She Is Not a Duck, Part 11
A Mother’s Journey into the world of Mental Health and Spectrum Disorder Challenges
She walks like a duck, talks like a duck, but she is not a duck.
Chapter 10 One Step Forward, Two Steps Back
My excitement at the prospect of sharing with Sarah’s school my discovery of the hidden treasure, “Lost At School” by Ross W. Greene Ph.D. was mixed with extraordinary nervousness.
Who am I to tell these educators what they can be, and should be, doing?
My trepidation was overshadowed, eventually, by the idea of a win-win for everyone.
In my mind:
the teachers will glean new tools to redirect so-called challenging students and minimize the distractions presented by those same kids.
the administration’s load will lighten with the potential lessening of disciplinary actions, suspensions, paperwork, and after-school hours. They will be lauded for their innovative proactive approach in handling behavioral issues.
parents will feel supported and teamwork will be solidified through this joint effort to help all children cope and navigate their lives with less angst.
I presented the book and my findings to the Guidance Counselor and Superintendent. In turn, they also gave a copy to Sarah’s teacher. The book was received with surprise and varying degrees of interest. By far, Sarah’s teacher, an angel quite frankly, dove in and not only grasped the concept but was willing to implement the strategies immediately.
And she did.
And they worked.
When Sarah was in her classroom, her behavior was markedly improved with the collaborative approach.
There’s always a catch.
The Reading Teacher was the only one of her several teachers who were interested in thinking outside the box. The lack of consistency weakened the ability to solidify collaborative success and behavioral changes.
What was apparent to everyone in the school, though, was that Sarah was a genuinely sweet girl, who tried to please authority, was quite smart, and yet, made really bizarre social decisions.
Decisions that defied common sense.
The PDD, Pervasive Developmental Disorder, or Delay, ruled her actions.
Sarah had her eye on a popular girl that she desperately wanted to be. If that was impossible, she, at the very least, wanted to be her best friend.
This child-like naivete made her quite an easy target for manipulation. She reeked of innocence of mind with an exterior that portrayed toughness.
I was busy trying to convince school authorities that, together, we can train all teachers to recognize these challenged kids and give them tools to help them, and themselves, in this structured school setting. My passion was undeniable.
“Ross W. Greene, Ph.D. conducts seminars! We can have him present his studies, findings, and proven techniques to the staff in our auditorium. It can become a required mini-course for the teachers. Can you imagine the benefits to all kids, not just Sarah?”
The Reading teacher and the Guidance Counselor were on board. The Superintendent would ‘take the request into consideration.’
My daughter was truly trying to toe the line. But, the pull of the popular girl was strong.
Somehow, somewhere, in some secret promise to be friends forever, this girl convinced my daughter to take action that would get them out of school early. In fact, the entire school would get a break from learning.
Of course, I got the phone call.
“You’ll need to come immediately. The police are here with your daughter and the Superintendent. We are required by law to report her actions. She will be suspended for no less than 10 days and is facing expulsion from the school. There may be criminal charges.”
Emotional delays felt insurmountable.
Little Miss Popular had promised to be best friends forever with Sarah if she proved her loyalty by pulling the fire alarm. She actually gave her a choice. Sarah could spray paint the school OR pull the alarm.
In Sarah’s reasoning, she didn’t have any spray paint so her choice was obvious.
And, so pull the alarm, she did.
No matter the numerous hours of counseling, behavioral modification, parental reminders about carrying the choice of “No” with her at all times, it was off the table at that moment.
The school had been forced to evacuate to investigate the source of the alarm. Fire trucks arrived. Police arrived. And I had to answer for her actions.
We were sitting in the quiet of the Principal's office when I asked, “Do you know how wrong it is to pull the fire alarm?”
Head down, she whispered, “Yes.”
“Why? Why would you do it?”
She raised her head and looked at me wide-eyed and said, “Mom, she promised to be my best friend. She is my best friend, now.”
We were told of stronger mental health supports and specialized schooling for challenged kids. They were predominantly located in the south.
Maybe we need to move our family of five 1000 miles away to find a way to accommodate and assist our daughter.
Florida it was.
- Thank you for joining in part 11 of my series. We will travel through the hallways of the psychiatric world, the school system, and our family dynamics. I look forward to sharing more and hope you will see that none of us are alone.
Click here for Part 12 to continue reading.
- Please access the link below if you need to start with the Introduction to the series and many thanks. Each subsequent Part will also be linked at the bottom of the story, upon publication, for continuity and convenience.