Sexual Options That I’ve Learned to Enjoy as Much as Vaginal Sex
I used to think that there was only one ultimate way to achieve satisfaction, but I’ve found other avenues
Kissing was always the beginning of the dance and the prelude to the ultimate prize, I always thought. Tongues dancing and wrapping around each other in a rhythmic pulsating grind would incite exploring hands, undressing and then the real reason for making love: fucking.
Isn’t that what everybody aims for?
When my wife dressed in lingerie or I was going to meet a lover, there was really one reason and that was to get laid. Yet, my appetite and desire changed due to my wife’s physical needs while introducing me to a world that I hadn’t completely experienced.
Enjoying sex was a release of tension for me as it is for many but my wife liked to have sex about once every few weeks to once a month as our marriage progressed. She said it gave her something to look forward to. I disagreed and tried talking to her that I wanted to go back to once a week or once every two weeks when we’d enjoy periods of foreplay and sexual intercourse, or anal sex which she enjoyed.
Part of the reason she wanted only once every few weeks or once a month included a physical reason. Vaginal sex was often never easy for her because her vaginal muscles could involuntarily contract, a condition known as vaginismus.
She’s not alone.
Vaginal intercourse can be painful for up to 30% of women in the United States and nearly 8% of women in Great Britain, as noted in this article on Healthline, This is How Sex Toys can Fix Painful Sex. There are ways to handle vaginismus and another condition that often causes pain, endometriosis.
During our time together, I had to move slowly to arouse her and use a lot of emotional coaxing. We didn’t talk about it much and I didn’t press her on the issue. We went almost a full year once without having vaginal sex and no more than a half dozen times in a year after that.
She deserves credit because she wanted to remedy the problem as much as possible, and ordered a set of five dilators that came in different lengths and diameters and textures of surface.
The main shaft was hard plastic and with stimulation could fit easily inside her. It gave her confidence and control. The base has a battery-operated vibrating unit and one of the parts that slide over the shaft is bumpy yet soft. The total cost was less than $60.
We’d have the dilators nearby and during our foreplay, I’d take one, lube it and use it over her clitoris. I’d position behind her, so my cock was rubbing against her ass and with one hand direct the dilator around her clitoris and slowly, slowly go inside. My other arm would be wrapped around her waist and I’d use that to place two fingers alongside the clitoris.
As her arousal reached a pitch, she’d press her ass back against me and the sensation was as pleasing as having vaginal intercourse. I’d make the same movements as though fucking her, while being able to kiss her ear, mouth and neck and play with her breasts.
Our sexual play usually moves from playful bondage and spankings to lots of kissing and my giving her oral sex. I’m often the one on top, spreading my legs while I lick and kiss her thighs and teasing her clitoris.
Giving head isn’t an activity she enjoys often so she usually grips my cock and strokes or plays with me while I kiss between her legs. This will continue on and I’ve found an unusual thrill because even though I’m not going to get to fuck her hard, she’s going to get off and then so will I.
Once she orgasms, she turns onto her stomach and I climb on top of her butt. I’ve learned to love this sensation, too. I’ll make sure she’s well lubed and then I’ll slide up and down her bottom, dry humping. I can press against her, kissing her nicely, or support myself with my arms and thrusting my pelvis.
Mounting her from the back isn’t automatic. Sometimes when I’m spread over her, she’ll stroke my cock and play with my ass by either inserting her fingers or a butt plug. It’s pressure that drives me wild and I practically beg to orgasm.
A variation we found recently was when she was sitting in a chair and I had been kneeling in front of her, licking her to orgasm and then when I stood, she took hold of my cock and I pressed up against her chest and breasts while she gripped me.
She worked my erection while I thrust up against her in a standing position. It gave me a different visual view of her and yet I found it quite appealing. This is particularly good for a man who’s taking on a bit more of a submissive role and it’s a great way to tease, yet allowing for release.
Oral sex is pleasing, too, but I’ve found that through a previous lover since my wife isn’t someone who enjoys giving head. The sensation makes her feel like she’s going to choke and isn’t pleasant at all.
When I was seeing Ana, I almost preferred oral sex because it felt less of a total experience while being highly pleasurable. She could go down on me slowly, vary the pace quite well and then she enjoyed my having an orgasm in her mouth.
More options to vaginal intercourse can include rubbing the man’s cock with clothes like panties and other soft fabrics. Just make sure the glide is easy and it’s nice to go slow while making kissing and touching a major part of the event.
Tying a man’s cock with rope can be a highly erotic experience, and then bringing him to orgasm while tugging on the rope and stroking his cock can be mind blowing.
Mutual masturbation was an activity she especially enjoyed early in our relationship. Sometimes we still do it. We sit side by side, begin kissing and she’ll start to stroke me while I use my two fingers on either side of her clitoris applying pressure in a sensitive manner, increasing the speed and then slowing down, but maintaining pressure. It’s a wonderful skill to refine and clues me into my wife’s body and receptivity.
Not having vaginal sex for physical or emotional reasons can be a setback as a couple, but I’ve learned to adapt as needed. She knows my desires and I’m sensitive to hers. It’s not a topic that’s easy for us to discuss and yet we’ve found ways to work together for our mutual pleasure.