Single Parenting Can Be an Unexpected Delight
Parenting is one of the toughest jobs in the world.
Parents put in the effort of rearing children, but won’t know if their efforts pay off for something like 30 years. Parenting is a long-term investment, and the returns may never come back.
When children become parents themselves they begin to see a parent’s wisdom.
This week I’ve been a single parent.
Some of you laughed, thinking:
Only a week? Isn’t that rough?
If you are laughing you are someone who knows these struggles in an up-close and personal way. You experience them day-in-and-day-out.
Others know that this week has been both difficult and joyful.
My husband travels for work often. We’ve both been traveling a lot lately and varying schedules have caused unpredictability. I’m not as practiced as I used to be at juggling all the household responsibilities. The kids have gotten a little older and are involved in more activities and the homework is harder.
When the kids were younger my husband traveled so often that we took multiple family vacations on his frequent flyer miles. His coming and his going was a disruption to the flow of activity. We had to adapt to being without him and adapt again upon his return.
School pick-up and drop-off are usually a shared task. One parent drops the kids off, and the other parent picks the kids up at the end of the day.
Cooking meals is usually a shared experience or an I cook, you clean activity.
When a partner is absent, everything is different.
It leads to an increased level of anxiety.
Anxiety
Most loving mothers are “enough.”
I’m enough.
There’s an emotional drain when teaching kids valuable life lessons and instilling character. It leaves us feeling insecure about our parenting abilities. Without a partner, there’s no one as a sounding board to allow for emotional recovery and help to make decisions.
Being on duty around the clock takes its toll on a person.
One kid stays up late, and the other wakes early, so there’s little time to sleep and nerves wear thin. In a worn-out state, patience is hard to come by.
Anxiety continues to build.
It helps to recognize your anxiety:
- name it
- accept it
- look past it
- use reason to keep it at bay
Preparedness goes a long way to calm anxiety. Little things like packing school lunches the night before make a huge difference. Kids can do a drive-by snatch-and-grab on the way out the door and know their lunch is complete.
A knocked-over box of Cheerios at breakfast is no problem. There’s time and there’s patience for the emergency clean-up. Even the dog is happy to help clean up by scavenging what falls to the floor.
Laying clothes out the night before eliminates the time necessary to decide:
What will I wear today?
Pre-made decisions allow for peace when tension rises. The clock ticks extra loudly when minutes, then only seconds, are left and no one is ready to leave.
Tensions rise quickly. Tempers flare. Kids are unreachable.
When possible, keep meals simple and make decisions ahead of time.
Allow transition time
Allow extra time to get backpacks filled and get the kids equipped with what they need for school. Having spare time to unknot shoestrings eliminates exasperation. Reminders can be sweet and gentle instead of harsh and nagging.
The extra time allows for peace in the stressful moments where anxiety creeps in.
We must return optimism to our parenting. To focus on the joys, not the hassles; the love, not the disappointments; the common sense, not the complexities — Fred G. Gosman
Love more and make time to laugh
We have loved and laughed often. We have slowed down and cuddled while doing homework.
We’ve told jokes. Good jokes. And, bad jokes. We have taken time to laugh.
Laughter is good medicine.
When we laugh, we release endorphins. Releasing endorphins puts us in a temporary state of euphoria, which is good for psychological health and general well-being.
Missing Daddy has led to them to need extra love and cuddles.
We all pile in the bed like they did when they were younger and the kids fall asleep in Mommy’s arms. Tossing and turning leads to elbows in the back and kicks to the side, but these moments are priceless. During times I haven’t been able to sleep I’ve watched them sleep, stroked their hair, and listened to them snore.
I’ve taken the opportunity to remember them as babies and dream about and pray for their futures.
We’ve had moments of tension, but they haven’t stolen our joy.
Looking back and looking forward
Daddy will return soon. I can already hear the squeals and see them running toward him as he opens the door for the first time, announcing “Daddy’s home.”
He will be at peace having returned home and we will breathe easier knowing he is back.
His time away has allowed the kids to think ahead and be more responsible for doing things around the house.
I am thankful my husband is coming home. And, I’m grateful we have had time to do things differently — things like letting the dog and the kids sleep in the bed.
It’s the little things that make all the difference.
We can let anxiety get the best of us or we can choose not to let it steal our joy.
When we are joyful, we are happier people.
In what unexpected way will you be joyful today?
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