Signs You’re a Victim of Gaslighting

A Psychological Manipulation

Gaslighting, or psychological manipulation, has been around for decades and it’s not going away anytime soon. Gaslighting can be hard to recognize if you’re unfamiliar with it. At first, it might seem like you’re just having a rough patch in your relationship, but over time, it can become more and more detrimental to your mental well-being and even change the way you see yourself and the world around you. This guide will help you identify the red flags of gaslighting so that you can protect yourself and move on with your life as soon as possible.

What is gaslighting?

Gaslighting is a subtle form of psychological manipulation where victims are made to constantly doubt themselves. The term originated from the 1944 MGM film Gaslight and has become increasingly relevant as more people report being subjected to it in their daily lives.

Typically someone who is gaslighting will tell blatant lies or contradict themselves, then deny doing so. This can cause you to second-guess yourself and erode your self-confidence. Commonly, gaslighters are narcissists, sociopaths, or psychopaths looking for an easy way to manipulate someone. They target people who tend to be trusting and friendly because they want them to believe everything they say without question.

The signs you are being gaslighted

It is common to feel unsure about something in your life but it’s not always about gaslighting. If you are questioning the reality or feel that others don’t understand how you think, react or feel on a regular basis, you could be being gaslighted. Here are some signs:

• Constant misremembering: It’s not like I have to tell you everything that happens in my day, you might think because your partner never seems to remember anything correctly. He’s always making mistakes, you joke with your friends. But what if those mistakes aren’t mistakes? What if they’re deliberate distortions by an abuser trying to convince their victim they don’t have a grasp on reality?
• Trivializing: Your concerns are dismissed as unimportant and exaggerated. Your feelings are invalidated as silly or irrational — or simply ignored altogether. As a result, you doubt yourself, which erodes your sense of self-worth and personal authority over time.
• Blaming: It’s all about shifting responsibility for his own behavior.

Recognizing Gaslighting in Relationships

One way to identify gaslighting is if you feel like your opinions or beliefs are constantly questioned. For example, if you believe that women make less than men for doing the same work and someone in your life keeps telling you otherwise, you could be dealing with a person who engages in gaslighting. In addition to doubting your beliefs and perceptions, gaslighters also make it hard for victims to trust their own judgment.

Some might say that’s impossible — how can you possibly not trust yourself? But when someone disagrees with everything you say or criticize every move that’s made on your part, it can erode self-confidence over time. Instead of questioning themselves and their judgment as they normally would have in past relationships, they begin to question what is normal behavior.

Gaslighting can include a range of tactics including lying, distracting, minimizing, denying, and blaming. When you are dealing with someone who uses gaslighting as a manipulation tool, pay close attention to what they do, not the words they choose.

What are some ways to deal with this type of abuse?

If you or someone you know is being gaslighted by their significant other, it’s important to know that there are long-term effects. Common gaslighting techniques often involve playing mind games such as telling half-truths, trying to make themselves look like they’re not at fault, or spinning reality so that things appear differently than they actually are. The effects of being subjected to these tactics can be harmful. It might begin with small instances where one person doesn’t remember something that happened in their relationship — or where one person says something happened when it didn’t. Over time, a victim might find themself doubting their own memory and actions more frequently.

First, it’s important to realize you aren’t crazy. If someone is trying to get you to doubt yourself or question your sanity, chances are you’re dealing with gaslighting. Be aware of these signs, and if they apply to you, start working on finding ways to gain some perspective and create distance between yourself and the gaslighter. One easy tactic is by keeping a daily journal. Whenever gaslighting occurs — and be vigilant for when it does — write down exactly what happened so that you can look back later and see how else you could have responded (or didn’t respond) without feeling like something was wrong with me.

The effects of gaslighting can linger for years after its use has ended. People who have been subject to gaslighting may experience symptoms from anxiety and depression to suicidal ideation, insomnia, and paranoia. In order to avoid these issues, it is imperative that people get professional help immediately if they suspect they are being subjected to gaslighting. Also, refusing to engage in a relationship with someone who is attempting to manipulate you is vital; no one should have power over you — not even someone you love dearly.

If you identify with any of these signs of gaslighting, it’s important that you seek professional help right away. Left unaddressed, gaslighting can take a significant toll on your self-esteem and overall mental health.

Your doctor can recommend a counselor who is equipped to help you process and deal with what is happening to you.

You can also contact the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1–800–799–7233 for confidential assistance from trained advocates.

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