ADDICTION UNCOVERED

Self- Preservation

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered Ch 50

It is very important to take care of ourselves to be able to take care of others in our lives or work.

This can be hard sometimes when people are caring and compassionate. It can be hard to say no. It can be hard to take care of ourselves when we are so used to taking care of others. My kids and friends remind me of this all the time. They say it is ok mom, to do something for ourselves. I had seen throughout my work in addiction and the community how difficult can it be for family and friends when they have someone whom they love trapped in the addiction cycle.

Beth said:” I just don’t go and cannot be around and hang out with people if I know they use anything. I just can’t.”

She described separating herself to prevent herself from being drawn into their drama. Beth does not trust someone with an addiction problem, she does not trust the behavior, she describes a line between drinking a little occasionally which she finds acceptable, she would not hang out with someone drunk. Beth feels she cannot help somebody who won’t help themselves. She describes a friend growing up who got into drugs and she was trying to do everything she could for her, then she had to decide to separate herself from it, she did not want to be like that. She did not want to use drugs. She felt like people who use drugs have a separate world where everybody uses drugs. She had to separate herself and make a decision about who does she want around her children. Beth describes that having children changes everything.

Mary described frustration sometimes when trying to help others.

She is not the only one. Following through with something is important to Mary, if she said she will do something she will follow through. She describes this as a core value. Also seeing the potential that others have and watching them sabotage themselves and see them in pain has been hard.

Angel mentioned that sometimes it is easier to put someone at arm’s length because of all the craziness that is going on with addiction. Angel describes the difficulty her parents had to go through to be there for her brothers and also protect themselves financially and emotionally while still being supportive. Sometimes they had to make hard decisions.

Paige had to decide to move out of her mother’s and stepfather’s house as being with them was not a good place to raise her family related to the drinking that was going on in the house. Originally, they moved together to save money. She had to decide to protect her children and herself. It is to a point now that she just cannot be around them a lot. This hurts her and her mom, it is very hard. Her children are also embarrassed by it, her youngest picked her stepfather up once when he needed a ride and he was so drunk that the car reeked of the smell of alcohol for hours after he was gone. Her husband saw him recently and he was bumping into walls.

It has been very sad for Paige, and she just can’t be more involved, she is protecting herself and her family from the pain that this addiction causes.

Paige feels sad and frustrated about the whole situation. She wants to be helpful and also does not want to push her mom away either. It is a very fine balance. She talked to her mom and told her that if she needs help and wants to leave or if he wants to go to treatment, they will be there for her. She will not bail them out of financial problems that are caused by the drinking. Paige’s feelings had been hurt so many times that she has difficulty to be understanding and she has to be careful how much time she spends with them because it causes more hurt and pain. On her father’s side, there is a dangerous situation that involves heroin and drug use to a point that Paige cannot even be involved with that part of her family at all. She describes that part of her family as doing toxic and despicable things.

Paige feels bad about people who are addicted, she describes deep-rooted problems.

Tracy had to pull away from her family. It has been really hard to deal with all that is going on, it is too much. Ironically, she works with other families with similar problems. She got out of it somehow while others did not.

Please share your thoughts about self — preservation.

Previous chapters of Addiction Recovery can be found here

More about Gabriella and her work below

If you like my writing please follow me here, Subscribe to the Medium platform using my link here, Buy me a coffee here . My Books are available on my website here, Amazon here and on Barnes and Nobles here, Draft2Digital here

This book is dedicated to the memory of Bagóczky József my uncle who died at age 19 — alcohol-related car accident and to everyone else who has been hurt or lost related to addiction

Many people had been supportive and inspiring to me so I could create this book. Both of my wonderful children told me, just write that book, mom. My mom. I could have not done this without all the stories provided and the encouragement love and caring from my family and friends, nurses, doctors, counselors, teachers, professors, friends who are dealing with addiction and staying sober; and children, wives, husbands, mothers, fathers, sisters, brothers of people who are dealing with addiction currently. Thank you for speaking up, sharing your stories and life experiences. Thank you to all the people who read this book while in progress to provide feedback, ideas, and encouragement for me to continue writing. I would like to say special thanks to my friends and family for believing me and encouraging me to go on.

Our Society: Addiction and More Uncovered. Hear the voices of everyday people — a collection of stories and experiences.

Copyright @ 2020. 1st addition on Amazon KDP. 2nd addition Jan 2021 Barnes & Noble. Gumroad December 2021. By Dr. Gabriella Kőrösi. All rights reserved. Dancing Elephants Press.