Should A Couple Make Joint Decisions

Summary

A man's impulsive purchase of a dream house for his wife raises concerns about the practicality and joint decision-making in a marriage, especially during uncertain economic times.

Abstract

The article discusses the implications of a man buying a house for his wife without her input, highlighting the potential financial and personal risks involved. Despite the romantic gesture, the decision to purchase a large home during a pandemic, when job security is precarious, is questioned. The purchase limits the couple's flexibility in dealing with potential job changes, promotions, or family expansion due to the significant mortgage and maintenance responsibilities. The article also points out that personal tastes change over time, and what was once a dream house may no longer be appealing. It suggests that such a unilateral decision reflects a possible pattern of male dominance and is ultimately deemed irresponsible without mutual agreement and consideration of future circumstances.

Opinions

The purchase of a house without mutual consent is not advisable, especially during a pandemic when job security is uncertain.
The financial burden of a large mortgage may restrict career and life choices for both partners, such as changing jobs or accepting promotions that require relocation.
The cost of childcare for multiple children could necessitate one partner to give up employment, further straining the family's finances.
Personal tastes and preferences evolve, and what was once desired may no longer be appealing, making such a significant purchase a potential mistake.
The responsibility of maintaining a large property could add undue stress, particularly for someone already managing a full-time job and family responsibilities.
The act of making such a major financial decision unilaterally may reflect underlying issues of gender roles and power dynamics within the relationship.

A man bought his wife a house — is this justified?

Image courtesy of The Plan Collection

When asked if a couple should make joint decisions, I suppose the majority of people will say yes. A couple should talk to each other and decide on major purchases together. Yet, yesterday I came across a video of a man who had bought his wife her dream house.

She was seated in a car, he handed her a big box, out of which came a smaller box, and yet a smaller box, and a smaller box, until she eventually held a tiny blue box with a key. While she unwrapped the boxes, he held up cards to the camera telling a story.

They had been married for 12 years and had two small daughters. Many years ago, while taking a walk, she had seen this house and declared it her dream house. A few days ago, he had made an offer on the five bedroom, two garage, house and now it was theirs.

While at first this might seem like a nice and romantic gesture, when you start thinking about it, it’s anything but.

During this pandemic, businesses are closing left, right and center and nobody’s job is safe. Nobody’s job is ever 100% safe, but during the pandemic, jobs, more than ever, hang in the balance. Suppose one or both of them loses their job, they won’t be able to pay their enormous mortgage and will have to sell or the bank will foreclose.

Suppose the woman is sick and tired of her job and wants to quit. With this house and its mortgage, quitting has become impossible.

Suppose the woman loves her job, and is so good at it that she’s up for a promotion. Management has offered her a job in San Francisco where she will be the manager of a brand new office. If the couple, for instance, lives in Kentucky, they will have to sell the house, or she will have to forego her promotion.

Suppose the woman wants another child. She can forget about baby number three, because — unless the kids get dumped on her parents or in-laws, daycare becomes unaffordable. Child Care Aware of America states the following:

The average cost of center-based daycare in the United States is $11,896 per year ($991 a month) for infants and $10,158 per year ($847 a month) for toddlers. Prices for infant daycare can range from $5,760 to $20,880 a year ($480 to $1,740 monthly).

Even if a family can afford daycare for one child, for two children it can be a stretch. And for three children … well, one partner might as well give up his or her job.

On the other hand, what if the house that was the woman’s dreamhouse when she was in her early twenties is no longer her dreamhouse now that she is in her thirties. We all know that our tastes change as we get older. At one point we might have thought something gorgeous, but a few years later we might wonder what we ever saw in this or that. We even might think it hideous.

On the practical side, who is going to clean this five bedroom, two garage house? People who live in such big houses usually have staff who does the cleaning. How is the woman, who has a full-time job, supposed to cope with keeping the house clean? Not only does she have a job, she has a husband and two kids … she must be run off her feet.

Considering all this, it is rather irresponsible for the man to have made the decision to buy this house. Who gives him the right to make such a decision? Is this in a form of male dominance?