Should You Wish Your Ex-Mother-in-Law a Happy Birthday?

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Abstract

ll a member. What does the community expect from me?</li></ul><h2 id="1abb">Utilitarian Ethics</h2><p id="814e">Funny enough, my new partner was born the same day as my ex-mother-in-law; it makes it easier to remember the date. From an astrological standpoint, there might be some twisted oedipal reason for this. But that’s beyond the scope of our study.</p><p id="cbb3">Since my ex-wife will be spending the day with her mother, sending a happy birthday message is a surefire way to make them talk about me, which can only lead them to another of their memorable fights.</p><p id="745a">So, overall, a positive outcome.</p><h2 id="ce38">Deontological Ethics</h2><p id="1d39">Immanuel Kant would disagree with the previous reasoning. For him, the ends don’t justify the means. I shouldn’t wish my ex-mother-in-law a happy birthday for the noble outcome of making my ex-wife angry. I should wish her a happy birthday if it’s the right thing to do. Is it, in Kant’s words, a categorical imperative? Is it my duty?</p><p id="1bb4">I can tell you there were way too many dates to remember during my wedding. The wedding date for one. My ex-wife’s birthday for two. This already long list could go on and on. Can anyone argue that remembering all these dates is my duty as a husband? The judge did. But still, to me, it’s 50/50. Ironically, that’s how we split our assets, except for the cat, but it’s more of a liability anyway.</p><h2 id=

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"9283">Virtue Ethics</h2><p id="218b">Immanuel Kant might consider “wishing a happy birthday to the dear old bat” without thinking of the consequences. But is it a virtue? Is it, as Aristotle put it, a self-sufficient end “that which is always desirable in itself and never for the sake of something else?”</p><p id="ca8b">Shall I wish her a happy birthday for the sake of it?</p><p id="539e">It’s true, she was generous with her banana cakes, and they always were masterpieces worthy of virtuous angels. And she did let me win during most of our weekly table-tennis tournaments. But she lied in front of the court — <i>which is acceptable</i>, to my disadvantage — <i>which is not</i>.</p><h2 id="69f1">Communitarian Ethics</h2><p id="aa0b">I’ve been talking about me for a long time now — <i>NOT as usual</i>, but what about the community? With an ex-mother-in-law appointed VP of the local country club, shouldn’t we take the community’s perspective?</p><p id="3a4c">My ex-mother-in-law and I have our personal ties — and looking at the amount of the divorce settlement, they are precious. But we’re also members of the country club senior lacrosse team. What kind of example would we give our younger counterparts if I didn’t wish a happy birthday to one of my teammates? What kind of model would I be for my children, her grandchildren?</p><h1 id="c6fd">In conclusion</h1><p id="4679">Happy birthday old prune!</p></article></body>

An ethical decision-making framework

Disclaimer: In all of this article, we work under the assumption of rationality. We assume that all agents are making decisions based on logic and reasoning, not on emotions. From our experience with the said agents — my ex-wife and my ex-mother-in-law, we know this is untrue. But — as I told you both countless times already — there’s no other way if we want to use the ethical decision-making framework.

We’ll consider four (4) approaches:

Utilitarian Ethics. Will wishing a happy birthday to the old witch have an overall positive outcome?

Deontological Ethics. Is it — still?! — my duty to wish her a happy birthday, or was the divorce settlement high enough to cover for this?

Virtue Ethics. I’m a virtuous man — I AM! This private investigator you hired was more of a Photoshop expert than anything. Is it a virtue to wish a happy birthday to your ex-mother-in-law?

Communitarian Ethics. My ex-mother-in-law is Vice-President at the country club. I’m still a member. What does the community expect from me?

Utilitarian Ethics

Funny enough, my new partner was born the same day as my ex-mother-in-law; it makes it easier to remember the date. From an astrological standpoint, there might be some twisted oedipal reason for this. But that’s beyond the scope of our study.

Since my ex-wife will be spending the day with her mother, sending a happy birthday message is a surefire way to make them talk about me, which can only lead them to another of their memorable fights.

So, overall, a positive outcome.

Deontological Ethics

Immanuel Kant would disagree with the previous reasoning. For him, the ends don’t justify the means. I shouldn’t wish my ex-mother-in-law a happy birthday for the noble outcome of making my ex-wife angry. I should wish her a happy birthday if it’s the right thing to do. Is it, in Kant’s words, a categorical imperative? Is it my duty?

I can tell you there were way too many dates to remember during my wedding. The wedding date for one. My ex-wife’s birthday for two. This already long list could go on and on. Can anyone argue that remembering all these dates is my duty as a husband? The judge did. But still, to me, it’s 50/50. Ironically, that’s how we split our assets, except for the cat, but it’s more of a liability anyway.

Virtue Ethics

Immanuel Kant might consider “wishing a happy birthday to the dear old bat” without thinking of the consequences. But is it a virtue? Is it, as Aristotle put it, a self-sufficient end “that which is always desirable in itself and never for the sake of something else?”

Shall I wish her a happy birthday for the sake of it?

It’s true, she was generous with her banana cakes, and they always were masterpieces worthy of virtuous angels. And she did let me win during most of our weekly table-tennis tournaments. But she lied in front of the court — which is acceptable, to my disadvantage — which is not.

Communitarian Ethics

I’ve been talking about me for a long time now — NOT as usual, but what about the community? With an ex-mother-in-law appointed VP of the local country club, shouldn’t we take the community’s perspective?

My ex-mother-in-law and I have our personal ties — and looking at the amount of the divorce settlement, they are precious. But we’re also members of the country club senior lacrosse team. What kind of example would we give our younger counterparts if I didn’t wish a happy birthday to one of my teammates? What kind of model would I be for my children, her grandchildren?