Six Socially Conditioned Behaviors You Don’t Actually Need to Follow

Make your own decisions instead of following the herd.

Humans are social creatures. Naturally, you want to be accepted by the people around you.

That’s why you conform to the norms and expectations of the society you live in. As a result, you automatically think, act, and behave in certain ways that are considered normal or necessary without giving it much thought.

The same applies to big life decisions, as well as everyday behaviors and habits.

This isn’t a good or bad thing. Social conditioning creates cohesion in societies and generally keeps things running smoothly. However, if you blindly follow behaviors defined by others, your life can end up being shaped for you instead of by you.

So here are six socially conditioned behaviors to keep in mind so you can make your own decisions about what’s right for you.

Drinking Too Much Alcohol

If you don’t drink, or you enjoy a glass of wine with dinner every now and then, you have a very different relationship with alcohol than most people.

For many people, alcohol plays a central role in their life. Happy hour after work, drinks with brunch drinks to celebrate, drinks to drown your sorrows… you get the point.

There’s just one big problem. Alcohol is essentially a poison that reduces blood flow to your brain, damages your memory, and actually shrinks brain size over time. Plus you tend to do stupid stuff you regret the next morning when you drink too much.

Yet drinking is completely normalized and even encouraged.

Is it really so surprising though?

Western culture is obsessed with alcohol, and drinking has become so deeply ingrained in everyday life that it’s easy to forget how harmful it is.

I’m not telling you to drink or not to drink. When it comes to drinking, only you know when you’re drinking too much.

Some people can have a few drinks a day and it never really affects their sleep, work, or overall health. Then there are people like me who sleep poorly after one glass of wine.

The point here is this:

Many situations condition you to drink and you’re the weird one if you turn down alcohol. Shouldn’t it be the other way around? Something to think about.

Getting Married

You find a stable job, you meet your soulmate, you get married and have kids.

Right?

Well, sure. If that’s what you want.

Truth is, getting married isn’t for everyone, and it’s not always necessary.

That’s okay too.

Even so, many couples feel the pressure to get married because it comes at you from all sides. If you’re in a relationship it has to be leading somewhere.

And if you’re single, everyone assumes your number one priority should be finding a partner.

Getting married is one of the biggest decisions you can make in your life. And making this huge life commitment because you “feel like it’s time” or “it’s the next step” is a recipe for regret.

When it comes down to it, many people simply don’t want to get married. The same goes for having kids. It’s okay to want other things from life.

Constant Meetings and Distractions

Trying to do your best work with constant distractions is like getting a flat tire five minutes into a road trip. Your motivation and desire to keep going sputter out and take a long time to get back on track.

The same goes for endless Zoom calls.

When I worked in tech, I had 4 to 6 hours of Zoom calls every single day. Even when I blocked out time for deep work, colleagues would Slack me asking to schedule meetings.

Here’s the main issue with that:

Distractions and marathon meetings destroy creativity and erode focus. How are you supposed to refocus your mind and put in quality work when you only have 45 minutes until your next meeting?

In fact, researchers found that interruptions change your work rhythms and mental states which makes it much more difficult to access or remain in a state of flow.

And since your ability to enter into a “flow state” leads to the feeling of doing meaningful and fulfilling work, your overall productivity, and motivation will plummet when you’re denied that opportunity.

Some companies are becoming more aware of this problem, yet for the most part (especially with remote work) constant meetings are the norm.

There’s no one-size-fits-all solution because every job and company is different. But minimizing the distractions when you can, blocking out time for deep work, and respecting other people’s time when they do the same is the right place to start.

Going To a 4-Year College

Rachael Wittern went to college and earned a Ph.D. in clinical psychology.

The result? At 33 years old she earned $94,000 a year as a psychologist and still owed $300,000 in student debt.

Worth it? Debatable. (She says it wasn’t.)

If you (or your kid) are determined to become a Doctor or Lawyer, of course, you’ll have to go through the traditional education system.

However, going to a 4-year college is no longer the obvious choice. Especially when you consider the fact that the average student borrower takes 20 years to pay off their student loan debt.

College is supposed to set you up for success, not two decades of financial distress. Simply put, graduating with hundreds of thousands in student debt should not be considered normal or desirable.

What’s more, a University degree isn’t as necessary as it once was. I’ve met many people in tech who went to a 3-month boot camp to study programming and make more money than people with a Bachelor’s degree. If you’re a kick-ass coder, no one will care whether or not you went to college.

The traditional education system is deeply flawed, and it’s not for everyone. End of story.

Striving For More Stuff

One of the biggest differences between California and Spain is that in California (especially the Silicon Valley) people are wired to strive for more.

More money. A bigger house. A nicer car.

Here in Spain, people don’t have the same need to outdo themselves year after year. Many people enjoy what they have because it’s enough.

Their apartment or house is big enough. Their car is nice enough. Their job pays enough.

As an American, this went against my instincts. After living in California for 25 years, I was conditioned to think that self-worth and value are linked to your income.

Here’s the thing though:

You don’t need to buy into any of that.

Sure, you might need a bigger house because you have a kid on the way. Or you love nice cars. Then by all means go for it. Good for you.

But many people strive for this stuff because your neighbor just got a Porsche or because your brother just bought a 5 bedroom house in the suburbs.

Or you go after a promotion because it’s what everyone else is doing, even though you don’t actually want the extra responsibility.

Here’s what you need to realize:

You don’t have to want any of it. You can be happy with what you already have.

Trying to Prevent Aging

I drove by a store the other day called “The Anti Aging Shop”.

Why do we need to stop aging? Who decided it was bad to age?

This belief is so pervasive in society that you come face to face with it every single day. From commercials selling you anti-wrinkle creams to procedures promising to make you look 15 years younger.

News flash: There is no fountain of youth. And we should stop pretending otherwise.

I’m not against facelifts or botox. If it makes you feel good about yourself, by all means, indulge.

However, Western Culture has equated aging with being unattractive and less valuable in society. Both men and women are conditioned to chase youth and feed into the billion-dollar industry.

I get it. Aging is hard. But what makes it WAY worse is buying into the belief that aging is bad. It’s the most natural thing in the world, and instead of trying to escape from time, we should celebrate that we get to live at all.

Isn’t that the kind of mindset we should be promoting?

Final Thoughts

When you take a step back and try to see your culture objectively, you get a fresh perspective on your own life.

You start to notice that many people buy into a herd mentality only to realize years down the line that the life you created wasn’t the one you wanted.

This is why many people look like they’re sleepwalking through life once they get into their middle age. They have a wife, kids, house, and career. Everything that defines a “successful” life, right?

Truth is, it’s easier to mentally check out and keep going about your day than admit that you’re living a life designed for you by someone else.

But once you become aware of how much your actions and behaviors are shaped for you, you can start taking more control over the decisions you make.

And sometimes having a sense of control over your own life is all takes to get back on track.