“Slow and Steady” Sucks. DON’T Do This Instead.

God, could progress be more annoying.

Ladies and gentlemen, I am currently uncomfortable.

Not like, psychologically uncomfortable (or at least, not acutely. Who’s not psychologically uncomfortable these days).

I am physically uncomfortable.

Because I’m trying to sit up straight as I type, and I legit do not have the core strength to be comfortable in good posture.

It blows.

In Which I Am Very Weak And Want To Fix It

Somehow in the past whenever, I went from “I literally throw men across a room three times a week” to “sitting up straight is difficult.”

What. The fuck. Is this bullshit.

I do not approve. Who tf greenlit this. *yells* SECURITY, ESCORT THIS PERSON OUT.

*heavy sigh*

Bitching now done, I want to improve this situation, because it is, as previously mentioned, total bullshit.

However. There are complications. I am also extremely hypermobile in all my joints (“I thought I told you to escort them out, stop them from hitting Go!”). Because of this, I need to be super careful about this whole exercising thing.

How careful? I literally twisted my pelvis last week because I carried a grocery basket that was too heavy. I spent upwards of $200 to get re-aligned because of a grocery basket.

(Note to self — invent new swears. Existing ones aren’t cutting it.)

What Not To Do

So, wanting to fix this situation as immediately as possible, I went to my physical therapist and asked for exercises. Stabilizing-style exercises. She gave me two.

Which can literally, actually, swear-to-living-god barely be seen with the naked eye (if someone is watching me).

Um? Excuse me? I want to fix this shit now, immediatement, as soon as physically fucking possible.

And therein lies the rub.

I’ve talked before about how slow and steady is actually the way to do things, and how deeply, deeply annoying that is. I am a Millennial, I want to swipe right and have my damn abs already.

So, what I could do is go balls-to-the-wall and do a hardcore ab workout every day for the next week and see what happens. Makes sense, right? Go big or go home! One heroic effort!

NOPE.

That, my loves, is what (except in very specific, Superman-style circumstances) you should not do. And I’m using myself as an example here, because I literally had to just start slouching because my back hurt too much.

In Fitness, As In Life, Progress Comes Down To Small and Consistent

I don’t think there’s an area of life that better exemplifies the “you do this slow and steady” than physical fitness. Cause while you may want immediate results, your body will go “heh, lol. No.” Building muscle can’t be hurried. And if you try, you will probably damage yourself.

(For reference, see the stupid grocery basket.)

So, I’m stuck doing my invisible ab workouts until my PT decides to upgrade me. It’s very annoying. But the alternative will get me back on her table as she re-jiggers my spine.

Again.

Slow and steady, my dudes. No matter how annoying it may be.

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