Small Ones Are More Juicy

A Short Story of 1200 words

“You’ve been Tangoed,” I say playfully slapping young Clementine’s bottom. You’d have thought Miss Jaffer would have heard that one before, but she just smiles.

I’m really something in the world of advertising, so you’ll understand why I’m so delighted with Clementine. Got plenty of va va voom, but she’s really naïve. She actually believes low-fat chocolate cake will help make her slim.

“Murray, it’s 95% fat-free, so I can go ahead,” she tells me.

She has a slice each morning with her richer roasted, fuller flavoured coffee whilst I explain our latest campaign.

‘Our’ is such a useful word, it makes dear Clementine think we’re a team. Mr Bannister offered her another position with a higher salary. That was close, thought I’d lose her there. Luckily I didn’t lose my head, explained that with Bannister she’d be nothing but a pretty little typist.

“It’s the business that impressed him, that’s why he bought it. He doesn’t care about the staff. Go compare the two of us.”

Working for, no with, me was different. I was teaching her all my skills, with me she’d progress to great things.

“It’s the real thing, sweetheart. The team works, and you’ve got to be in to win it, you know that.”

Didn’t tell her I’d have to hire two girls to get through all the work she somehow manages. Organisation she says, that’s what she’s good at. Learnt it from the Sunday glossies apparently. Reads all them articles on de-cluttering your life and developing inner potential. They write that she can improve herself. She reads and believes every word. That’s not all she reads. She believes those shoes advertised in the supplements really will be the most comfortable she’s ever worn. Or if by some unlikely chance she found better, her money would be refunded in full, no questions asked. She believes that those uncreasable skirts sold in three different lengths actually are stylish. Not passion, not fashion if you ask me.

Clemmie turns eagerly to the horoscopes, surely no one but a fool could swallow the idea that one-twelfth of the population were about to be unlucky with money but forget these problems when they fell in love by midweek.

There she is over by the vending machine. I’ll have a chat with her, tell her about my new car. She’ll be impressed, a man likes to be appreciated when he’s doing well. Clementine will understand what a sound investment it is too, how necessary to my professional image. Not like that nag of a wife at home. A boost to my ego she said. Even asked if I wasn’t just slightly too young for a mid-life crisis and it would be difficult to get the baby buggy in. Must be that time of the month I suppose.

“Nice skirt, Clementine love. Is it new?”

“Yes Murray, I bought it from a magazine. Do you like it?”

“I’m loving it.” And this is true.

The skirt gives me just the reason I need to take a long lingering look at Clementine. Maybe she’s not quite the best a man can get, but she’ll do me. I’d like to let my fingers do some walking there, I can tell you. I’d thought her a bit of a frump before, had the right attitude, couldn’t do enough for me of course, but not really worth much of my attention. Now I see things have changed.

“Go on give us a twirl.”

She spins around, very agile she seems, I like that.

“Nifty on your feet aren’t you?”

“It’s these lovely new shoes, they’re so comfortable. I’ve bought a pair in every colour, so I’ll hardly ever need to wear ordinary shoes again.”

“Getting a drink were you?”

“I was, but I’ve just lost my last pound in the machine.”

“Please allow me.”

I put in my own money. An investment of a different kind, every little helps.

“What would you like?”

“Diet iron-bru please, someone told me I was looking a bit pale today.”

What a girl, so suggestible that a chance remark convinces her she’s anaemic and an old ad. campaign still has the power to persuade her a combination of colouring and flavourings can do her good. Something she’s eating or drinking must be powerful stuff though. That dumpy assistant I started with has blossomed into a very attractive young woman. I put a pound in for the 60p drink and pocket the difference. Simples!

Time I explained the benefits of being nice to me I think. She might not be the brightest, but give the girl her due she is trying hard. She’s there at every meeting taking it all in. If anything needs to be checked, she’s there.

“I’ll just ask Jeeves,” before she’s right back with the answer.

She must have bought every product the firm has ever handled. She says she likes a touch of luxury every day, well that’s fair enough.

She drives the make of car we promote.

“I’m a thinking person and I thought as I’m on my own, I only need a small car, not a driving machine.”

She wears the clothes, the make-up to good effect, she is every bit gorgeous. She eats the food that makes life taste better. We all use some of the brands of course, because of the discounts though. I mean, why pay more? The rest of us aren’t brainwashed like dear Clementine.

She sounds like an advert too, every phrase she uses is either currently promoting our clients' products or soon will be. She is sympathetic too, listens when I tell her how little my wife understands me. I’m sure Clementine could understand me very well. It’s good to talk and I talk her kind of language don’t I?

Old Bannister’s been chatting to her again. I’d better nip in the bud any thoughts of moving her loyalty to him. He’s the managing director, and I don’t want her getting ideas.

“You stick with me Clementine, love. Together we’ll go further.”

“Are you sure you’re not just using me because I love the jobs you hate?”

“Calm down dear, it’s just commercials.”

“I don’t want to just be an assistant, can’t you give me more responsibility?”

“At some point in time, I will.”

“Why not just do it?”

“Remember, you can’t hurry a Murray.”

I’m just explaining that it’s Mr Bannister wants to take advantage of her not me, when I knock over her silly stuffed toys, a kitten and a bird.

“Cat’s know the difference,” Clemmie mutters. “Murray, please pick up that penguin.”

I retrieve the fluffy green object. “Well, that’s different, but it’s not a hen.”

“Things are going to be different, all right.”

I’m still trying to work out what she means when Old Bannister calls me into his office.

“Murray sit down. I’ve been hearing all about your marriage problems. I think it would be best if you took a few weeks off to sort things out. Treat her well, remember mums are heroes.”

“There’s no need, and my work…”

“Don’t worry about that, Clementine will take over your department, I’m promoting her because she’s worth it. Walking advertisement that girl. She’ll go far, the future’s Orange.”

If you enjoyed this story you may like to know that I’ve published 24 themed collections of short stories and six novels. You can find them all on Amazon here and here for most other retailers.