Don’t Stop YOUR Children From Having A Childhood

Is Sacrificing Your Child’s Childhood for An Uncertain Future Worth It?

We have all heard the terms ‘Asian Tiger Moms’ and ‘Helicopter Parenting’. Society and even the media applaud such forms of parenting. Of course, parents want their children to succeed and to do well in life. No parent wants their children to be unsuccessful in life, unless they are like the few who are self-absorbed in their own lives to care about their own children.

In these times, when the craze of getting a college education or getting a good job and enjoying a great lifestyle is the norm, it is understandable that parents want their children to have all that. Like everyone else, they think the only way to achieve all that is by going to a good college and getting good grades, which is true in many cases.

But one must realize that not everyone is suited for college. Now, it is better to have a college degree to fall back on if everything fails, but in today’s world when everyone has a degree in some field or the other, it is hard to get a good job. Also, when we see people who get jobs when they don’t have the grades or the ability, because of nepotism or because of some rule, it’s very demoralizing to those who have actually worked for their grades and have the ability to do the job.

School and college are not the only way to a good career. People are born with different talents and abilities and they can be used to build a career or even a business. Some people can write, sing, dance, act or even draw. Not everyone is born to be a doctor, engineer, astronaut, politician, scientist, accountant or a lawyer. The world needs people to work in various areas. Nobody is better than the other just because one is a doctor and the other works in a grocery store. We all work together to make society flourish. Can you imagine if everyone were doctors? Who would fix the cars and work the fields or clean the offices?

I know many people who spend years going to college trying to get a degree or multiple degrees and then end up not getting a job in the field(s) they have gone to school in. When they graduate, they apply for jobs and the companies reject them because they don’t have certain number of years of experience or they haven’t taken a certain course or they give various other reasons, mostly which don’t make sense, one of them being the candidate is over qualified for having too much education. It is very demoralizing. This shows that, there is no guarantee that after all that hard work we can get the job we want and also the salary. I am not advocating people be lazy, but my point is nothing is guaranteed in life except death and taxes, so don’t take life too seriously, but take life each day at a time.

Then they have to go back to school to get another degree, which everyone says is the in-thing and will surely get them a job. Ironically, when they graduate, there are no jobs available as something else is now in demand. Not to mention the student loans they accrue, which together with the interest, it ends up taking many years to pay off. So, many college-educated people cannot afford to get a house or marry or even start families. As a result, the basic things in life that matter, like having a home or family comes only later in life. By then, people lose interest and they don’t want to have a family. Even if they have a family, they decide to just have a child or two. The time they spend away from their families by working full time and then going to school to get another degree puts a strain on their family life and that ends up causing a rift in their relationship and that is why marriages begin falling apart. Another reason why people want more money in this materialistic world, is to buy the latest electronic gadgets and also vehicles with all the bells and whistles just to keep up appearances., But then what is the point when your family life is jeopardized? People don’t realize that by being frugal and content is the best way to get out of debt and to have a big nest egg. In the good old days when society was a lot less materialistic, people valued hard work, but at the same time family time and saving money was paramount rather than spending it. Also, most things can be learned on the job instead of going to college to learn it and being away from your family after work. For many, learning on the job and exploring can help them learn faster rather than paying money to take classes.

Now coming back to parents (especially from certain countries) who force their kids to study, such parents think that time spent doing sports, pursuing talents and even just being with family and friends is a waste of time and should be spent studying. I know some parents who want their kids to start studying for exams, which are either six months to a year away. What is the point in that? Are they going to remember all that they have studied so many months in advance? Some parents also insist that their children skip school events like sports day and other school day activities to study for exams. Those are the times when your children are going to build memories with their friends and even their teachers. Those are the precious memories they are going to carry with them for the rest of their lives. Why ruin it for them just for a few extra points in an exam? It is when we’re old, we fall back on these wonderful memories to keep us happy and warm and to fill our voids of loneliness with these memories. We are not going to remember mathematical formulas or equations or scientific definitions when we are old and lonely. We rely on our memories to put a smile on our faces.

All this puts extra stress on your children causing them unnecessary anxiety, which will only make them do badly in exams and cause other problems in life. I have read cases and heard of children who got punished by their parents for getting a 99 instead of a 100 in a math exam. Some students are so scared of not doing well or failing in a final exam or a board exam, thereby having to face the wrath of their parents, that they kill themselves before the results are out and ironically, they’ve passed. So all for nothing!

Now on the flip side, some parents exploit their kids to do well in sports or use their talents for their own personal gain. Fritz Von Erich is a good example who used his 5 living sons (one son died as a child) to gain fame by pushing them to wrestle and to become famous in the wrestling world. At the end of it 3 sons killed themselves and one son was suspected to have killed himself. Only one son is still alive. Fritz’s wife divorced him because she blamed him for pushing their sons for his own gain to a point where they just couldn’t take it anymore, and they committed suicide.

I know some people who want nothing to do with their parents and when I ask why, they tell me that their parents just wanted to use them for their own personal gain to make themselves rich or they wanted them to become something they couldn’t be for example a doctor or an engineer or a famous actor or musician when their own individual interests lay somewhere else. I can understand why they don’t want to have a relationship with people who they feel only used them for their own selfish gain. Such parents are only wasting precious time instead of using it for good purposes. Some parents also love the praise and adulation they receive from others for being the ‘good’ parent who is encouraging the child to succeed. Everyone forgets, it is the child who does all the hard work (willingly or unwillingly) while the parent only does the pushing. Unfortunately, it makes it worse for the child as that encourages the parent to push the child even more.

Therefore, there are lessons to be learned from all this. There is a time to study/work, a time to play and a time to have fun. We shouldn’t sacrifice any for the other or mix them up. Parents should listen to their children and realize that their children are different individuals. Surely, parents have a moral duty to guide their children through life instilling discipline and making sure that their children become productive members of society and not liabilities. But your children are not an extension of yourselves. Just because you did not have the opportunities or the ability to become a doctor or an engineer, does not mean that you should force your kids to become one. Your kids may want to become a teacher or a writer or something else, which brings them happiness. Let them pursue their dreams and passion. After all, we’re all in this world for only a short time and we need to contribute, and do what makes us happy as long as we’re not harming ourselves, others and the environment. It’s a cruel world out there. So let your children have a nice childhood. Their early years should be their best years filled with family time, love, warmth and happiness and should prepare them to face life in the future with skills and happy memories, which will help sustain them throughout their lives.

PS: Please follow and I will follow back. Help me and I will help you!

Please clap for the article and also leave comments, follow me and also please consider joining medium by clicking here.

To see my website, articles, novels and short stories, please visit my website www.trevordsilva.com