Have Gun — Will Travel

Serenity Notched Three Kills Last Summer! We Couldn’t Be Prouder!

The new student mercenaries

Kip Fowler, bronzed and eight-packed, gazed languidly at the rolling surf. It was hard to tell what he was thinking behind his mirrored Maui Jims.

Fowler was flying solo. I asked why he was the only lifeguard working.

“Last summer, we had a waiting list. Every teen dreamed of sitting up here looking jacked and bored and idly twirling a lanyard. This summer, we’re lucky to get a few retired dad bods from the Rotary club. Everyone else? Mercenaries.”

When Fowler and I spoke last July, he had just said goodbye to his girlfriend, Serenity Meredith, one of thousands of student mercenaries headed offshore for the summer.

Serenity landed a summer gig with a black ops unit of the National Intelligence Service, South Korea’s version of the CIA. A week after finishing her sophomore year at Clemson, Meredith reported to Seoul for training.

Three weeks after my conversation with Fowler, I visited Boomer and Jolene Meredith at their spacious Tudor home in upscale Hilton Head. Relaxing in their carefully manicured yard, the Merediths told me Serenity’s story. We started with the job hunt.

Jolene sipped her Arnold Palmer, looking thoughtful.

“Boomer’s been training the kids since they were toddlers. If we weren’t driving to soccer or baseball, we’d do family outings at the gun shows or be down at the range shooting skeet. For her job applications, Boomer took a video of Serenity packing her Glock G43X and stalking a peeping Tom. Her CV was solid, but mercenary? In our dreams.”

She took another sip and giggled.

“When Serenity showed us the offer letter, we were floored. I mean, it was in Korean!”

I asked Boomer what they’d heard from Serenity.

“She spent a week in Seoul, then flew off to crush some kind of coup d’etat. Said she had three confirmed kills, but most of the letter was censored. We don’t know if she meant paintball, Fortnite, or armed guerillas. But I’ll tell you what. We’ve never been prouder of our little girl!”

Boomer teared up and excused himself.

“Don’t mind Boomer,” Jolene reassured me.

“He may be 6'5” and 260, but he’s a big teddy bear. Mostly. But if you ever spot him in camos toting his M202A1, you better run like hell.”

She belly laughed, called after me, offering to refill my Arnold Palmer. I was sprinting to my car, urgently needing to find somewhere to recharge my laptop.

Serenity’s mercenary gig was so successful that she decided to continue on in Korea for the Fall semester, the first Clemson student to do a foreign exchange program in Applied Hoplology.

Serenity Meredith’s experience is not unique. This past summer, thousands of American students traveled abroad as short-term mercenaries. Compared to kids who work cutting lumber, selling hoodies, or even writing software, these soldiers of fortune are all making a fortune, paying off loans, and helping parents with tuition.

As with other trends in a polarized America, political affiliation heavily influences who becomes a mercenary.

Even more striking? The correlation between political affiliation and confirmed kills.

To understand what’s driving these trends, I spoke with Congressman Thomas Massie (R-Ky.). Massie, wife Rhonda, and their six kids all vigorously exercise Second Amendment rights.

I ask Massie about rifles and family.

“Been teaching the kids riflery since they could pull a trigger. Shooting’s a family value along with God and Country. Our ancestors depended on it. Today? Most kids don’t know their FN SCAR-L from their AK-103. It’s deeply disturbing.”

Massie pauses, plucks his SIG Sauer M17 off the credenza, continues.

“Weekends, my kids were on the shooting range til dusk while their friends were learning cello or taking chess lessons. Don’t get me wrong, their friends are good kids. But drop ’em on a field of battle? They’d bleed out in four seconds. My kids enfilade, defilade — all of ’em sharpshooters, and my oldest is a crack sniper.”

He pauses, fingers the Sauer.

“Couple of kids decided last month to pick on our littlest. Name-calling and whatnot. She came home upset. So I said ‘Sweetheart, remember what Teddy Roosevelt said?’ She gets all solemn. ‘Speak softly and carry a big stick.’ I gave her the HK416 and told her to march around outside for an hour. Helluva big stick. So cute! Now those kids argue about who gets to feed her their Twinkies at snack time.”

I ask Massie what triggered the surge in student mercenaries, and why it leans so heavily Republican.

“Fifty years ago in Kentucky, all you needed was a pickaxe and a union card. Not now. Too much socialism made us weak. That’s on the Democrats. Kids these days need a marketable skill. Well I made darn sure my kids have one.

Massie’s voice rises, takes on an edge.

Those blue states have software. We have slag heaps. My kids aren’t going to wind up shipping Chinese smartphones for Bezos. They’re going to make top dollar picking off Communist insurgents. And next time anyone tries to steal an election, well, I guess that’s probably not going to happen again, now is it?”

Massie twirls the Sauer. Pops open the door.

“Everyone! Got a journalist wants to know about student mercenaries, so come on in. Let’s lay out our ordnance, help him get his facts straight. Bring whatever you’re packing.

Rhonda, can you grab my HK416? Not sure the Sauer carries enough juice to make my point.