CREATIVE NONFICTION

Should I Feel Ashamed of Liking Cute Things?

Am I too old for this?

“Whoa! Penguins!” I heard shrieks heading my way. A couple of preschoolers dashed over to the shelf where I was browsing boxes of cute animal figurines in equally adorable clothing. “Look! It’s the latest one!”

A woman, whom I presumed to be their mother, calmly walked towards us. She smiled at me and asked, “Are you buying them for your children? How old are they?” I was taken aback by her question which made me fumble for a reply, “Oh no…”

She looked at me, clearly expecting a better answer.

Oh my God, mind your own business, lady!

“For my, erm, niece,” I stammered.

I don’t actually have a niece.

My heart raced in my chest as I silently wished for the floor to open up and swallow me. Although it would be better if it swallowed them up instead. She was talking to her kids, but I could tell that she might turn her attention to me again in a minute or two.

As beads of perspiration started forming on my forehead, I quickly grabbed a box of the figurines I was looking at, and excused myself. “Well, I better hurry. Today is her birthday.” I added for good measure.

At the counter, as I was about to pay, a voice piped up from behind, “Hey, don’t forget to buy wrapping paper too.” It was the woman from earlier.

“Oh, I have wrapping paper at home,” I lied through my teeth.

“Really? How come?”

Is she trying to be my best friend or what? What’s with all the questions?

“I collect them.”

“That’s interesting,” she smiled pleasantly, but I could tell that she knew I was lying.

As soon as the thought crossed my mind, I felt a little embarrassed by it. It was then when I recalled the February prompt from the Challenged: “Write about someone (or something) you loved that you shouldn’t have.”

It hasn’t been long since I started collecting Sylvanian Families/Calico Critters figurines, so I was already a grown woman when I posted the picture of my very first animal figurine on Instagram.

My friends were sweet and commented that they were cute. Then they mentioned that their daughters collect them too, and that made me feel a bit ashamed. They probably didn’t mean anything by it, but it is not a great feeling when it is pointed out to you that your hobby is similar to that of a five-year-old.

Even though I know there is nothing wrong with collecting them, I still feel a bit embarrassed about my collection. It is like a guilty pleasure that has to be kept hidden. It can feel isolating since it is hard to find others who share the same passion. Overall, it just feels weird and awkward to talk about this hobby with your friends.

Then, of course, there are the strange looks you get from parents at toy stores. It feels awkward to be checking out toys when you are actually shopping for yourself.

So why am I writing this? Well, I had actually thought about skipping this writing challenge, but by sheer coincidence, Melcarriere and I had a conversation about this a few days ago. He wasn’t the slightest bit fazed when I told him I bought myself some children’s toys that day.

His reaction made me rethink the question of loving something that you shouldn’t have. The word “should” feels so limiting, doesn’t it?

Whose jurisdiction is it to say that we should or shouldn’t do something? I mean, who wrote the rulebook that says after a certain age, you are not supposed to even look in the general direction of a toy unless you have children?

Who cares if I’m way past the targeted age group? I’ve liked them since I was a child, but never had the chance to collect them. My parents thought they were ridiculously overpriced, and they might be right.

But now that I can afford it, and it brings me joy to see their adorable faces, I don’t see anything wrong with treating myself once in a while.

It is not healthy to deny your happiness just because you are overly concerned about what others think of you, especially if it is just some random person you barely know.

True friends wouldn’t give you grief about your harmless hobby. Plus, people will always find something negative to say, no matter what.

The thing is, somehow action figures like Transformers or building blocks like Lego are seen as cool, but cute, girly toys are labeled as childish. For example, a coworker has so many Transformers toys on his desk that you can hardly find an empty spot on it. Imagine if I did the same with my animal figurines.

Is this just another example of gender discrimination, where toys traditionally aimed at boys are considered acceptable and cool for all ages, while those marketed towards girls are viewed as immature? Doesn’t this seem a bit hypocritical?

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