Relationship

Six Circumstances That May Happen If We Didn’t Heal Ourselves

Before you love someone new, heal yourself to make yourself whole again.

“Healing is an art. It takes time, it takes practice. It takes love.” — Maza Dohta

First things first, what is healing? According to Merriam Webster Dictionary, healing is to restore purity and integrity. When you heal yourself, you are fixing yourself to make yourself whole again. That is part of self-growth, and being full is essential in a romantic relationship.

Here are six circumstances that may happen if we didn’t heal ourselves before dating.

1. If you didn’t heal yourself, it would hinder you from finding someone new → When you haven’t, I used to date this guy, and I could feel that he hasn’t moved on from his ex-girlfriend, and when we were dating, I knew that it still stings him. I had to cut ties between him and me before we jump into a relationship. I couldn’t give my whole self to someone who couldn’t give me the same thing. Please don’t wait for your new person to feel that you haven't moved on yet; instead, heal yourself first before dating anyone because it would hinder you from finding someone new.
2. It would only sting when you try to avoid the pain → they said, “You’ve gotta feel it, to heal it.” You feel pain because you are alive and you are a human being. It is natural to feel the pain and get hurt. If you just let the pain resides in your heart, you will never feel the freedom that’s waiting for you. I know that you have heard this before: face your fears. Why would you face your fears? To conquer what you were afraid of. Therefore, you need to feel the hurt, sadness, and grief to beat the pain.
3. You will only get confused → If you don’t heal yourself from the past and still have a piece of that person, the past will linger to you, and you would ‘realized’ that you still love your ex. Let’s say you already are in a relationship and you haven’t moved on from your ex. You are in your bed in the middle of the night, scrolling through social media, and you saw a picture of your ex, and you thought that you miss him, and you started playing the memories you made with him, and you started crying. That’s what happens when you don’t heal yourself. You’re going to get confused if you will run back to your ex or be with someone you have now. To avoid getting confused, heal yourself. Take your time to heal the pain and the wounds you have had in your past.
4. You can’t fully love a new person → You cannot give what you do not have. Just like what they say, you cannot pour from an empty cup. When you commit to a new relationship, while you’re still hurting from your past, then you will end up broken. The hurt from the past will haunt you until you face it until heal from it. You deserve a whole-hearted love, so does your new person is.
5. You will end up hurting someone → You may expose the pain you have in the past to your partner. I remembered last year in 2020, and there was a guy that likes me and was willing to offer me the things I needed. He helped me set my Instagram business account. While I was waiting for the other guy, I liked that he never cared about me. I spitted out the pain I had with the guy I desired to the guy that likes me. I ended up hurting him. Some people are willing to love you and give you everything that you deserve.
6. You wouldn’t enjoy your new relationship → If you're still thinking about the past and have not fully moved on yet, you won't enjoy the beautiful things you have in front of you. You would still wish that the person you are dating right now is the person you had in the past. When you have moved on and restored from the past, you will have the freedom to enjoy your new relationship right now.

We all have been on the road where there is no direction. There were times when we didn’t know how to get over things such as break-ups, but let’s not take that as an excuse for not healing ourselves. We often deny that we are hurt because we want to show other people that we are strong and don’t get hurt. You may deny it to other people that you are not hurt, but you cannot deny it yourself.

Final thoughts:

Break-ups are complex, and healing can be more challenging. Just like a physical wound, it would itch as the skin starts to close itself. We have to face what hurts us and the pain we are holding on to. There is freedom when you heal yourself before dating anyone. You don’t have to worry about the past, and the past will never haunt you when you’re in a new relationship.

Therefore, heal yourself first before dating anyone. Clear up space for a new love relationship.