Shelter in the Storms of Life
Simply showing up makes all the difference on the hard days.
He said it had been a rough 24 hours. The heaviness of his heart could be felt in the words of his text. I reminded him that all I ever ask for is real. There are no expectations or demands for our time together. My joy comes simply from being present with him and today would be no exception.
A traffic-filled drive delays my arrival at the hotel. As it turns out, it was inconsequential as our room wasn’t ready anyway. I am anxious to see him, but decide to trust the timing of the universe in our connection this afternoon. The pouring rain reminds me that there really isn’t much I actually get to control anyways.
He arrives soaked from his run to the building from the car. As we settle into our conversation, his eyes capture me as they always do. Only this afternoon, there is a deep sadness that reveals the battering his heart has been through.
This is significant for a couple of reasons — first, he is masterful at his presentation of self. He has a charm, charisma, and smile that he can put on as easily as I put on lipstick. It has been well trained into him as a part of his career and if I was placing bets, his lived experiences. Part of the reason I recognize his expertise in this area is that I also am keenly proficient in that skill set. I guess it is a sort of “takes one to know one” thing.
The second thing that is significant is that he did not put his showman’s mask on for me. He showed up with his heart on his sleeve and no camouflage for the place he really was in at that moment. This realness means everything to me.
Once we are able to get in the room, we take a few minutes to settle in. There is so much that I want to share with him. My desire is to speak love and truth into his bruised heart. I long to meet him in that place of vulnerability that he has so courageously brought this afternoon. I take the risk and tell him my truth. We are both balancing and juggling many aspects of life, responsibilities, and commitments to others. That fact is a baked-in part of this thing we are building together.
The real truth is I am not going anywhere. I am fully committed to him and this amazing relationship that we are building together. This is not a test drive or free trial period for me anymore. I am all in. He holds my heart and I am completely his. My only exit will be if he asks me to leave. I am willing to do the work with him that comes with building something real. I want all of him and need him to know that my commitment is sincere. His heart is safe with me and I will treat it like the treasure it is. There is no shame and no fear between us.
As I shared my truth with him, the deep sadness slowly began to fade from his eyes. He embraces me with his body and his words as our hearts are unwrapped and laid bare with one another. As our time together progressed, intense and pleasurable play intersected these intimate conversations that ranged from tales of growing up to soul-level ponderings.
The incredible part of our connection is that though we both arrived battered by life in one way or the other, by pouring into one another we both left with overflowing hearts this morning. This is the true beauty of us.
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