Relationships / Psychology
How Your Smartphone Might Damage Your Romantic Relationship
And what digital visibility says about your relationship
Put your mobile away when others are around — it’s rude otherwise. That’s what my mother used to tell me.
She was right. Communicating with people who are using their smartphones is awkward. The tiny devices have found their way into our relationships; after all, we spend day and night with our partners & our mobiles.
How does a smartphone affect your relationship? What does your digital life reveal about the quality of your relationship? Here are possible answers.
The digital visibility of your relationship says a lot
Sometimes, I play a nasty game: betting on how long people’s relationships will last.
The most important indicator for me: how visible the relationship is on Instagram, Facebook, and Snapchat.
I know I look like an asshole now, but this game showed me something important. Let me explain.
What would it mean to you if your partner posted pictures with you? When your significant other writes love confessions in captions and proudly tags you on every post?
Sure, it feels great — after all, your partner isn’t hiding you from other people. Or it may feel scary. A relationship’s presence on social media can be a sign of insecurity. This is what a study shows¹.
Couples who are insecure seek validation through social media. But it doesn’t have to have anything to do with the relationship itself — frequent posting on social media can also be a sign of low self-esteem².
Having a healthy relationship with such a person can be difficult and lead to many conflicts. One person’s problems with themselves can affect the other.
Back to my evil game — long before I heard about the study, I suspected that social media might reflect the quality of a relationship.
Particularly among my young male peers, I see a phenomenon repeatedly: using your girlfriend on social media to show off. What I saw went against all good taste. If I value a person deeply, I could not use them as an object to show off on the Internet.
The digital presence may harm your relationship.
If you are unsure about our relationship, I would like one thing: That you talk to me about it.
Getting your relationship validated from the outside is not healthy. It can even stress your partner. Posting a lot about your relationship can be interpreted as a positive sign by your partner.
But if your partner is secretly insecure just like you are, it’s poison. The critical conversation will not happen because you are sending the wrong signals — through social media.
A practical tip: Watch how you make your relationship visible online. Maybe it is a sign of insecurity — then it’s time to talk about it, not to post about it.
Beware of people who even post their dates.
An unpleasant experience. You have a date with someone, and the person constantly reaches for their iPhone. I find this rude, but I experienced it myself.
Just a quick photo for the Instagram or Snapchat Story. Yes, some people present their dates on the Internet. When I first experienced it, I didn’t see it as a problem at all.
I thought of it as a compliment when she posted pictures of our date. She liked it; otherwise, she would not want to share it.
Preserving moments and sharing moments we should live in is a Millenial disorder. But we do it for a reason.
Posting on social media seems innocent, but actually, we always want to communicate something. Earlier it was about the appearance of a well-working relationship. Now it’s about something else.
Posting your date is a classic way to get back at your ex. All of a sudden, I felt used — it wasn’t a compliment anymore.
How we use social media reveals our real motives — even when it comes to dating.
Your smartphone may make your partner feel lonely
It makes sense — so, put your smartphone away, and everything will be fine, right? No, it’s not that simple.
I’ve written before about how our smartphone controls our subconscious. Even when it’s nearby, it influences us. Subconsciously, we know what it offers us.
Checking your smartphone is a routine. Well, you can’t get the pattern out of your head anytime soon, but you can break it.
All you have to do is put the smartphone away. I mean, leave it in another room.
Ask your partner to do just that, too. You’ll realize how good it is for your relationship. There is no smartphone in the room anymore — and therefore so much else.
You’re protected from distractions, from outside influences, from knowing what time it even is.
Putting away your smartphone can deepen your relationship with those around you.
People with greater smartphone dependency were more likely to be lonelier, which in turn was related to lower relationship satisfaction and more relational uncertainty.³
What to do about it?
It’s simple: put your smartphone away.
Limiting your time on your phone is generally a good idea. Also, the idea of Quality time appeals to me a lot — it’s about taking time for just one thing and neglecting everything else.
Set a fixed time frame for this with your partner. You should put your smartphones away during this time — it’s best to leave them in another room.
Thank you for reading!