Technology
Building High Performance
Engaging others on their terms
Over the course of 20 years of leading teams, I’ve come to understand how we engage people matters. I missed countless opportunities to connect with others for many years because I spent more time thinking about how they could help me complete projects.
How we engage our team matters.
There is a better way and it is a simple principle I practice regularly today in my work and life that can make us more effective leaders. Here’s the secret.
The secret to effectively entering the world of others is engaging them on their terms, not ours. We must care about issues important to them, not always ones important to us.
What does it look like at work?
Simple example. When setting up a meeting for the first time with a team member, what do we do?
We go to them.
In practical terms, if people feel more comfortable meeting in their office we go there. If meeting in an employee break-room is what they prefer, we go there. If an outside venue is appropriate, then maybe the local coffee shop is where we go.
Even today, many leaders think as I once did. Colleagues should come to our offices. We always have a good reason. For instance, we may have back-to-back meetings or we just don’t have time to walk a few minutes to meet them.
It May be true, however, the message we send may make our team members and partners feel less valued. For some, always coming to meet us can be a real stumbling block in the relationship. If we want people to follow us because they want to, how we choose to engage cannot be trivialized.
We remember leading others is not about us. Simple to understand, yes. Hard to practice.
Gallup research shows that while people join companies, they leave managers and supervisors. Engaging Employees to Impact Performance
It takes real emotional energy and purpose to do this well. I’m still learning. We also accept the reality that others may not reciprocate. As leaders, we must have the courage to accept the risk.
How does ineffective engagement feel?
In short, uncomfortable and awkward.
So, let me give you an example of what happens when people enter our lives the wrong way. It can occur when individuals with authority ask us personal questions when we aren’t ready or don’t want to respond.
Because they asked, we feel compelled to offer a response. Imagine what would happen if we didn’t? Has your manager ever made you feel uncomfortable by the questions they ask? Unintentional or not, it seems to happen to many people frequently.
We understand connecting with others is an art that managers navigate and is not easy. Most want to establish rapport with their employees. They haven’t quite found an authentic way of making personal connections. Sometimes they try too hard.
When we do feel compelled to talk it can make us feel unsettled. That sensation is an alarm telling us we have not been engaged in our terms.
People leaders have work to do. More empathy. Avoid making others feel uncomfortable. Take more time before getting too personal.
Some managers might wonder, shouldn’t they care about us too?
Possibly. Hopefully. We must accept that they may not. If we want to become more effective our focus must be on our people.
The practice of effective engagement simplified
For engagement that opens the door to connection, we must listen and respect our people. When we do this, especially in our early encounters, it may feel very one-sided. That’s ok.
Lead with curiosity and in the time you have together let them take you on a journey. Their journey. No expectations of where the conversation might go, just enjoy the ride. How would that feel if your manager did that with you?
Can we do this differently? Yes. We can. Right now, people need us more than ever.
Take action
We can engage others on their terms. We start by giving them the gift of our eyes, our ears, and our heart. We must really want to know about them and to do that we have to get to know them personally at whatever level they desire.
Some practical actions we can take right now offering a pathway to more effective engagement include:
- Respect their point of view
- Listen for their needs
- Understand what they like
- Observe what they are good at
- Activate their special talents
- Ask for their advice
What if we don’t?
You might be thinking, “You don’t understand, I don’t have time to do that with all my people, we got a lot of work to do.”
Most people can say the same and it would be true. There is a cost however to build a great organization we need to do it.
Train people well enough so they can leave, treat them well enough so they don’t want to. ~ Sir Richard Branson
Last thoughts
A leader looking to create a high-performing team engages people on their terms. As a manager, they know where they are and care for each one. To be truly effective, how we engage our people becomes the prerequisite in becoming a leader they will trust.
Shepherding is the art of becoming the leader others want to follow.