Skin-Deep — What do you look for in a potential spouse?

I’m a man in his early 50s, and for the early part of my life, I have to admit I was shallow when it came to dating. Attraction to women wasn’t the problem; the problem was that attraction was only skin-deep. As my dad would often time say, I was color struck. What he was trying to say was that I was depthless.

If I wanted to date a woman seriously, the metrics I chose to use were things like body shape, skin tone, hair, etc. Then, if the character wasn’t correct in my desired love, I erroneously felt I could change them. I thought, give me my skin-deep traits, and the rest will work itself out. Well, I’m here to tell you that is backward thinking.

I have grown to learn and accept that beauty is only skin-deep. I have gone through heartache and just old waste of time seeking the wrong characteristics in women. “Charm can fool you, and beauty can trick you, but a woman who respects the Lord should be praised.” Proverbs 31:30 NCV. Love and respect for God should be in your potential spouse. Character over beauty.

Furthermore, don’t get me wrong, there should be some attraction there, but don’t give as much weight to beauty as I did.

To wrap up, The woman you want to pursue as a potential spouse is the woman that respects God and shows it in her actions. I know your eyes and flesh tell you otherwise but think long term. A short skirt and a banging body can’t help you in most life situations.

Quote from my upcoming book for men in the digital age of dating

“I was a guy who always looked at the outside appearance of a woman. I gave it the most weight in evaluating that person for a potential relationship. The lady had to have a specific skin tone, height, and the right hair length. These were very shallow criteria, as you can discern. My old views were that if I could find a woman whose looks attracted me, I could work to change the inside stuff I didn’t like. Another perspective I had was sex had to be off the charts; the truth is we shouldn’t be having sex before marriage. I cringe as I recall those old views now. My actions came from the lust of the eyes and flesh. People in relationships on this level only use each other.”

In the upcoming book “The Devoted Man.”

If you would like to be the first to obtain a copy of The Devoted Man’s short read, drop a message or subscribe.

Originally published at https://wisdomsey.com on May 4, 2022.