Simple Reasons Why One Parenting Style Does Not Fit All
Because our perspectives are unique
When I became a mother at 28, I was certain about the type of parent I would be.
I knew my temperament and how I would react to certain things, but reality hit differently. How wrong I was! I must admit, some of my predictions about myself weren’t exactly correct.
Being a parent teaches you a lot of things that you wouldn’t ordinarily know if you aren’t one.
Luckily, my husband and I have been able to agree on similar parenting patterns, although we occasionally give room for each other’s perspective where necessary. Through various child-care issues like screen time duration for the kids, manner of feeding, level of interaction, schooling, sleeping methods amidst other matters, we have always found a meeting point.
The parenting journey has been an eye-opener for me and here are some things I have discovered about it:
1. There are various stereotypes on what “perfect parenting" should be
The truth be said, the society has a way of defining what we should or shouldn’t do as parents. It sort of imposes its preference on us (if we allow it)
For instance;
i. Parents who are not so strict with their children are sometimes adjudged lenient parents who can’t show boundaries.
ii. Parents who exercise overly strict disciplinary measures are called out for being too mean.
iii. Mothers who don’t breastfeed are sometimes condemned for not doing so (whether it’s a health issue that caused it or not, nobody cares)
iv. In some parts of the world, the cesarean section is less preferable to natural birth.
These are few examples of standards which some parents are expected to conform to. While there is also a leeway to make your preferred choice as a parent, the pressure remains existent.
It may not be intentional, yet the society continues to lay down unwritten rules on what parenting should be.
Agreed, stereotypical norms will always exist. However, parents can only do the best they can in order not to be blindly guided into conforming to societal demands.
2. Various parenting styles exist
There are various styles of parenting.
The Intivix website highlights some of them:
- Attachment parenting: focuses more on bonding between parent and child.
- Authoritative parenting: there, firm boundaries and rules are established between both parties. Both have expectations on what should happen from each end.
- Helicopter Parenting: There is a sort of overprotection or excessively guarded interest in the life of the child.
- Permissive parenting: Here, the child is allowed some form of independence or freedom and isn’t subject to a plethora of rules or has excessive demands required from him or her.
- Elephant parenting: This targets the emotional needs of the child and the connection which is made.
- Uninvolved parenting: This applies to parents who are not involved in the lives of their children. Sometimes, they could provide a means of food and shelter, but nothing more.
Based on the above, any parent may exhibit one or more of these styles.
It is important to note that despite the above-mentioned techniques, a parent’s preference could be closely modeled along with his temperament and behavioral characteristics.
Another basic criterion used by researchers to determine successful measures of parenting is by distinguishing the demands of the child from the parent’s responsiveness.
3. Your child may end up becoming a reflection of you.
“Your approach to your child is as unique as you are.” — Carol Lloyd
Sometimes, your child could be a reflection of your thought pattern and attitude.
How you parent your child is a very personal and highly individualized to your situation, personalities, lifestyle, and needs- Alexandra Engler
It is usually easy to ascribe popular definitions to “good parenting” and what it means, however, our parenting circumstances and needs vary.
The same thing applies to how different communities perceive parenting. A community’s method of exercising child-care and discipline may be differently perceived by another.
A less emotional parent cannot be expected to start being emotional overnight.
Have you sometimes felt harshly judged for your choice of parenting? I think it’s quite unfair to assume that if other parents don’t adopt a particular parenting style, they aren’t doing it correctly.
For most parents, it’s almost impossible to change their parenting technique just because someone advised differently. For instance, my daughter was formerly a picky eater. Although she is a lot better now, a lot of people opined that it was my fault for not forcing her to eat!
Now this leaves me with a question: is it possible to force children to eat what they obviously don’t want?
4. Flexibility is Key
Every parent is different, and every child is different.
Even within the same household, parents may not treat each child the exact same way because their needs may be different.
Truly, the beauty of parenting is that it is unique.
It is something that is developed together by the parent and child involved in it.
It’s easy to tell another parent what to do, especially when you are not in their shoes.
Through it all, the trick is to be as flexible as possible. Parents should leave enough room for flexibility and demonstrate a general willingness to adopt any particular style that works for them.
Don’t allow another parent make you feel guilty or inadequate over your parenting choices.
Closing Thoughts
Good parenting doesn’t come easy and it takes a lot of guts, time, understanding and patience. No one does it better than the other.
Whether your parenting rules vary daily or you change them intermittently, the choice is yours to make, as long as the overall interest of the child isn’t neglected.
The whole concept of parenting should be to raise children in the best way possible so they can grow to be independent, kind and responsible individuals. Yet, it remains an exclusive journey that is peculiar to each family.
