The telling signs you’re not feeling sexually satisfied

Feel like things have grown stale or awkward in the bedroom? You may not be satisfied and these may be some of the signs you’re ignoring.

by: E.B. Johnson

For many couples, sexual intimacy is a cornerstone of their connection. It’s a powerful bonding agent. We can communicate through our intimacy, and we also open up to greater vulnerability and compassion through the act itself. It brings us together, it can give us a sense of fun, and it can even be a repairing agent when stress starts to reveal cracks along the walls of our partnerships.

Sexually intimacy is important, but it’s also a living component which has to consciously and mindfully be nourished. While our sex lives with our partners may begin with fireworks and sparks, things can grow stagnant as we get busy with our lives. Are you still satisfied in the bedroom? Do you still talk about sex with one another? If things are growing distant, it’s time for you both to put them back on track.

Good sex doesn’t always stay good sex.

A good sex life is important in many relationships, but not every partnership looks after their intimacy levels as they should. Good sex doesn’t always stay good sex. For that to happen, we have to keep exploring our boundaries and our sexual compatibility with one another. We change as people and the things we want from our physical relationships changes too. Understanding that, we can get back on the same page with one another sexually.

Are you struggling to find satisfaction with your partner? Do you feel as though your intimate relationship with one another has grown stale? There are both overt and covert signs that there’s a major sexual disconnect that needs to be addressed, but we have to find the courage to open up to one another (and ourselves).

What has changed in your intimate partnership? Are you interested in trying new things, or getting back to the way things were? The only way to find the answers that you seek is to explore where you’re at. Then you can sit down and have a serious talk, educate yourselves, and explore new horizons that repair the sexual satisfaction levels that you and your partner are experiencing.

Signs you’re no longer satisfied in the bedroom.

Are you and your partner struggling to be intimate? Do you find yourself irritated by your sex lives, or avoidant of them altogether? We have to admit when we’re no longer satisfied in the bedroom, so that we can both work to get our intimacy back on track.

Failing to be present

When it comes to being intimate with our partners, there is a certain presence that’s necessary. If you just want to get through things and aren’t really present in the moment, or mindful of your body or your partner, then you’ll end up going through the motions and detaching from the experience entirely. This leaves us with empty intimacy, something which is felt by your partner and echoed through the entire emotional range of your partnership.

Going solo more often

Do you find that you’re engaging more in solo-pleasuring instead of being intimate with your partner? While masturbation is a healthy and natural activity to engage in, choosing to go solo rather than be with your partner can indicate certain breakdowns that you may not be paying attention to. Are you disconnecting in the bedroom? Do you feel more unsatisfied than before?

Thinking about options

Have you (or your partner) started thinking about other options when it comes to meeting your intimate needs? If you are fantasizing about other partners (even when you’re with your partner) then it’s a concrete sign that you’re not getting something that you want from the partner that you have. Are you thinking about straying outside of the relationship? You need to address your intimacy issues before you do something that you regret.

Zero communication

Communication is another cornerstone of every solid relationship. We have to talk to one another in order to express both our needs and the things we expect from our partners and our partnerships. When we don’t talk, it can lead to misunderstandings and even an ultimate relationship break down. As partners, we’re responsible for talking about what we want in the bedroom or how we’re feeling about one another on a physical level.

Irritating shifts in mood

Our intimate lives can have a direct impact on our moods, and when we feel things beginning to break down, we can notice that our mood follows suit. It’s understandable. No one likes having issues in their relationships. Knowing that there’s a problem can leave us on edge and feeling as though our relationship is spinning out of control. Pay attention to dramatic changes in your mood and emotions. Are they pointing toward intimacy issues?

Deserting the scene

What happens after you and your partner are intimate? Do you spend time cuddling? Do you resort to a little pillow talk? If neither of the above applies to you, you may be someone who runs from the bed as soon as you and your partner are done being intimate. Like it or not, this can be a sign of discomfort, or a sign of regret. These feelings, more often than not, are triggered by complex unhappiness that rests around the act of intimacy in general.

Holding out altogether

Are you or your partner withholding sex altogether? This is one of the most common signs that something is disconnected in your intimate relationships. As humans, many of us are innately sexual creatures. Withholding that part of ourselves very often points to disconnects, or hangups, and injuries that need to be addressed honestly and with compassion. Rather than holding out, you have to speak out about how you feel.

What you can do to get your intimacy back on track.

Getting our intimacy levels back on track is a process which takes both time and the commitment of all parties involved. Before we can fix anything, we have to pinpoint the ongoing problems and then figure out where we are in our own sexual journey. Then we can sit down and have a serious talk about where we want to go and how we’re going to get there.

