Learning the Art of Oral Sex

Sexual Near-Death Experiences

I can’t breathe!

When I was born, my father and his sisters were all at the small country hospital to welcome me into my new world. There they stood, staring into the nursery as I was brought in. My father's eyes sparkled at the sight of his new son.

The nurse unwrapped me from the delivery room blanket and began to put on my diaper. Lying naked for all the world to see, my dad nudged his sister and said, “Look! There is the Feilen legacy. He’s just a newborn and already he is hung like a three-year-old.”

The problem with the Feilen Legacy is the darn thing doesn’t get much bigger from then on. Apparently, I would need to be more creative with my wee Willie Wonka, especially if I wanted to please someone other than myself.

What could I do to impress the ladies since I wasn’t built like a basketball player, so to speak? Luckily for me, I was rescued when I found out about oral sex.

It became a lifesaver for me when impressing the babes. Although, the initial lesson almost killed me and was to be my first Sexual Near-Death Experience.

My girlfriend, at the time, said she thought I could improve on my in-the-bed techniques, especially the oral side of the equation. She offered to give me a little help regarding this crucial lovemaking skill. Hastily we went into the bedroom.

Lying naked on the bed, her ankles all at once flew into two different time zones. She then, with a very seductive voice, told me to get between her legs. I did, and she asked me to move up a little closer.

Once close enough, she grabbed the back of my head and lifted it up so she could look me square in the eye. She said, “Don’t worry I will guide you through everything, just follow my instructions. She was a wonderful instructor!

All at once my head was buried in her love flower, as she liked to call it. I could tell if I was following her instructions correctly or incorrectly simply by the pitch in her voice. The high notes were bad signals. The lower tones were usually a good sign. I knew I was on the right track when I would hear her moan, “Ooh!” or “Oh Yeah Baby!”

Then all at once, everything came to a climax and like a mouse trap, her legs snapped around my head. I started slapping the bed, trying to get my poor little noggin from between the vice grip she had me in.

“MMMmm-MMmm” I mumbled. What? She said while trying to catch her breath. “I can’t breathe!” I screamed out. For a moment I thought I was going to die in her bed and was totally unsatisfied.

“Not to worry,” she said while caressing my face.

“I would never hurt my Pookie-Wookie, you’re a true prodigy”, she said. I’m pretty sure she was just being nice.

I am now a senior citizen and have been married for 35 years. During all this time, my lovely wife still likes to use my head like a Thigh-Master. No complaints! All I have to do is be prepared for the explosive moment when her legs come screaming toward one another.

The bigger worry I have at 67 is the old ticker. If I try to be the young stud, I once bragged about being, I could die from a massive coronary infarction. The first time I attempted to give it the old college try after turning 60, I thought for sure I was going to kick the bucket.

This was my second Sexual Near-Death Experience and scarier than the first. I was unable to catch my breath and my mini-me shrunk to a size not conducive to a good showing.

I was now aware that my sexual drive had to be tamed down somewhat or I could die. The important issue was knowing my wife still considered me to be the same steaming hunk-of-junk she married so many years ago.

Nowadays, we still both enjoy our senior sex hour once a week. At this stage of life, once a week is plenty, and once a week may even be an exaggeration. Still, she makes my back leg thump on a regular basis.

I am still her little Thigh-Master after all these years, and it has been a privilege. In fact, I wouldn’t have it any other way.

To this day, if you listen closely at our bedroom door, you can sometimes hear me mumbling, “I can’t breathe! I can’t breathe!” also known as our safe word.

So, for all of you sexually active seniors out there, be careful when trying to impress your honey. Because even though it is only a near-death experience — it’s close enough for me.

Peace, Love, and Unconditional Happiness!