Self-Love Is a Superpower

Loving within is a healthy way to honor the true you.

After many years of searching for love in all the wrong places, I’ve finally uncovered the source….it was buried deep inside of me.

This self-love was present my entire life, it just took me over half a century to truly access it.

To be able to reach this pot of gold within me, I needed to heal from past traumas, change my unhealthy behaviors, and learn new coping skills.

And now that I’ve done that, it’s opened a new world of validating from within.

Self-love has changed my entire outlook on life and given me more clarity and peace.

What is self-love?

Self-love is the art of appreciating and respecting your own well-being.

It is a conscious practice of honoring your own wants and needs. These needs can come in many forms: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual.

Think of self-love as treating yourself like a valued friend or family member. It’s listening to your inner voice, encouraging from within, and forgiving yourself when you make an honest mistake.

Self-love is the voice inside of you that speaks gently and positively.

It encourages you to try your best but is understanding when you fail to succeed.

It pushes you to achieve and produce, but also lets you take a much-needed rest.

It helps you move past your missteps and bad decisions. Self-love is being in tune with what is genuinely best for you.

Self-love is not…

Self-love isn’t arrogant or obstinate.

It’s not about thinking you are better than others or putting yourself up on a pedestal.

It’s not about being perfect or presenting a version of yourself to the world that isn’t authentic.

It isn’t being harsh or negative with yourself.

It doesn’t hold you accountable for your past transgressions and remind you of them repeatedly.

It doesn’t disregard your feelings or push you past your limits. Most importantly, self-love isn’t selfish.

Getting in tune with my wants and needs.

Going to therapy helped me process some unresolved childhood and early adult traumas that I hadn’t dealt with.

It gave me the tools to manage my anxiety by calling it out and practicing techniques such as cold morning showers and connecting with my breath.

Therapy also showed me how to truly sit in self-reflection through mindfulness. And by diving headfirst into self-reflection, I could clearly see that I was ignoring my inner needs and wants.

For a long time, I had been living to serve the needs of others. I had put myself on the back burner of life, as wives and mothers often do.

Being out of touch with the inner me was feeding my anxiety and negative self-talk.

So, I started to re-assess what was important within. And reconnected with things that I was most passionate about, writing being one of those.

In junior high and high school, I really enjoyed taking journalism classes and being a part of the yearbook staff. These helped me express my inner creative side.

Once I started college, I became immersed in learning and acquiring the skills I needed for my biology degree. After college, I was busy working and commuting and lost touch with the writer part of me.

I blogged and journaled a bit over the years, but not with any sort of regularity. And when my son was born, I wrote letters to him to help capture his youth and development. I am still doing that in his teenage years to preserve these moments in time.

Towards the end of last year, I began regularly writing again. I found Medium and began composing and publishing personal narratives.

Learning to Love Myself

Writing has been my catalyst to help me access my inner love.

I wrote narratives about my battles with anxiety and depression. These took hold of me after losing two family members unexpectedly in rapid succession.

By naming these battles, some of their crippling power over me began to dull. And I was able to heal and move forward.

I’ve learned to ride the waves of my emotions and observe my feelings without letting them take over or become a directive for my life.

Meditating, sitting with my feelings, and taking walks in nature has helped things flow more naturally and calmed me from within.

I’ve also become aware of my anxious attachment style and chronic people-pleasing ways, mostly through reading online and self-help books.

Journaling regularly, speaking to myself in a supportive and positive manner, and stopping neglecting my needs have helped me move towards a healthier, more secure attachment style.

I’ve created and set up more boundaries than I’ve ever had before. Honoring my needs and putting myself first is new for me.

Being direct and clear in my communication with my family and friends, saying no when I need to, and steering away from what doesn’t serve me have helped erect those much-needed boundaries.

I’ve learned to be good company to myself.

Self-love enables me to fully embrace life.

Now that I’m loving me to the best of my ability, life feels a lot more smooth and less arduous.

It’s such a relief to not rely on others for external validation or wait for words of encouragement to brighten my day. I do that on my own.

Self-love protects me from unexpected landmines thrown my way and enables me to better handle the ebbs and flows of life.

My life journey has morphed from a roller coaster ride to a fun house. The roller coaster ride felt way too fast and out of control, which often made me anxious, stressed, and upset.

In the new fun house of life, I can go with the flow of the unexpected.

The surprising and scary parts make me cringe or cry, but then I move past them. The silly and ridiculous parts make me laugh so hard I snort. And the beautiful moments in between? Those remind me to stop and soak it all in.

I am now my own best cheerleader, instead of my worst enemy. My best cheerleader knows I’m not perfect and doesn’t expect that…she loves me just as I am.

That worst enemy still resides within me, but she’s becoming weaker by the minute. The more I’m honest with myself and honor my needs and wants, the dimmer her light becomes.

Embrace your superpower.

Self-love is there for the taking inside of all of us, you just have to find how to best access it.

Your journey will be different from mine, but a great start is made by being encouraging, forgiving, and accepting of yourself.

Be honest about who you are. Call out your battles and inner demons by name. Find what works best to help you process your inner trauma, emotions, and feelings.

Once you’ve unlocked your self-love, it’s amazing the opportunities you’ll begin to see. The calm from within has a ripple effect that makes everything that much clearer.

As always, thanks for sticking with me until the end of my piece.

Conceivably Me is a Fifty-something mom closing in on the empty nest stage. Human Intelligence (HI) writer, Biologist, Playlist Maker, and Recovering People Pleaser.