Shocking Poll Reveals 32% of Humans Genuinely Believe Waking Up Early Makes Them Live Longer

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ot count as living. Everyone knows that,” said Camilla Bonner who genuinely believes she will live for at least 175 years even if 26 world wars happen during her lifetime.Refusing to let go of my microphone, Bonner added, “What’s the rush, dude? Where are you going? Sleep? Not interested in living longer? I have time to talk. You can ask me more questions. Talking counts as living. Please tell me you know that.”When asked reluctantly if she would survive any zombie apocalypse, Bonner’s face lit up, “Brilliant question, dude. You’re smarter than you look. You see, the more I am awake, the more zombies love me. Zombies don’t sleep either. I’m a zombie, too, when you think about it. In fact, I will make cold brew coffee for the zombies— extra strong — so they can keep me company for a while. It’s not at all zombies’ fault; they eat 68% of humans. Those people chose to sleep, which is death. Wait. Did you just yawn? God give you strength! Go to sleep. It’s suicide. Remember — I tried to save you.”“Sleeping does not count as living?? That’s preposterous. I’m in bed by 9 p.m. I wake up at 9 a.m. Twelve hours of sleep is decent enough for me. Do you have any idea how much I dream during those 12 hours? Didn’t you watch the Inception movie? Five minutes in the real world means an hour in a dream. I’m living longer than early humans and “neither”, even if I die before 50. And I’m already 63. Bring on the third world war and the zombie apocalypse. Who’s laughing now?” said Anastasia Bich — as she yawned for 13 seconds.If you yawned while reading the above, read the below — without yawning:<div id="770e" class="link-block"> <a href="https://muddyum.net/we-sincerely-hope-you-enjoy-your-stay-at-the-white-hole-1ffede4f6b81">

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Are you a night owl or an early bird?

PHOENIX, AZ (The Srini Report) — With the results of a recent poll indicating 68% of humans don’t give a hoot about waking up early, analysts were greatly disturbed by the fact that 32% of humans genuinely believe waking up early makes them invincible.

“It’s really simple. I’m in bed by 5 p.m. I wake up at 3 a.m. 10 hours of sleep is good enough for me. Do I want to be called an early bird? Definitely. Not. Definitely not! I want to be called an early human. I want to set a positive example not only for humans but also for birds. Do I think I am better than 68% of humans? I don’t think so. I know so. Wait. I’m sorry to be rude. It’s 4 p.m. I must go to bed. Good night,” said Wyatt Gotobed who genuinely believes he will live for at least 125 years even if the third and fourth world war happens.

“The trick is to get a maximum of 2 hours of sleep. I go to bed by 12:30 a.m. I wake up at 2:30 a.m. 2 hours of sleep is more than enough for me. Do I want to be called a night owl or an early bird? Neither. I want to be called “neither”. I want to set a positive example not only for early birds and night owls but also for early humans. I’m almost always awake. So technically I am living longer every day. Sleeping does not count as living. Everyone knows that,” said Camilla Bonner who genuinely believes she will live for at least 175 years even if 26 world wars happen during her lifetime.

Refusing to let go of my microphone, Bonner added, “What’s the rush, dude? Where are you going? Sleep? Not interested in living longer? I have time to talk. You can ask me more questions. Talking counts as living. Please tell me you know that.”

When asked reluctantly if she would survive any zombie apocalypse, Bonner’s face lit up, “Brilliant question, dude. You’re smarter than you look. You see, the more I am awake, the more zombies love me. Zombies don’t sleep either. I’m a zombie, too, when you think about it. In fact, I will make cold brew coffee for the zombies— extra strong — so they can keep me company for a while. It’s not at all zombies’ fault; they eat 68% of humans. Those people chose to sleep, which is death. Wait. Did you just yawn? God give you strength! Go to sleep. It’s suicide. Remember — I tried to save you.”

“Sleeping does not count as living?? That’s preposterous. I’m in bed by 9 p.m. I wake up at 9 a.m. Twelve hours of sleep is decent enough for me. Do you have any idea how much I dream during those 12 hours? Didn’t you watch the Inception movie? Five minutes in the real world means an hour in a dream. I’m living longer than early humans and “neither”, even if I die before 50. And I’m already 63. Bring on the third world war and the zombie apocalypse. Who’s laughing now?” said Anastasia Bich — as she yawned for 13 seconds.

If you yawned while reading the above, read the below — without yawning: