Self-Sabotaging & How To Decrease It

8 Tips to implement against self-sabotaging oneself

It’s no secret that many of us are our own worst enemies or allies. In some cases, we sabotage ourselves in relationships, careers, finances, and more. This is because the brain likes to take shortcuts — it wants to save mental energy so it can focus on other things like survival instincts. But this self-sabotaging behavior often leads to adverse outcomes, which ironically stresses out the brain even more.

There are many reasons why people self-sabotage themselves. It could be because they’re afraid of success, or it could be because they don’t believe in themselves enough to try. Whatever the reason may be, it’s crucial to know how you can stop your brain from sabotaging you so that you can achieve what you want out of life.

Procrastination is, hands down, our favorite form of self-sabotage. - Alyce Cornyn-Selby

Part I: The Meaning

Understand what self-sabotaging behavior is.

• Avoidance of failure or rejection.
• Focusing on the negative aspects of a circumstance or situation rather than seeing it for what it is.
• Comparing oneself to others (e.g., “I’ll never be as successful/good looking/smart,” etc.)
• Seeking out for information that favors one’s own insecurities and self-doubts, even if they are not valid.

Many people turn to these behaviors because they feel like their lives will improve by doing so. But you won’t know until you try! Once you understand why your brain might be sabotaging you, make an effort to stop yourself from thinking this way. Remind yourself that everyone feels nervous before making big decisions, but it doesn’t hurt to give things a shot.

Part II: The Process

1. Identify the root cause of your self-sabotaging behavior.

What’s making you feel insecure about yourself? Is it the fear of failure, rejection, or success? When do you find yourself comparing yourself to others and wishing that things were different in your life?

Once you identify why exactly is causing your brain to tell itself these negative thoughts, make a conscious effort not to think this way. Get rid of all those toxic people who are always trying to bring down your confidence level by putting themselves above everyone else instead. You can’t change anyone, but yourself so focus on making yourself a better person.

2. Create a plan for changing or stopping your self-sabotaging behaviors

It’s one thing to understand why your brain is sabotaging you, but it’s another thing to actually stop yourself from thinking this way. Some questions you might want to ask yourself include: What am I going to do instead? How can I avoid falling back into old behaviors?

One of the best ways of stopping self-sabotage behavior is by having a plan ahead of time for what you’ll say or do if these thoughts start coming up again. This will give your mind more incentive not to think in this manner because it knows that there are consequences involved.

For example, if one of my self-sabotaging habits was procrastinating on work projects until the last minute, I would make sure to have a to-do list to stay on top of things. This way, my brain knows that if it starts telling me, “Oh, you don’t need to work now,” then I will say to myself the opposite — rather than finding ways around doing what needs to be done because there’s always tomorrow.

3. Work on recognizing and preventing triggers that lead to self-sabotage

When you understand why your brain is self-sabotaging, it’s time to recognize the triggers that lead up to this behavior. Are there certain times of the day or situations where you find yourself thinking negatively?

For instance, suppose one of my primary triggers was looking at social media before bed because I would compare myself with everyone else who had seemingly perfect lives. In that case, I might make sure not to do this anymore by disabling my WiFi for a couple of hours before going to sleep so that I can wind down and relax instead of scrolling through Instagram mindlessly until all hours of the night.

The key here is being able to recognize these patterns as they happen so that we can prevent them from happening again. If our brains are so good at self-sabotage, then why can’t we use them to our advantage?

4. Learn how to overcome challenges and setbacks in a constructive way, instead of giving up when things get hard

No one is perfect, and regardless of how much you try to change or stop your self-sabotage habits, they might come up again. Don’t let this discourage you from wishing and wanting to make changes. It’s perfectly normal for things not to work out the way we want them at first, so don’t criticize yourself if it happens.

When I started trying to break my social media addiction, I would constantly find myself going back even though I wanted nothing more than to stay away and really focus on improving my life as a whole.

The key here is learning what NOT TO DO — like staying off of social media entirely because those sites are all about keeping us in a negative state. Instead, consider finding something else to do that could improve gradually in your life over time.

5. Practice new ways of thinking about yourself, your goals, and your life so you can replace old habits with healthy ones.

No matter how many self-sabotaging habits we have, the key is to replace them with healthier ones. This could be anything from making sure you’re getting enough sleep and meditating in order to clear your mind before bedtime so that it’s easier for these thoughts not to come up again.

One of my main healthy coping mechanisms was journaling about what I wanted out of life — this allowed me to get things off my chest instead of keeping everything bottled inside where it would only lead towards negative thinking later on.

6. Write down three reasons why it’s worth trying to change

The reasons are endless — from being able to avoid putting yourself down so that you can have a more positive outlook on your life, or it could even help bring back relationships with loved ones if they see that you’re trying to change for the better! There’s no limit as to what can happen when we put our minds towards something and stop sabotaging ourselves.

It will be hard at first, but these new thoughts and actions will become second nature over time because your brain knows how much better things can get if only you give them a chance. With enough determination, anything is possible.

7. Find something that can support you during this process

• An accountability mirror (Staying true to yourself)
• A cookie jar (A list with all of your pasts successes)
• A philosophy (Stoicism, Taoism, or any other)
• A goal board
• A friend who can help support you during this process.
• A therapist or counselor if needed.

8. Track your progress

Keep track of all the progress you make by writing it down in a journal or on your phone. This way, you can see how far you’ve come and remembered all of the new things you learned — this also helps to remind yourself that change is possible if we want it bad enough.

“Denial is the ultimate comfort zone.”

― David Goggins, Can’t Hurt Me: Master Your Mind and Defy the Odds

The Bottom Line

The bottom line is that self-sabotaging habits are bad for both your physical health and mental well-being, so don’t ignore them any longer.

Start writing down anything that comes up to make things happen with whatever means necessary because there’s no time like the present.

It’s worth trying to change; even though it will be hard at first, just remember why you’re doing this and how far you’ve come.

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