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Abstract

period of time directly after the recession when everyone is suddenly taking financial advice from recent MSF graduate, Snoop Dog.3. Both. Long term bond returns fall below the returns for short term bonds meaning investors are willing to bet on a short term economy and not a long one, signaling a recession is imminent. Also a position named after a person with a rare, but non-fatal medical condition that you find kinky.4. Both. It’s your nickname for a reverse mortgage which your financial advisor loves.5. Recession.6. Both. The buying power of the dollar is decreasing causing the Federal Reserve to raise interest rates which makes borrowing more expensive and the sexual position involves a lot of balloons.7. Both. Pulling out is safer in both cases, but still not as good as the preventive care you could have taken.8. Recession. NBA legend Larry Bird is popping into your inbox advising you to invest heavily in equities and sell your bonds to him. Don’t listen. It’s a trap.9. Both. When everyone in your neighborhood is loading up on spoons for an inevitable spoon shortage, a recession is coming. Your investment in forks was a mistake, both fiscally and for fornication.10. Neither. This is when retired professional wrestler, The Undertaker, appears at your house and does this to you for being so poor with your finances. You deserve it.11. Sexual Position. Don’t look into it.12. Sexual Position. Don’t look into it.13. Sexual position involving you, your partner, and your financial advisor Carl.14.

Options

Sexual position involving you, your partner, your financial advisor Carl, and his nervous friend Bruce. Bruce just saw an inverted yield curve and is worried.15. Neither, it’s what you call investment bankers when they’re bonding at happy hour.16. Both. You fired Carl for listening to Bruce. Your new financial advisor, Lingus, is suddenly too sly for his own good after his essay about rekindling his sexual relationship with his wife was published in The New York Times to much fanfare. He’s too confident and telling you to invest heavily into penny stocks.17. Both. Your new, more stable financial advisor, Anil recommends doing this with your partner after he notices how emotionally open to discussing problems you’re having in the bedroom. Plus he was improbably conceived from this position. Hence the name!18. Sexual Position that involves some leather, a beard, and a very specific kind of farmer’s market as your backdrop. You will need your parents to sign you in since the minimum age for entry is 45.19. Sexual position. Warren Buffet is a fan. Don’t bring up finances when you meet him. He’s not there for that and though the maximum age for entry is 58, Buffet sneaked his way in using a Bill Gates mask.20. Neither. It’s a tasty, slightly expensive pastry and you have to wait on line, but it’s worth ordering.21. Neither, that’s a wrestling move.22. Both. It’s recession time. The stocks have all crashed. Your relationship has crashed from attending the middle aged bear market too many times and not knowing enough sex positions. Time to cash out.</article></body>

Sexual Position Or Imminent Warning Sign Of An Economic Recession?

We all need to understand when it’s best to panic, pull out, or hold.

Test your knowledge by marking each of these as a sexual position, or an imminent warning sign of an economic recession:

1. Missionary

2. Doggy Style

3. The Inverted Yield Curve

4. Reverse Cowgirl

5. Decline In Commercial And Industrial Loans At Commercial Banks

6. Rapidly Increasing Inflation

7. Pulling Out

8. The Bird Trap

9. Spooning

10. The Piledriver

11. The Rusty Bike Pump

12. Sixty Nine

13. Threesome

14. Foursome

15. Circle Jerk

16. Cunning Lingus

17. Anil Lingus

18. A Middle-Aged Bear Market

19. Warren Buffet At The Middle-Aged Bear Market

20. The Cronut

21. The Stone Cold Stunner

22. The Crash

Answers:

1. Sexual Position.

2. Sexual position, but also the expected period of time directly after the recession when everyone is suddenly taking financial advice from recent MSF graduate, Snoop Dog.

3. Both. Long term bond returns fall below the returns for short term bonds meaning investors are willing to bet on a short term economy and not a long one, signaling a recession is imminent. Also a position named after a person with a rare, but non-fatal medical condition that you find kinky.

4. Both. It’s your nickname for a reverse mortgage which your financial advisor loves.

5. Recession.

6. Both. The buying power of the dollar is decreasing causing the Federal Reserve to raise interest rates which makes borrowing more expensive and the sexual position involves a lot of balloons.

7. Both. Pulling out is safer in both cases, but still not as good as the preventive care you could have taken.

8. Recession. NBA legend Larry Bird is popping into your inbox advising you to invest heavily in equities and sell your bonds to him. Don’t listen. It’s a trap.

9. Both. When everyone in your neighborhood is loading up on spoons for an inevitable spoon shortage, a recession is coming. Your investment in forks was a mistake, both fiscally and for fornication.

10. Neither. This is when retired professional wrestler, The Undertaker, appears at your house and does this to you for being so poor with your finances. You deserve it.

11. Sexual Position. Don’t look into it.

12. Sexual Position. Don’t look into it.

13. Sexual position involving you, your partner, and your financial advisor Carl.

14. Sexual position involving you, your partner, your financial advisor Carl, and his nervous friend Bruce. Bruce just saw an inverted yield curve and is worried.

15. Neither, it’s what you call investment bankers when they’re bonding at happy hour.

16. Both. You fired Carl for listening to Bruce. Your new financial advisor, Lingus, is suddenly too sly for his own good after his essay about rekindling his sexual relationship with his wife was published in The New York Times to much fanfare. He’s too confident and telling you to invest heavily into penny stocks.

17. Both. Your new, more stable financial advisor, Anil recommends doing this with your partner after he notices how emotionally open to discussing problems you’re having in the bedroom. Plus he was improbably conceived from this position. Hence the name!

18. Sexual Position that involves some leather, a beard, and a very specific kind of farmer’s market as your backdrop. You will need your parents to sign you in since the minimum age for entry is 45.

19. Sexual position. Warren Buffet is a fan. Don’t bring up finances when you meet him. He’s not there for that and though the maximum age for entry is 58, Buffet sneaked his way in using a Bill Gates mask.

20. Neither. It’s a tasty, slightly expensive pastry and you have to wait on line, but it’s worth ordering.

21. Neither, that’s a wrestling move.

22. Both. It’s recession time. The stocks have all crashed. Your relationship has crashed from attending the middle aged bear market too many times and not knowing enough sex positions. Time to cash out.