avatarVanessa Torre

Summary

Vanessa Torre shares her personal experiences and insights from sitting next to strangers in public places, which has led to joyful encounters and meaningful connections.

Abstract

Vanessa Torre embarked on an experiment to sit next to strangers in public venues, defying the American tendency to distance oneself from others. This journey, inspired by her friend's cultural observations in Spain, has resulted in a series of enriching interactions with diverse individuals, from learning about an emu named Moo to sharing meals and stories with new acquaintances. Torre's experiences have transformed her perspective on human connection, emphasizing the value of being open and the shared narratives that bind us. She encourages others to embrace this approach to life, suggesting that it can lead to unexpected joy and a deeper understanding of the commonalities we all share.

Opinions

  • The author admires the cultural difference in Spain where people sit closer together in public spaces, fostering a sense of community.
  • Torre found that creating human connections often requires intentional effort, which is contrary to the common practice in the U.S. of seeking isolation in public settings.
  • She believes that everyone has a story worth sharing and that these stories can be relatable on some level, highlighting the universal nature of human experience.
  • The author values the communal aspect of food, noting that sharing a meal can be a way to make friends and bring people together.
  • Torre's encounters with individuals like Ryan, Brenda, Jonathan, and Tommy illustrate her appreciation for the diversity of life paths and the richness that these chance meetings can bring.
  • She reflects on the education system in different states, indicating a broader interest in societal structures and their impact on individuals.
  • The experiment has evolved from a simple challenge into a lifestyle choice for Torre, who now actively seeks out these interactions as a means to tap into the kindness of strangers.
  • Torre uses her experiences to inspire others through her writing and coaching, advocating for midlife awakening and the pursuit of a creative, fulfilling, and profitable life.

Sitting Next to Strangers in Public

It started as an experiment. It ended in joy.

Photo by Artem Beliaikin via Unsplash

I have a friend who unceremoniously abandoned his regular life to live in Spain for a while and work as a language ambassador. I admire the hell out of the endeavor.

We were talking about some basic cultural differences between Spain and the United States and he noted how, in the US, when we walk into a restaurant or bar with open seating we have tendency to sit as far away from other people as we can. In Spain, you sit as close to others as possible.

I was intrigued. It was a totally different concept. I accepted this as a challenge.

I found it amazing how natural of an occurrence it was to separate myself from people as much as I do. It actually takes a solid amount of effort to create human connection.

I travel alone most times and go out to eat by myself often, even when I’m home. I am unassuming to most. Few people are ever intimidated by a single woman sitting next to them. Rarely, though, did I take advantage of that.

I decided to change that. I was incredibly curious as to what would happen if I took the seat next to someone when so many other seats were available.

I’ve done it a half a dozen times and I don’t regret a single moment. I’ve met wonderful people who have interesting stories.

It’s a gentle reminder that everyone has a story to tell. On some level, everyone’s life is relatable.

Moo The Emu

I walked into a restaurant in Cottonwood, Arizona to find the whole bar empty except for two seats. I had my choice of 20 some odd seats. I sat right next to two men well into their 50’s.

Turns out, one guy’s son works for Stag’s Leap Winery. His son was bored one night and bought three emu eggs and an incubator on Ebay. One egg hatched. I now follow an emu on Instagram. I’m not sorry. That damn bird is a gift. I get never ending joy from it.

Ryan

I sat next to Ryan before a flight to Denver. He had the prettiest eyelashes I have ever seen on a human being. Hands down.

Ryan has been in the Army for a decade and hasn’t lived in the United States in just as long. He had a layover and a whole mess of tattoos, the first of which he got when he was only 14. His son is 10 months old and is the reason he’s come back home for good.

Brenda and Jonathan

I gave Jonathan half of one of my arancini. Brenda gave me one of her Shrimp Fra Diavolo. I’ve learned that you make friends when you share food. Food brings people together. It’s communal.

Jonathan is a singer/songwriter inspired by the likes of Jackson Browne and James Taylor. He’s a little full of himself, but nice.

Brenda had too much wine. Jonathan steamrolls her a lot. I picked up on it. She didn’t finish her pasta and planned for left overs. She brought her own Tupperware to take home what she didn’t eat. It was really quirky but it kind of made me giggle a little.

Tommy

Tommy was pretty in a way that men from Denver are pretty. He managed to wear a wrinkled button down chambray shirt with basketball shorts and not make it look weird.

He went to the concert at Red Rocks last night that I wanted to go to but it was sold out. He lives a couple blocks from where I’m staying. We talk real estate.

He’s a second grade teacher. We discussed the education system in Colorado vs. Arizona. He didn’t believe me when I told it it had been 20 years since I taught high school. I was flattered.

If I lived in Denver, I probably would have fallen in love with Tommy.

I took something from every one of these experiences. From these people. This is the life we miss when we don’t take a minute to live.

It’s an exercise in being open. It’s moved beyond just an experiment to see what kind of reaction I get. It’s now just a thing I do. I love it. Most people are kind. It’s a shame not to tap into that.

Navigating that midlife awakening and trying to figure out what to do with it. I got you. Get on my mailing list now! I have exciting things coming up! You don’t want to miss it.

Vanessa Torre is a writer and a midlife coach for women looking to make remarkable changes so they can live a creative, fulfilling, and profitable life. Learn more at www.vanessatorre.com.

Follow Vanessa on Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, and TikTok.

*I like to toy with my comfort zone. Well, I like to toy with other people’s too.

Travel
Life Lessons
Culture
Relationships
Self
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