
Self Thoughts
Money doesn’t change people
I’ve always wondered if money changes people. Recently I’ve noticed it doesn’t, I have changed. I have become more and more closed off from people as I have grown. If I were to become rich tomorrow, I would remain as today just as closed off as I am with off-course a little bit of a better living and community. I’m still going to generally be nice that’s who I am but I won’t Ever let anyone close again.
Some people are surrounded by actual love but I have grew up surrounded by the opposite. Everyone around me just lives of hate, envy, revenge, and greed. I am not like that at all, recently I have become more selfish though, because as I sat alone in my room, I noticed I have no one. It didn’t bother me at all and it never has. I’ve been a lonely duckling all my life because of my life events.
The part the hit me the hardest out of all my tragedies, has been that the ones I love. As I am a closed off person and I don’t tell anyone much. My friends and family got mad at me for not asking for help, but I generally don’t like asking for help unless is my last resort. It wasn’t my last resort but I was asked by a friend to let go. I finally decided to change, ask for help, and all. My situation became from something that could be fixed to something that requires a true miracle of god. All because of that one friend and because I listened.
When things became to much after I took a big leap and used large enough amount of money that I could have used to get my life together. It became to much for my friend so I came back home. As you already know if you read my post, darkest time ever. I had to give my son over to his dad. What surprised me more, my family and friends who I helped the most feel like my situation is too much for them. I feel sad mostly because I have so much especially for my family, some friends too but at the end. I am alone, everyone always has been around for my glory but no one is here for my downfall.
Now I know not all people are like this but I’ve have so many deep scars from people who have actually harmed me. Off-course the state of NYC is to blame for me not having a job and myself because of my choice of not being vaccinated. I really have never trusted the government, because their rules are do as they say or you can’t eat. I think that’s cruel, the people that have done terrible things to me still weren’t family, and didn’t expect anything from them so the hurt went away with time.
Family though, people I’ve sacrificed for because I cared for them. That’s different it hurts different and is unbearable. I don’t want to feel these feelings no more. Sad part is I actually tried to forgive them but as recently I’ve noticed. They will never change, I can’t forced them to change or see me, but if I want to be alive in the next couple of months, I gotta cut them off too.
So now I see a lot, the other day I was dreaming I became rich. When I got up, I thought to myself, if I were to become rich, I’m still a good soul, I will help everyone that has helped me with money only. I’m not a vengeful person, my heart is kind and that’s what has gotten me to were I am. I don’t need no one to know that, I know that and that’s enough. Then I also thought 💭🧐💭 If I were to become rich people would lie and say I’ve changed for the money. Offcourse because everyone would want everything I got. Then I thought about ordinary rich people, who came from being poor. I thought to myself they probably did help people who turned their back on them on their darkest time. Then those same people turn around and say they changed.
I reflected and thought money doesn’t change people, hurt, circumstances and people, change people. They have all right to protect their heart and peace. The fact that I’m closed off doesn’t really matter to anyone because I’m broke and I have a low survival rate right now. But if I were to becomes rich tomorrow all of the sudden, I would be selfish and changed even though I am already this way. With that story, I say loved your loved ones no matter how bad things are and help one another. The most great families I’ve seen will never turn their backs on their loved ones. Pain changes people and even though we move on the scars the pain remains. Love you all, hope you enjoyed my overactive mind.