Should I Ask Why My Sister Unfriended Me on Facebook

Or just let it go?

I just discovered my sister unfriended me on Facebook.

I’m not sure when this happened. Or why?

Here’s how I found out. One of my daughters asked me if I’d seen a post my sister made regarding how much she loved her sister, and that even though she didn’t see much of her, she wanted her to know she loved her always and forever.

The sister mentioned wasn’t me. It was her half-sister she reunited with a few years ago.

I told my daughter I hadn’t seen it, but I would check my Facebook later that night and have a look.

When I searched for my sister on my friends list, she wasn’t there.

This shocked me.

The last contact I’d had with my sister had been in September 2021.

It’s not like my sister or I comment on each other’s posts, so it was easy for her disappearance to go unnoticed.

My sister is two years younger. In our childhood, we weren’t particularly close. We became close in our teen years with the united goal of gaining our freedom from our over controlling mother.

We were very close as young women. My sister was ecstatic when I had my first child. Within a year, she had a baby of her own. I went into the delivery room with her when her son was born. I went because her live-in boyfriend wouldn’t.

She often followed my lead.

We worked on inner healing. Attended an Adult Children of Alcoholics group together. When she left her baby’s father, I was there for her. When she left her next relationship, I was there for her.

As a single mother, I welcomed her over for Christmas dinner with my husband and children. We were starting our own family traditions, breaking away from holidays with our parents and the dysfunctional atmosphere. We wanted to start new positive traditions for our children.

So you may ask, when did it all fall apart?

In the year 2000, when the three cousins who grew up in our family began proceedings to sue our mother and our dead father’s estate for abuse. That created a divide.

Long story short, my sister stood behind our mother.

I couldn’t turn my back on my cousins. Couldn’t call them liars and pretend my mother was innocent. I told the police what I knew.

It was also the moment that I wondered if it was me making the same allegations and looking for justice. Would she stand beside me? It was the first clue she may not be there for me. We might not be as close as I believed.

Then there came a major blow-up between us in 2002.

I would not understand her anger towards me until nine years later. It would be then that I’d find out that when the lawsuit was filed against our mother, my sister took our mother to her lawyer and had our mother sign the family property over to her.

My mother and my sister kept this from me. It was a secret they shared until 2011 when one of the cousins told me my mother no longer owned her home. (that is a whole other story).

My sister stopped speaking to me in 2002.

A few years later I wrote to her, but got no reply.

It wasn’t until 2007, when I was having a solo show in the town where she lived — a retrospective of my art journey — that I sent her an invitation and tried to make peace.

She went to the show and messaged me afterwards. The ice broken between us. We began talking. But there was a distance I couldn’t put my finger on. It was not the same as before. We stepped around the subject of why we hadn’t spoken in five years.

For me, I felt uneasy around her.

Something was missing between us.

And my gut was right. All that time, she held that big secret about our family home.

In 2011, when the cousin told me my mother didn’t own her home I was totally shocked. In disbelief, I called and had a lawyer check the property title and sure enough, what he’d told me was true. Our mother’s house belonged to my sister.

Upset. Angry. Hurt. But playing it cool, I took my time to let my emotions settle. Not wanting to go off half-cocked. Wanting to make sure I dealt with the facts.

Did my sister say, “oh, I’ll make this right between us?” No!

It was through my youngest daughter and her calling my mother and my sister, letting them know she would have nothing more to do with them and they’d never see her children if they didn’t make it right with her mother.

It was then, and only then that my sister contacted me about adding my name to the deed.

I hesitated. Had to decide whether to cut the strings with my sister and my mother. Walk away. Be done with it. Those closest to me advised me not to give up what was rightfully half mine.

In the end, I met with my sister and a lawyer and had my name added to the deed. Foolishly or not, I even pay the legal fee.

My husband told me I couldn’t trust her.

Deep down, I remained guarded. Maintained a civil relationship. After all, we were co-property owners.

How could someone lie like that? It was clear she didn’t have my best interest in mind. That my feelings didn’t count. At one point when we’d discussed it in an email, my sister bluntly told me she had to protect the property.

Property was worth more than a relationship with me.

I stayed on speaking terms throughout the rest of our mother’s life. Dealt with closing down the family home in 2016 and selling it.

Since my mother’s death, there has been little contact with my sister. Nothing more than a few text messages, the rare phone call. A few infrequent in-person visits.

My sister and I have been friends on Facebook since I first joined in 2016.

My parents adopted my sister when she was eleven months old. I was almost three. In the last few years, she has met her half-siblings.

She may not want to remember the life she had. Maybe she wants to focus on the life she could have had .

Does it hurt me to be cast aside? Sure.

Has my sister considered the true impact of her actions? The ripple effect this will cause? How it not only affects me, but my children and how they feel they must choose sides, even though I don’t ask them to? But there is now an awkwardness in their relationship with their aunt.

Why did she unfriend me? I don’t really know.

And it’s the silence that hurts the most.

The repeat of a familiar cycle in our family, how my mother, the younger sister hated her older sister and didn’t speak to her.

Family connections destroyed, or maybe they were never really there. It may have been all an illusion.

Is this the repercussion of childhood abuse?

The mature, adult part of me would like to call or message and ask if she meant to unfriend me and ask why. But another part of me knows nothing she’ll say will matter. That sometimes it’s best to just let go.

Thank you for reading.