Simply Change the Order of Speaking so He Can’t Refuse You

Same content, different order, different effect

I believe that many readers will have some confusion when they see the title of the article: how to speak, do you still need order? Does order matter that much?

Let me show you an example, and you will understand immediately.

Different feelings by order

There was a female college student who was in urgent need of money, she went to school during the day and went to the nightclub to accompany drinks at night. When most people hear about this, do they think that this girl is self-deprecating and is not doing her right job?

However, if we put it another way, let’s say a wine escort girl, although she works in a nightclub at night, still insists on going to school during the day. Did you immediately feel that this stray girl is particularly inspirational and motivated?

You see these two sentences are saying the same thing, but if the order is slightly reversed, does it give people a very different feeling?

In fact, in daily life, in the relationship between the sexes, this way of speaking also has a power that cannot be underestimated.

A real case

Ms. Cherry, one of my neighbors. She is a married woman who has been married to her husband for more than three years. The reason she came to me for consultation was that she felt that her relationship with her husband had drifted apart after having a child.

She felt that she was doing widowed parenting at all. Every day her husband came home, either sitting in front of the computer or sitting on the sofa in the living room and swiping his phone. Ask him to help with some housework, but his answer is always: I work for a day, and I am very tired when I come back from getting off work.

At this time, Cherry lady’s heart will instantly jump up a group of anger: you work, I am idle? You know tired, so I don’t know tired?

In this way, the burden of housework and child care all fell on Ms. Cherry’s body alone. And if she forces her husband to do things, her husband will be full of unwillingness, and he will do things quite perfunctorily.

In the long run, similar things continue to happen, and the cycle continues. Ms. Cherry already felt exhausted. She felt that she had sacrificed so much for her family and children, but her husband couldn’t understand her.

And her husband also felt that after giving birth, she seemed to be a different person, becoming both emotional and meaningful. In the end, the two of them even made a fuss about wanting to divorce and end this tormented marriage.

In fact, at such a time, I have seen it more than once, and many similar cases are like this. Because the communication method is not in place, and the accumulation of small conflicts in the long run it is easy to cause a relationship crisis.

the right way to communicate

So, after I heard her statement. I asked her how she usually communicated with her husband. For example, if she wants her husband to wash the dishes, how will she tell him?

She answers that she usually says: stop looking at your phone, go wash the dishes. Or, stop lying there and go wash the dishes.

I believe that this is also the way many of us will use the expression. This is where the problem begins.

Think from another perspective, when you are watching a movie or playing a game, suddenly someone jumps up in front of you, using an imperative tone, to tell you to stop what you are doing and do another one. What is your reaction to something you don’t enjoy or even dislike?

I think your reaction must be: I’m only halfway through my drama; I’ll go after a while; I’m only halfway through this game, I’ll die if I do it later… ·

A large part of the reason for this is that you were originally full of resistance to what the other person said.

If we don’t like this kind of dialogue ourselves, how can others like it? But we often use such a dialogue method, delusional that the other party can do what you say and be obedient, which is simply a fool’s dream.

So, after I listened to her words, I asked her back, would you go to wash the dishes obediently if your husband said the same thing to you?

She pondered for a while and said: I should probably want to strangle him.

So, since this method is not desirable, how can we change the communication method to resolve the contradiction in communication and make it easier for the other party to do what you say?

This goes back to what we mentioned at the beginning, pay attention to the order of speech.

When we ask someone for help, we generally thank them afterward.

And now we might as well transfer this order first. When asking someone for help, thank him first, and then make our appeal.

Take Ms. Cherry as an example. When she wants her husband to help her share the housework, she should say: Husband, thank you, I know you have worked hard for work. However, I have to take care of the baby and do the housework by myself, so I can’t be too busy, so can you help me with the dishes?

I believe that it would be difficult for a husband to refuse a request made by a wife with such an attitude as a normal couple.

Afterward, when the other party does what you asked for, you thank him again and say: Thank you, husband, thank you for being so considerate of me, you are so kind.

Will the other party feel more comfortable at this time, and will be more willing to pay for you next time?

Human nature is like this. When you have not obtained any benefits, you are of course unwilling, or you only feel that there is no hard reason for paying, and when you have already paid, you have already received other people’s “rewards” ”, usually you become embarrassed to be rewarded without merit.

Coupled with encouragement and benign incentives, is the other party more willing to do the same next time?

This is the art of communication and the skill of speaking.

In the end, Ms. Cherry, after listening to the opinions, did as I said, and within a month, her relationship with her husband improved a lot.

Now her husband, sometimes without her having to say anything, will take the initiative to coax the child and help her with some simple housework.

Therefore, in many cases, it can be changed. As long as you use the right method and practice, I believe that success is not far away!