THIS MAN’S UP FOR JESUS
Smillew is Yet Another Scientism Propagandist Holding Back Men
As an infinitely saved male with big deity energy, we can’t let him gaslight us
Smillew, a worldly atheist, recently launched into a childish tirade about the Hollyweird film Barbie stating that it was a propaganda piece created by communists who want to prop up the matriarchy. Smillew went on to mention the the false idols of Ben Shapiro, Andrew Tate, and evolutionary psychology.
Personally, I’d rather be pretending I watched “The sound of Freedom” than to respond to this prattle.
Before, I go further I’d like to thank my lord and savior for the imbuement of heavenly grace necessary to dispense this salacious cur once and for all.
I’d also like to thank my sponsor, MyCushion. Use the coupon code “Jan 6” for 16% off of any purchase. Get a better night’s sleep knowing Nancy Pelosi doesn’t have her laptop. Amen.
Smillew launched into a disgusting, vile tirade about women and their matriarchal ideologies destroying the world for nearly 100 years, citing nature and art. He was sickeningly wrong.
The church needs a new roof and a good lawyer to fight off a couple of harassment charges. Click here to drive Satan back to hell with USD. Prayer just doesn’t seem to be working this week.
Smillew is wrong about the 100 years bit. Women have already destroyed the world for over 2,000 years, when Eve took a bite of that Apple in the Garden of Eatin’.
Men are the dominant force on this planet. We don’t need fancy book learning or degrees to derive our worth. And we sure as shootin' don’t need a pandering movie from Greta Thunberg and her and her beard Noah Baumbach examining the inanity of gender roles. “Barbie” is clearly a garden of earthly delights for women that like to play fast and loose with their maidenhoods that belong to their fathers. What men need is the support of a book of unverifiable origins with no mention of the internet or WiFi to tell us how to dominate women.
Smillew’s masculinism isn’t extreme enough. Smillew thinks that men are ‘alphas’, but only the LORD is the alpha AND the omega. It’s the Gutenberg press, not the Joe Rogan Press Experience. Try that scientism in a small town. You’ll soon find out that the final castle doctrine occurs at the pearly gates of the Kingdom of Heaven. I have it on good word that St. Matthew doesn’t know CPR.
Smillew’s final words included “thoughts and prayers”. Smillew, your thoughts and prayers won’t save your soul from eternal damnation. Have a blessed day.
-Frank O. Wright
Frank ‘Over’ Wright has been a youth pastor at Methane Blast Church and Cattle Ranch since 2014. Frank has published over 329 Op-Eds to the local 4-H newsletters in the past two years.