Sing Anything You Like, But Whatever You Do, Don't Sing Your Own Praise

A lesson in why modesty is always for the best

Over many many years, I have learned an awful lot of life lessons from people much more studied, experienced and knowledgeable than me at that time. I have been fortunate enough to learn so much, I could write a book. Perhaps I should!

Sometimes I have learned by design and sometimes by chance. Sometimes I have learned from other people’s expertise, and sometimes from my own stupidity. However, learning is learning no matter which way it comes to you. You should never, ever pass up the opportunity to learn. What’s more, it never stops, I’m still learning now, and I always will.

I will try to pass on the benefit of some of my learning situations here in a way that you may find relevant and useful. And hopefully a little entertaining.

Way back in 2005 I found myself in a small city in the south of Spain. As a working musician, I was eager to explore the local possibilities and I found myself in a small club called the Four Cats. I went inside and it was packed with an audience, all ready and waiting to be entertained. It was a jam night with what they call an open mic policy. In other words, anybody could perform.

For whatever reason, I was invited to start the show. Of course, I was happy to oblige. I did a short solo set of about three or four songs and I was well received.

Now, fortunately, I am not the sort to gloat or bath in the glory, thank god. Because as the night wore on I came to realise that every single member of the audience was also a singer and/or musician. And what’s more, more than one or two of them were a darn sight better than me!

Had I been anything less than modest, I would have ended up with so much egg on my face I would have been able to cook an omelette for the entire city.

As it is all of those fellow musicians welcomed me with open arms and, to a man, fifteen years later they have become and remained very firm musical friends.

I was mindful of this when I came to Illumination. Somebody who shall remain nameless, another writer who I admire, said to me “ Just remember, here at Illumination a lot of your readers are writers too.” Any newbies to Illumination reading this article, would be well advised to bear this in mind.

About a year later I found myself in yet another local club called the Angels Den. I bumped into a very pumped up young guy who was running his mouth.

“ So what do you do ? “ he said cockily. “ And purleeeese, do not tell me you are the bull goose looney of blues singers. You wouldn’t believe how many of those losers I come across here. And I can sing every one of them off the stage all night long. So, come on, what do you do? ”

I didn’t like his tone at all. So I said something like

“ Well, maybe I’m just one of those losers you talk about huh.”

And with that, I sauntered off to the other end of the bar. I had no intention of getting up to perform until I had heard God’s gift to the performing arts blow everybody away with his awesome talent.

A friend of mine suddenly appeared and asked me to get up and perform with Tarzan of the Stage for the opening spot. I demurred at first, but my friend insisted.

Ever so reluctantly I got up. I let him take the lead. Oh My God! His opening words to the audience were…..

“ Hey everybody, I’m Darren and I am going to blow you all away. And if you don’t like what I do, well you can kiss my ass.”

I tried to just ignore it, which wasn’t easy. He sang the first line of a Beatles song and he was…..how can I put this….let’s just say rubbish. He could not sing to save his own miserable, offensive life. I took over the singing and he simply turned to look at me in shock. Then he placed his microphone back in the stand and walked off the stage never to be seen again. And I am not saying that to show how good I was, rather more to illustrate how awful he was.

I’ll leave you with one more example of why not to run your mouth, even if you have some cause and go about it politely.

I have worked with some top names over the years and come into contact with a whole lot more. When I was teaching Popular Music Studies at a college in Oldham UK I had the pleasure to meet Barry Mason. This guy co-wrote one of the biggest hits of the sixties, Delilah, by Tom Jones.

Barry found himself at the BBC London for a performance of the song which he actually co-wrote with Les Reid. Les did the music and Barry the lyrics.

During a break, Barry took himself off to the gents and had just finished having a pee when in walked a BBC producer whistling Delilah. Barry, being just nineteen and full of pride at having a number one hit to his name, could not resist saying to the producer how he had written the song the producer was whistling.

“ Oh no you didn’t. “ said the producer.

Barry insisted that it was he who had written the song to no avail.

“Les Reid wrote that song.” Said the producer smugly.

“ Ah well yes, it’s true Les wrote the music, but I wrote the words you see,” responded Barry defensively.

The producer came back at him with a wonderful put down that cured Barry’s boastfulness forever.

“ I wasn’t whistling the words was I, Goofball? ”

And with that Barry slunk off suitably reprimanded and a lot wiser about why not to run your mouth.”

Listen and learn I say. Two ears and one mouth and use them in that proportion.