Sit Up Straight!

The Swami will see you now…

The sign in the window read, Swami Shaantinanda: The blind Swami who hears the voices in your head.

“Seriously? I’m in relentless back pain as I await my appointment with my chiropractor and you’re taking me to an Indian snake charmer? Beth, you’re taking pleasure in my pain. Why are you doing that? I thought you loved me.”

“My dear Steven, I’m taking you here precisely because I love you! You go to the freaking chiropractor at least once a week. You get better for a day or two then you’re in back pain again. You need to get to the root cause of the pain.”

Steven and Beth entered the storefront. They went to a counter where a short Indian woman checked Steven in. Steven noticed that under the glass counter was an assortment of crystals, incense, bowls and bells, and tarot decks. After handing the woman a fifty dollar bill Steven and Beth sat in a row of chairs. There were two other people waiting to see the Swami.

“Promise me something, Beth.”

“What?”

“We’re not going to buy anything. Fifty bucks for the Swami and that’s it. Okay?”

“Okay. You realize, don’t you, that you spend more than that for twenty minutes with your chiropractor.”

“Yeah, but with him I know that I’ll be leaving without any back pain.”

“Right, but for how long?”

They sat in silence for almost half an hour. Finally, the short Indian woman walked up to them, “Steven, the Swami will see you now.”

Painfully, Steven got up out of his chair. Looking down at the woman he asked her, “If he’s blind how can he see me?

The woman giggled. “Yes, well when you enter the room just sit down in the big orange chair.”

Upon entering the room Steven looked it over. It was small and rectangular. The aforementioned orange chair was near the center of the room. On a table behind it was the biggest crystal Steven had ever seen. It must have been close to three feet tall. He thought to himself, ‘Since the old man is blind I could just take that crystal home with me and he’d never know.’

Steven then sat down in the orange chair. About ten feet in front of him was Swami Shaantinanda sitting in a lotus position on a raised platform. His hands were resting on his legs with the thumb and forefinger of each hand touching and his palms facing upward. His beard reached down to his belly and his head hair was even longer. His eyes were closed.

“Greetings Divine human,” said the Swami without hardly moving a single muscle in his face.

“I hear many voices in your head. There is not much quiet in there. One of the loudest and most persistent voices is a female voice. It is your mother. While she was still alive she told you to sit up straight 14,287 times. After she died her voice remained in your head and she has told you to sit up straight an additional 17,204 times. Is this correct?”

“Uh… uh… well I wasn’t counting but that sounds about right. That was the one thing she said to me more than anything else.”

“I also hear a man’s voice; a man in uniform. Your commander. During the time you were under his command he told you 1288 times to stand up straight at attention. You kept his voice in your head as well and since then he has told you to stand up straight at attention an additional 2016 times.”

“That would be my drill sergeant when I was in the army.”

“Yes, well whenever you face a situation of unease or difficulty or when you feel unsure about something or afraid, these voices go off in your head and you react by stiffening your spine by sitting or standing straighter. These voices control how you react to situations that are in any way negative.”

“You are continually stiffening your back and this puts unnecessary pressure on your spine. It also closes down the spine to the kundalini energy that must pass through the spine. This is the source of your back pain. You automatically react to those voices without even being aware of it.”

“You must first become aware of these voices. Then become aware of how you react to these voices that control you. Observe your reactions so that you can stop them by stopping the voices. You must replace their voices with your own inner voice.”

“Once you become aware of the voices you can start to stop them by saying, NO! I choose instead to relax. When, with your own voice, you give the command to your body to relax, the body will eventually begin to listen to you rather than the voices in your head that you’ve been carrying around with you all your life. It may take a long time since those voices in your head are seriously ingrained but the more you say no to those voices the less power they have. Voices unheard eventually lose their motivation to keep talking.”

“Whenever you hear yourself say, RELAX, see a small door open up at the base of your spine. See white light flowing out of that door and pouring up through your spine. As the light moves up your spine feel it relaxing the spine and all the surrounding muscles. Do this several times a day even when you are not hearing one of those voices. But always do it when your mother is telling you to sit up straight or your sergeant is telling you to stand up straight. You must drown out their voices replacing them with your own true voice.”

“I also hear another male voice. It is your back doctor. You obviously love this man very much; so much so that you are helping him to put his daughter through college. Do not become dependent on this man although he will be able to help you relax. Always put your own voice first.”

What the hell? Did the Swami just make a joke at his expense? Are Swamis allowed to do that?

“Okay now I want you to relax. See that door open up at the bottom of your spine and feel the light and energy slowly moving up your spine relaxing everything as it moves up your spine into your head and out the top of your head. And hear the voices flush away with it out of your head.”

Steven did as he was told and he could actually feel himself relax. The pain was slowly dissipating.

“Very well then. Do this often. Listen for those voices and say no to them when you hear them. Your reaction to those voices is the source of your discomfort so banish them from your head and find and take charge with your own true voice. We are done.”

Feeling quite relaxed, Steven stood up from the orange chair, “Thank you.”

“Oh, and one more thing. That giant crystal is fastened to the big table it is on so, no, you may not take it with you.”

Steven was relaxed but he was also extremely freaked out. He very slowly left the room. Before he left the building he stopped and bought a crystal.

Taking the Swami’s advice Steven eventually was able to decrease his visits to his chiropractor and eventually stop going. Luckily, thanks to all the other patients, the chiropractor’s daughter was still able to graduate from college.

Copyright by White Feather. All Rights Reserved. This is a work of fiction.

Speaking of voices…