Shake It Off
A Familial Tremor is a neurological disorder that causes involuntary and rhythmic shaking, usually in the hands. For me, the tremor is exacerbated by trying to do something that requires extreme control, like applying mascara without getting it all over your face or stabbing yourself directly in your actual eye, for example. It’s hereditary, so I’m not alone. My brother and I will be shaking our way through old age together. Perhaps when it gets really bad we’ll form a mariachi band and hit the road.
The first time my familial tremor caused me any issues was in 1990. I was studying theatre at university, majoring in performance. Whenever I was given a script for an in-class reading or my character was required to hold a piece of paper, my tremor made it seem as though I was nervous. I wasn’t. It was a constant note from my professor, who suffered from an inability to comprehend the reality that no amount of the nonsensical gibberish that he passed off as coaching was going to be able to cure my neurological disorder. To be fair, he had a bit of a God complex so his unreasonable demands weren’t particular to me.
Over the years the tremor has been remarked upon, not often, but from time to time. Usually sort of indirectly and by people wondering whether I had something serious wrong with me like Parkinsons…or the DTs.
When I was a kid the game “Operation” was really popular, it was before you could watch actual operations on cable so we didn’t know how inaccurate the whole thing was. I mean…why would you remove someone’s funny bone? That’s not going to help anyone. Regardless of its questionable anatomical lessons, my cousins and I played the game endlessly; in my entire life I have never once removed a piece from that guy without setting off the frikken buzzer.
As a teenager experimenting with blush and curling irons among my friends, no one ever wanted me to be the one to crimp their bangs or do their makeup. To this day, I’ve never been able to master calligraphy or thread a needle. I’m bad at Jenga. I knew from a very early age I’d never be a bomb technician, photographer or brain surgeon.
In recent years my unintentional and unemotional quaking was brought up by someone I reported to for a project. She let me know that another individual had commented on the tremor and that their take-away had been that I was uncomfortable or exceedingly nervous. I explained that I have a nervous system disorder and that I’d been vibrating like a nervous ferret on espresso since I was a teenager, but the impression my tremor left caused a mischaracterization of me and the situation in question.
Essential or Familial Tremor is a benign condition. I’m certainly not whining (too enthusiastically) about it causing people to form incorrect opinions of me — I realize there are many people who live with conditions that are far worse in every capacity. In fact, I have other neurological issues that are completely invisible that really do impact my quality of life. This inherited tremor causes no major health impact and I’ve come to terms with the idea that I will never have perfectly applied lip-liner. Still, it can be frustrating. Especially when someone hands you a drink that’s filled perilously close to the edge.
So the next time you’re interrogating a suspect or interviewing someone for a job, don’t immediately assume they’re shaking because they have a body in their trunk. But to be on the safe side, you also shouldn’t assume they don’t.