“Shrapnels & Babies”
a poem from my hospital days

Shrapnels and babies
The horrors of this humanity, it be
A shameful legacy
Toil in the grain to see the bores drip
Tree flowers, lotus blooms
Flowering for dead souls, all saints
I ate enough for three
Was an acquiescent calm in my chest
Longing for a wild side
The bed still rocks, I still sleep
Not a personage for me, yet —
As a moth peels hairs back —
I can masturbate my excesses into a poisonous juice
Dare not bite my wings!
For if I fall, so goes all of humanity and Man
On an Isle, for Christ’s sake!
Or Muhammad’s or Gautama’s— whoever you so believe
Will come down and punish us for a lesion
But alone, a league is legion for our tiny capsule — we!
We who call a name and glorify a brightened past
Equalling timbre in the present, yet
Maiming one another —
There is no talking of such things
For when spoken, it becomes laterally passed
Disgust disguised
My humanity declines, for the evil thoughts provide
Dream merchants vend, but I know debris
Makes isles, radiation of sea life
Steer me away from eating fish
Such foolery in the seal show, stoned!
For the shark is hunting always — and the lions too
They live to kill, as we do
But our murder, none can claim
No man I admire then! Above-water beasts
Sea comes nipping at my feet
Skin draped off, I sense an effect
Saw my soul, now I am wet
With the licks of Homo—
Sapiens, sapiens
I am them, and they are me … Duh
And at the crime scene, this species made a mess
Little did they know, it’s the sutures —
Her bloody little sutures —
That dictate in my life
So I am cruel, like my brethren, my sisters
Killer kin
Lord, high, Elohim
You know too well my sin!
If you must chastise, I resign
For I know I am one in some billion
Who too can be cruel
Protect me from them, protect me from me
So through Your spirit, I’ll resign
And I accept
This current state.
Fear no evil!
I wrote this several years back when I was going in and out of the psych ward. Without spoon-feeding a meaning hard into anyone’s mouth, let’s just say I got pretty resentful of humanity’s ways at times. It can be frustrating as a person who cares about the well-being of the planet, environment, animals, and especially other humans, to see the tragedies that go on on a daily basis. I’m not a particularly cynical person, but I could get pretty cynical back then. I’m glad to say I’ve moved on to more positive thought patterns today, but I can still heavily relate to what was being said by some-years-ago me.
What does this poem make you think of? Have you ever felt resentment towards humans like I have?
