Shadows and Light in Gay San Francisco: “Golden Gate Dreams”

Reviewing Alex Stewart’s gay memoir

I finished reading Alex Stewart’s Golden Gate Dreams: A gay memoir of San Francisco a few days ago. I rarely write book reviews, but for this one I felt compelled.

It follows the journey of a boy who grew up in Australia during the sixties and seventies. He was becoming increasingly aware of his sexuality and experienced all the self-torture that came with suppressing that.

Stewart’s journey takes him via Central America and Colorado to San Francisco, where he was to find himself and come out of the closet.

The first half bounces back and forth between Australia and San Francisco, a structure that adds to the pace and tension. It flips between the deep angst of being a closeted boy and young adult, to those early experiences of discovering one’s sexuality.

I don’t think I picked it up when I first read it, but this really did reflect the polarity I felt within myself in my own journey — both wanting to be out, but desperately wanting to keep it a secret.

Shame is the backstory of many gay men’s lives. And honesty is the only way to combat that shame. Stewart possesses an unparalleled honesty and vulnerability in his writing which is the very heart of this book.

Ultimately, Golden Gate Dreams is a love letter to San Francisco and the people who lived there in the 1970s and 80s.

He takes the reader behind the scenes of both the straight working work and the exploding gay club scene. It is filled with sex, drugs, and rock ’n’ roll, but also with friendship, self-examination, and a desire to change the world.

The story of the AIDS crisis of the 1980s was filled with devastation, loss, and tremendous love. Stewart was part of one of the first groups to provide support to AIDS patients. He personally lost countless friends and came face to face with his own mortality.

I am of a different generation to Stewart. I didn’t grow up in the 70s and frankly don’t care much for modern-day San Francisco. But I so appreciated reading about this significant chapter of history, which he paints with more detail than most of what I’ve read or seen in movies.

One of the gifts queer writing offers the world is the opportunity to truthfully explore our collective shadows. So much of Western culture, especially epitomised by Hollywood, is obsessed with painting stories with bright colours and happy endings.

But life is rarely like that. Stewart is a noble and capable guide for taking the reader into the shadow of gay culture at that time, and allowing one to look at it with love, compassion, and humour. For once you can see the shadow, the light is more magnificent.

As I read it, I challenged how comfortable I am with my own story. I keep so much of my story to myself, and I’d be afraid for my family to know much of what goes on in my mind, heart, and even bedroom.

Perhaps this level of honesty comes with age and that I, too, will eventually get there. Honesty is what makes this book such a treasure, and I wholeheartedly recommend it to anyone who wants to know more about this chapter in queer history.

Alex Stewart has also written two works of fiction, including the first instalment of a gay vampire series titled Rise of the Gay Vampires.