Millennials get a lot of flak for killing various industries and such. And rightfully so! Those gosh-darn Millennials are destroying the foundations of the society that the Baby Boomers, the Silent Generation, and the Greatest Generation built for them. So, because writing listicles on the latest things that Millennials are killing gets a lot of clicks, here are X old traditions that Millennials are killing now.
Ringing the Doorbell
These days, Millennials just text “here” to the person that they are picking up as opposed to walking up to the door and ringing the doorbell like civilized humans! How are doting fathers supposed to threaten potential suitors for their daughters by cleaning guns while wearing nothing but stained tighty-whities if the suitors never make it in the house? Those young men will have no idea the level of masculine violence they will experience if they should lay a finger on your daughter!
Dates
In the old days, you took your dates to the movies or to a diner. Now, it’s just Netflix and chill! Sometimes, “chill” even implies sexual activity before marriage! How is a young man supposed to demonstrate his worthiness as a partner if he’s not spending any money or getting dressed up?
Sexism
Back when America was Great™, you could playfully smack the secretary on the rump and she’d think it was charming. If you do that now, you get dragged into HR to be lectured about “sexual harassment against the Chief Financial Officer” and made to do a training! How will women know their place if we can’t demean them anymore? And why are so many of them doing things other than being a secretary or housewife? All men were created equal, not women!
Bigotry
Speaking of knowing their place, why can’t we make racist comments anymore? First, they freed the slaves. Then, they did the whole civil rights thing. Now, cops can’t even shoot unarmed black men without people rioting in the streets! And don’t even think of extrajudicial killings. Back in the day, you could find your local KKK chapter in the phone book. Now, you have to go to places like 8chan to complain about black people!
Homophobia
Have you ever been hit on by a man? It’s disgusting! But these days, you and your buddies aren’t allowed to beat the tar out of him because that’s a “hate crime.” Millennials seem to think the whole gay thing is okay to do in schools and other public places, and even some of their churches think it’s okay! It’s Adam and Eve, not Adam and Some Other Guy!
Religion
Millennials don’t even go to church as much anymore! They say that all the sexism, bigotry, and homophobia (that they’re also killing) that comes from many churches is “inappropriate.” I bet none of them have even read the Bible! Then they’d know that things like homosexuality and sex before marriage are sins, and things like slavery, rape, and killing all the nonbeliving firstborns are what God is really about.
America
This leads me to my final point. Millennials look at America and see that it’s built upon a foundation of sexism, bigotry, homophobia, and God-fearing citizens, and they seem to think that’s a bad thing! How else are we supposed to become the Greatest Country in the World™ if we don’t suppress women, minorities, and homos? Why, if it weren’t for all of those things, we’d be a backwater, peace-loving hippie nation full of free love and marijuana, and who wants that?
Conclusion
In conclusion, Millennials are objectively the worst. Here’s hoping that Gen Z does better. If they don’t, we’ll have to yank their trust funds.
