Single Parents: Nobody Owes You a Shot at Dating Them

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Abstract

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            <h2>The Lies They Tell Childfree People About Online Dating</h2>
            <div><h3>It isn't "all single parents and people who want kids ASAP" medium.com</h3></div>
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    </div><p id="b32f">In fact, most of the abuse I got while online dating came from single mothers. A great many more were fine with it. Some messaged me in error, not realising I was childfree, and graciously wished me well (and I them). I made friends with one, stayed in touch, and will attend her wedding this summer (an aside — I was thrilled that she invited my partner and me).</p><p id="301d">Yet a small handful saw it as a personal crusade to convince me why I should date single mothers.</p><p id="6a8d">Why?</p><p id="0420">I don't know why so many parents feel personally affronted when they are excluded from anyone's dating pool purely <i>because</i> they are parents. I've been excluded as an adult for many reasons, including but not limited to:</p><ul><li>My height (I'm 5'9")</li><li>My income</li><li>Not wanting children</li><li>Being a divorcee (even without children)</li></ul><p id="2ce9">And I was totally fine with all of it.

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I never wasted my energy trying to convince the women with minimum height requirements, who want to be kept financially, who want children, and those who felt uncomfortable dating a divorcee in case of potential complications with the ex.Every so often, such a story comes up in the media where a man's dating profile says, "no single mothers please", and he is crucified on social media. The man's only "crime" is looking for a partner without children.Others try to justify their fury with "well, he's being a dick about it", but they are often unable to point out precisely how and where he is "being a dick about it."Nobody owes anybody a shot at dating them. Dating and relationships are not a democracy where everyone starts on an equal footing and has an equal opportunity to end up with anyone else. We all have red lines, and we're all entitled to them, our qualifiers, and our disqualifiers.It just so happens that the presence of children is one of my disqualifiers.I am not single. I've been with my partner now for over eight years. Will my dating pool be smaller if we ever go our separate ways? Without a doubt, butI'm entitled to reduce my pool in any way I wish, just like anyone else.It is not down to parents in their personal offence to convince me to give them or other single parents a chance.</article></body>

My article about childfree online dating predictably upset some people

Another day, another article about being childfree, more pushback from parents feeling personally offended about my life choices.

I recently wrote an article about the lies childfree people are subjected to when entering the world of online dating. This was an article by a childfree man (me) aimed at helping childfree people entering the dating environment.

One commenter attempted to justify these mistruths aimed at childfree people as being for "just in case we change our mind(s)" and because "some are happy to date people with older kids" (or adults).

In this case, it was a man. But most such comments I get (and the insults and abuse) are from women — because I am a man who dates only women without children.

In fact, most of the abuse I got while online dating came from single mothers. A great many more were fine with it. Some messaged me in error, not realising I was childfree, and graciously wished me well (and I them). I made friends with one, stayed in touch, and will attend her wedding this summer (an aside — I was thrilled that she invited my partner and me).

Yet a small handful saw it as a personal crusade to convince me why I should date single mothers.

Why?

I don't know why so many parents feel personally affronted when they are excluded from anyone's dating pool purely because they are parents. I've been excluded as an adult for many reasons, including but not limited to:

My height (I'm 5'9")

My income

Not wanting children

Being a divorcee (even without children)

And I was totally fine with all of it. I never wasted my energy trying to convince the women with minimum height requirements, who want to be kept financially, who want children, and those who felt uncomfortable dating a divorcee in case of potential complications with the ex.

Every so often, such a story comes up in the media where a man's dating profile says, "no single mothers please", and he is crucified on social media. The man's only "crime" is looking for a partner without children.

Others try to justify their fury with "well, he's being a dick about it", but they are often unable to point out precisely how and where he is "being a dick about it."

Nobody owes anybody a shot at dating them. Dating and relationships are not a democracy where everyone starts on an equal footing and has an equal opportunity to end up with anyone else. We all have red lines, and we're all entitled to them, our qualifiers, and our disqualifiers.

It just so happens that the presence of children is one of my disqualifiers.

I am not single. I've been with my partner now for over eight years. Will my dating pool be smaller if we ever go our separate ways? Without a doubt, butI'm entitled to reduce my pool in any way I wish, just like anyone else.

It is not down to parents in their personal offence to convince me to give them or other single parents a chance.