1. Pinpoint the ongoing problems

As with any relationship improvements that we make, repairing our sexual intimacy is a journey that takes a lot of time to sort through and process. You can successfully get where you’re going on a journey without having some idea of where you’re going. That requires a starting point, though, and understanding where you’re at (so that you can see where you’re going).

Pinpoint the ongoing problems before you take action or sit your partner down to talk. Do you actually understand where your intimacy is breaking apart? Have you spotted all the signs and honestly named them for the impact they’re having on your partnership?

Admit to your sexual shortcomings and desires; be honest about your partner’s as well. Look at your relationship as a whole. How are these prolonged intimacy problems affecting you both? Are you getting angry? Irritated? More likely to cheat? Before either one of you commit to something you regret, you owe it to yourselves to try to fix the problem.

2. Figure out where you’re at sexually

Once you’ve admitted to the overall intimacy issues in your relationship, it’s time to take a deeper look inward. Intimate relationships with our partners are a two-sided street, a give-and-take. Rarely are these problems one sided, so it’s important that we reflect and confess to anything we may be getting wrong ourselves. After all, it takes two partners to tango and both have to get the steps right.

Leave your partner out of it for a second and focus on yourself instead. What is the lay of your intimate landscape? Have the things you wanted changed? Have your views on intimacy in general changed?

Be honest with yourself about yourself. Analyze where you were at the start of your relationship, then question where you honestly are now. Having a handle on this information will not only help you to communicate with your partner, but also help you both to better realize the extent of your needs and expectations when it comes to being intimate with one another.

3. Sit down and have a serious talk

Like it or not, at some point you and your partner are going to have to sit down and talk about what’s going on. It’s not always easy to talk to our partners about sex, but it’s necessary. Otherwise, we risk going on unhappy and creating even bigger issues for ourselves. Rather than avoiding reality, we have to embrace it, and communicate both our needs and expectations with one another.

Sit your partner down at a comfortable time and open up about how you’re feeling. Explain what issues you find in your sex lives and explain too how you would like to see your physical intimacy change. Don’t blame your partner for any disconnects and instead keep your points focused on solutions.

After saying what you need to say, clear the way for them to do the same. Encourage them to speak up about how they’re feeling and make it clear that they’re safe to express what they want. Just as you’re looking for certain changes to be made, they will be too. Get everything out in the open and then the two of you can come together to find the middle ground and the middle way.

4. Creatively educate yourselves

Once everything is out there and you’ve gotten past the initial awkwardness, it’s important that you both spend some time educating yourselves. You could say that the world is still going through a sexual awakening, and there’s a lot of helpful info out there when it comes to learning more about our bodies and how to pleasure them. Open up your minds and take a deep dive into some new experiences that you both could share.

Educate yourselves on what it means to build a happy, healthy, and stable intimate relationship. Being intimate together is more than simply having sex. It’s the ultimate act of vulnerability, and it can bond us to our partners in powerfully emotional ways.

Spend time together and apart looking for things that you can try or experiment with together. When you don’t like something, be upfront — and don’t put yourself in any compromising situations just because you feel as though it’s important to your partner. Finding a middle ground should not require us to compromise our safety, our morals, or our integrity. If it does, we have bigger issues to address.

5. Enjoy the exploration process

We tend to look at any sort of relationship repair as unpleasant “work”. But rebuilding intimacy is not the same. This is a process which can be both joyful and fun — helping bring us back together through the creation of binding memories. Even while we repair the damage our inattention has caused, we can enjoy ourselves and find joy in one another.

Enjoy the exploration process together and allow it to bring you together through a sense of fun. Intimacy opens us up, but it also allows us to relax. When we feel comfortable enough with our partner to be as we are, we are better able to communicate our feelings and be honest about them.

Make the process a fun one. Incorporate games and keep lightheartedness (and respect) in the center of it all. The more fun you make this process, the easier it will be for you to be candid with one another about things working or not working. That’s where the true power of transformation likes…in our ability to be honest with one another about what we want and don’t want.

Putting it all together…

Are you getting what you want in the bedroom, or feeling as though you are sexually satisfied? A lot of people aren’t, and that’s because they ignore the critical warning signs of a partnership that’s suffering from splintered intimacy. Rather than running away from the truth, we have to embrace it so that we can get our shared sex lives back on track.

Pinpoint your ongoing problems and name them for what they are. If you are no longer intimate with one another — fess up. Only when you admit to your relationship shortcomings can you finally fix them. Knowing your problems, seek then to pinpoint your own sexual changes and revolutions. What we value intimately changes over time. Again, be honest with yourself so that you and your partner can sit down and discuss some genuine compromises. Educate yourselves on what it means to be sexually compatible and then have fun exploring your new boundaries with one another. Our intimacy doesn’t have to drift forever, we can bring it back together and reunite our relationship in powerful ways.