Skirt Club
The women-only sex-parties for the bisexual and bi-curious
We’ve been taught that sexuality is an orientation, and although that isn’t wrong, it also isn’t the entire picture. Recent studies are showing that under the right circumstances, sexual fluidity, particularly for women, may be much more common than anyone ever guessed. Researcher, Lisa Diamond says, “You have an orientation but that orientation is not as deterministic as we think. Our orientation is a fact, but it doesn’t always provide the last word on whom we’re attracted to.” As an erstwhile “straight married” who’d never been with a woman until 5 years ago, this makes perfect sense to me.
Skirt Club capitalizes on that notion, intuited by its founder, Genevieve LeJeune, without ever having seen the supporting data. Sex parties she had attended with her boyfriend left LeJeune feeling unsatisfied and she decided to create a luxurious, safe space where women could explore attraction to each other on their own terms without the distraction of male involvement.
Skirt Club is a members-only organization that puts on private play parties and more public “Mini Skirts” for women who are intelligent, ambitious, risk-takers — women who want to safely indulge an often hidden side of themselves. There are a few lesbian members, but for the most part, Skirt Club is for bisexual and bicurious women, many of whom are in committed relationships with men. Skirt Club began in the UK in 2014 and now has a worldwide presence, with upwards of 7,000 members.
Play parties take place in private spaces, and there is an extensive screening process in order to be accepted since discretion is at a premium. New members must be recommended by someone who is a current member. Skirt Club has been described as sex-positive and empowering for women, both sexually and in a more general sense, as they are encouraged to discover more about their own sexual selves, without pressure or judgment.
I have to say, it sounds deliciously intriguing. I’ve played with men and women together, but never just a woman or women alone — something that I’m betting would have a bit of a different dynamic. I love kissing women and making love with Tamara, the woman that both my husband and I are involved with. It is just more sensual somehow than when I’m with a man or men.
Author Wednesday Martin attended two Skirt Club parties as part of the research for her book, Untrue: Why Nearly Everything We Believe About Women, Lust, and Adultery is Wrong and How the New Science Can Set Us Free. Here is an excerpt from what she wrote:
Even this early in the festivities the room buzzed with excitement. We might have been at a ladies’ luncheon or a bridal shower as we sipped champagne and chatted but for the fact that everyone was standing around in lingerie, flirting. A tall and beautiful Chinese woman with a chic choppy haircut approached me. She was an interior designer, fashionably dressed in black leather leggings and an exquisite red push-up bra. When I told her I was writing about the party — no names, I promised — she exclaimed, “I like this party because no one has to wonder what’s going to happen. We’re all here for sex!” I felt my throat constrict as we sat down on a couch together, our knees touching.
Martin described an elegant and sophisticated party, kicked off with a welcoming address, and guidelines. After a demonstration or performance related to the night’s theme, the women were free to flirt, watch, or engage in whatever sexual activity appealed to them. Group sex is common, but women may also pair off, or engage in solo sexual activity. As the Skirt Club website says:
Designed by women, for women, Skirt Club basks in glamour; free-flowing champagne, exclusive burlesque performances, Shibari demonstrations, Victorian corset fittings … and so much more. All our guests share a desire to learn what it means to be a woman from the inside-out.
Knowing yourself and what moves you requires honesty and self-exploration; Skirt Club allows women to express themselves whilst managing reputational risk — in essence, you are in control of your own destiny.
I have to say that getting to explore my sexual self in the safe and non-judgemental atmosphere of the clubs I went to with my husband was both healing and a hell of a lot of fun! When women are free to publicly embrace their sexuality without censure, shame or fear — something that almost never happens in the vanilla world — true empowerment is a real possibility. Getting to do that in an all-woman space would be really incredible!
Not surprisingly, there has been a certain amount of criticism for such a club from a wide variety of quarters. Society still largely teaches that women’s sexuality is for the enjoyment and pleasure of men, and an all-woman party solidly rejects that notion. Some lesbians complain that these parties are the elitist grown-up version of youthful sexual exploration, particularly since many of the women return to hetero-appearing lives once the parties are done. But Skirt Club stands behind its mission of empowerment and pleasure for women, pointing out that women who want to embrace bisexuality or sexual fluidity should have that option.
“One of the things that strikes me is that heterosexually identified women who have had sex with women at some point often say the experience made them feel more entitled to communicate about what they wanted,” said Lisa Diamond, when Wednesday Martin told her about Skirt Club.
In any case, the interest in this club is on the rise. As more and more women deprogram from what they’ve always been taught about their own sexuality in favor of figuring out who they actually are and what turns them on, sexually fluid spaces for women like Skirt Club will no doubt continue to grow.
I’ve recently joined MarriedBees.com, the first social community for attached bi women. As of now, it’s an online space full of all kinds of interesting groups and chats, but who knows, one day there might be in-person parties for members to get together and network, drink champagne, and see what else happens… In the meantime, there’s Skirt Club.
