do what he loved the most and wanted to do. Whether he gets the job is out of his hands.

He said he stopped bothering himself about things out of his control. He just did what he knew how to do. Auditions (for him) were not to get a job, instead, auditions are a part of the job he has devoted himself to. For him, this mental switch changed everything.

When he made that change, everything else improved. He started getting more roles and opportunities.

The more he ignored things outside his control, the more things worked out better for him

That made a profound effect on me. It also made me realize something Samuel L. Jackson said once. He said, when you care about the art, everything else takes care of itself.

Care only about what you can control. Leave the rest. That seems to be a good idea. But why is it so hard for so many people?

I get it when young people make such mistakes. But when grownups make this blunder, it is more baffling.

First Grownup Step to Success

There is nothing more delightful to see than someone who has every reason to be desperate but is not. Someone who is calm and chilled, when the situation around calls for desperation.

Some people really think desperation is a good thing. They think there is honor in being paranoid. But there isn’t.

They jump on every opportunity and try to wrestle themselves into it. They try to fit themselves into a box they are not meant for. In other words, they plunge themselves into frustration and then later wonder why they are frustrated.

I see this a lot with people out of jobs who then apply to 126 job openings in 3 days. I don’t care who you are, there is no way you are a good fit for 126 job openings within a 72-hour window.

The company is looking for a good fit. But you are just looking for a place where they will pay you. That is a disrespect to yourself. That is disrespectful to your value.

I’m not saying you shouldn’t apply for jobs if you need one. I’m saying don’t slave yourself for money. Don’t plunge yourself into frustration.

What should you do instead? I’ll tell you. But before that, you should learn this phrase.

The Most Empowering Phrase for Grownups

In my opinion, one phrase is the most empowering thing for a grownup. It is this:

That’s not for me

The opportunity can look stimulating and exciting. But you take a deep look and say, “That’s awesome! But it’s not for me”.

This is so liberating. You have to understand that there are things for you, and there are things NOT for you. This is what helps you distinguish between opportunity and frustration.

Let’s say someone tells you about an opportunity. No matter how desperate you are, you have to consider if it is right for you. This is not to say that you should dismiss everything that doesn’t sound right without any consideration. No, consider according to your parameters.

Ask yourself — does this opportunity support who I want to be? If it does not, then it is frustration for you. And not just that, if you occupy a place that is not for you, you are helping the world in becoming a more messed up place.

That is because you will neither be happy nor fulfilled. And you will pass that on to others in your every communication. Learn to say, “Thanks! But that’s not for me”. Don’t take what is for someone else.

Learn to pass opportunities to your friends that will be a better fit. Don’t think of how to reduce yourself to fit into something. Instead, think of your friends and associates. Like, “Oh, this will be a fantastic opportunity for Susan”. Just because the opportunity came to you doesn’t mean it is for you. Learn to be a good conduit.

When they say, “Oh, he is such a nice and handsome guy, why don’t you agree to date him?” You say, “He’s great, he’s awesome, but he’s not for me”. You have to know who is for you. You have to know what is for you.

This is the way to avoid a life filled with frustration.

What to Do Instead of Settling for Frustration

Okay. Back to the “need a job” example. What should a person in that situation do?

First, never be desperate. If you are desperate, you will take a bad deal. You will be frustrated. What you need to do is to convince yourself of your value. And then, find a way to showcase that.

If you want to be a writer, write. Don’t wait till someone is willing to pay you to write. Write every day and share it online. If you want to be a musician, go record some music, release it, and make multiple videos about it on social media.

Don’t tell people what you can do, show the world what you can do. That is what attracts the right fit opportunity to you

The CV is a way of telling people what you can do. Content on social media is a way of showing people what you can do. And there are all forms of content platforms depending on what you want to showcase.

Why are you applying, when you can be showcasing?

Stop looking for opportunities. Instead, attract opportunities. Show yourself as who you want to be. And every good thing on that level will match up with you. This is the way.

Conclusion

It is so sad that a lot of grownups cannot tell the difference between opportunity and frustration. And the difference is simple.

Frustration is that which you try to stick yourself into that is not consistent with how you see yourself.

Opportunity is that which matches who you see yourself becoming.

Make wise choices for your life.