Silver Linings

There’s nothing wrong with “grasping at straws.”

COVID-19. The coronavirus. The pandemic. Stories abound on this platform about the unthinkable, almost-apocalyptic “event” that has taken over our lives, and the world at large.

This, after all, passes for “life,” now, so it’s not unexpected that we writers would focus on what we know: An “abnormal, new normal.”

Some of the virus-forward stories have been doom and gloom-related. Others have attempted to make Gimlets from lemons.

For this piece, I’m going to take the latter tact, as much for myself as for everyone else here.

I tend to veer to the darker side. But even I need to lighten up from time-to-time.

So here I am — lightening up!

Last night, over cocktails, yes, my husband and I talked about the positive aspects of being confined to our homes. Indeed, the “silver linings.” Those wisps of light that flicker on and off like a bulb that needs tightening.

Surprisingly, there are more of them than you might imagine.

Naturally, “silver linings” will vary for everyone, but I thought I’d share the following “flickers.” I hope you find them ILLUMINATING.

You can blow off the clock. If you work at a job where you must punch a time clock, you’re not punching one now. Think of it: No more busting your ass so as to not be docked in pay. That’s huge, no? Give that foreman the finger! Virtually, of course.

You can stay up as late as you want and pass out on the couch. Neither your boss or their spy toady will know if you “report” to work a few minutes late. No doubt, they’re doing the same.

You don’t have to deal with the a-hole in the cubicle next to yours. No more listening to the dude with the phlegmy cough or the boomer who plays REO Speedwagon on a loop or the chick whose lunch always smells like a dumpster in July. None of that! You’re free!

You can binge-watch movies, old and new. In between Marvel Comic derivatives, I heartily suggest you give “All About Eve” a look if you haven’t already. A masterpiece with one of the finest screenplays ever written. Smart. Witty. A film that never gets old.

You can scrub your tub, a toilet, or the rest of your house without worrying about your no-chip mannie. I’m back to my pre-manicure years: Short and neat, and it’s incredibly freeing. Especially with my OCD. A good filing and buffing, a swipe of clear polish and I’m good to go…nowhere.

You can cuddle with your pets all day long. They’re thrilled that you're home, so return that heaping helping of unconditional love. Our three cats are beside themselves that “Mommy and Daddy are always here!”

You can wear comfy clothes 24/7. No suits, ties, pantyhose, or even “business casual.” By the way, pantyhose, in my humble opinion, are the devil. I remember riding the “L” to the Chicago Loop during one of our steaming hot summers and cringing internally as the sweat rain down my legs. Not to mention my crotch encased in all that nylon. Give me smooth, bare legs any day. F*ck pantyhose! Fishnets? Maybe. But there’s a time and a place.

You have plenty of time to work on your Amazon Wish List. Put any damned thing in there that suits your fancy. I have everything from high-end exercise equipment to inexpensive health and beauty products that I don’t need as I’m already hoarding quite a stash. One caveat: Make sure you’re sober while doing this, or you’re liable to go from “list” to “cart” to “paid,” before you know what hit you.

You can rediscover your vinyl. Surely, many of you remember actual records? Blow the dust off your turntable and fire those babies up. Dance around in your comfy clothes or no clothes, at all. If someone walking outside happens to see you through a window — that’s their problem.

You can probably save a bundle on daycare if you have kids of a “certain age.” You may be losing your friggin’ mind, but think of the bucks you’ll be able to use toward your Amazon Wish List. When you consider that, according to Care.com, more than 40% of families spend more than 15% of household income on child care, those savings are considerable.

You can save on gas, too. You’re not driving to work. In fact, you’re probably not driving anywhere, except to the store and that should be infrequently. Ka-ching!

You can initiate healthier habits. Time on your hands needn’t translate to time spent as a slug. Kickoff that workout regime you’ve been meaning to commit to. How’s your diet? Could that use an overhaul? Get at it and get creative. If you’re a meat-eater, consider switching to “veg-only” a couple of days per week. You know what to do. Now you have the time to get it done.

You can get buzzed with impunity. I’m not suggesting that you go full-tilt-boogie on the booze, but if you want to enjoy a glass of wine prior to “happy hour,” go for it, if that’s what gets you through. Or pop a couple of gummies like I did last night. Or smoke a little weed. If none of those floats your boat, you can have a V-8, instead!

You can learn how to make a decent meal. If you suck as a cook, now’s the time to get cracking. There are plenty of videos online that will teach you how to poach an egg, roast a chicken or bake a bundt. If you’re already an accomplished cook, have at it. Cook your ass off!

See? There’s plenty to be grateful for, even now, if we take the time to suss out our bright spots.

If nothing else, I hope I’ve brightened your day a bit. Naturally, I’d love to know your thoughts…where you find your bright spots. So I’m going to tag you P.G. Barnett, Chris Hedges 🦄, Gurpreet Dhariwal, Rasheed Hooda, Joe Luca, and Stephen Dalton.

Naturally, feel free to pay the prompt forward. And thanks for reading.

Sherry McGuinn is a slightly-twisted, longtime Chicago-area writer and award-winning screenwriter. Her work has appeared in The Chicago Tribune, Chicago Sun-Times, and numerous other publications. Sherry’s manager is currently pitching her newest screenplay, a drama with dark, comedic overtones and inspired by a true story.

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