the second of my 3k posts a day: guaranteed not to be written by a.i.
smillew on his way to accepting his gold medal from Philip
“where is this awards ceremony?”
Philip: Right this way, Smillew. ‘Tis a glorious day for your knighthood and condomnation — condemnation, i mean, commendation. English is a shit language, if you ask me.
Smillew: Damn right, you are. And it’s ‘bout time you Brits recognize my innumerable talents.
Carrie Ann: (author of ‘golf is flog spelled backwards’) ¡Smillew! ¡Donnae trust him! ¡Look at his face! He’s leading you into a trap.
Philip: Ha! You’re the one to be talking of traps after what you did to poor Smillew last year.
Carrie Ann: I dint hang the glow-in-the-dark condoms on his Christmas tree, it was —
Philip: — Pfft! You know what I’m talking about.
Carrie Ann: ¡No! Not that one. . . We only published with Redemption once. It was horrifying. Anacita (Carrie Ann’s 7-year-old niece, best friend of Billy Smillew) had nightmares for weeks.
Smillew: I walked and swam 16,252 kilometers (10,098.525 smillew.miles) to accept this shitty award? Carrie Ann was right. I’m never going to trust Brits again!
Philip: Butt, (kim kardashian’s) but — look, it’s made in America.
Smillew: So are seven of the best writers on medium.coma. Out of 60 million. Too bad, they’re medium.rarely posting.
Barack Obama, Mark Suroviec, M.Ed., Genius Turner, Kristen Stark, Andrew Yang, Edward Robson, PhD, MFA, Mike Knittel.
