Self help for the seriously injured
When regular self-help doesn’t cut it
One thing I learned early after being hit by a car is that there is no useful self-help out there for those that are seriously injured — but not so seriously injured that you’re assigned a team of health professionals to look after you 24x7.
Let me be clear here. I LOVE self help books. They’ve gotten me out of many a jam in my career and shifted my thinking in my personal life when required. However, nothing, not even in the medical self-help category came close to being appropriate for my recovery.
Everything I read started with things like;
- Get out and go for a walk.
- Get into nature.
- Do the things you love.
- Have great sex.
- Throw yourself into your work.
- Buy new shoes.
Don’t get me wrong, all of the above, when used appropriately can be good for the very soul. In fact, walking in nature or even just around your neighbourhood has been shown to be just as effective at treating mild to moderate depression as antidepressants in numerous studies*.
However, when all of those things are effectively off the table because a: you can’t walk/use your body, b: you’re drugged out of your mind quite a bit of the time, c: you can’t really leave the house and/or d: you can’t sit, stand or focus for more than x minutes at a time and e: you’re not even up to wearing shoes, what the hell are you meant to do?
Nothing I came across felt like it fit my needs. And I searched everywhere. For a year.
That’s when I stumbled across Jordan Peterson (of 12 Rules for Life fame) on a podcast. Now, granted he’s not for everyone and he can be pretty intellectual, but his daughter was really ill for a while and the only way through each day, he explained, was with baby steps, fairy steps, nano steps. So go for a walk turns into take 5 steps or 10 steps or whatever you can do — even if it’s just standing up or raising one hand or a single finger. Read a page or a single line of your favourite book. Smell something nice. Let an amazing piece of chocolate sit on your tongue and dissolve. Ba-by steps.
Think about what you can do. It might just be sitting in the sunshine — which really does do wonders (don’t forget your Factor 50) — and yes, you get bonus points if you had to walk the 5, 10 or 100 steps to get there. Or listing five things you’re grateful for (even if it takes all day to find those five things and yes, I’ve had those seriously grumpy days along the way too).
For me, baby steps has been getting through an hour or two a day of research on my PhD — mostly just doing transcription work, working out who to interview next or how to think about my coding. Some days that was torture and I’d be in wads of pain by the time my hour was up. Some days it had to be split into 30 min blocks because that’s all I could manage in terms of focus or pain. That I couldn’t drop my shoulder and ‘get deep into it’ drove me bonkers. But I did what I could do. At some point more would be possible.
It’s the same with my work. Little bits at a time and a good team. We can still achieve good outcomes, I just had to learn to work differently.
It’s all about reframing
You just need to reframe or change your point of reference. The word ‘just’ makes reframing sound easy when it’s not really. In fact, it can be excruciatingly hard. But it can be done. It just takes time (which suddenly I had in spades) and patience (which I had very little of, but have slowly learned to practice — although I still suck at it).
And on the days when the pain is all consuming (thank god those days are getting less and less), well, I’ve learned the hard way, there’s no point in pushing through. In my previous life, I’d achieved deity level of pushing through. Now, I’ve learned (am continuing to learn) to go more gently on myself, have a warm bath, sit outside, pat the dog, list the things I’m thankful for, do a meditation, listen to an interesting podcast or book, or, yes, watch something on Netflix.
So if you find yourself having been benched because of a significant injury, be kind to yourself. It’s going to take as long as it takes and you trying to ‘hustle’ might end up doing more damage. Figure out what your own baby steps might look like and aim for a couple of those a day or one a week — whatever you can do today. That’s all anyone can ask. I wish you well on your recovery.
*Disclaimer: I am not a Dr. And if you’re on antidepressants (which can necessary/appropriate for a whole range of people/conditions), please discuss your treatment with your primary healthcare professional before stopping them and trying something different.
I really appreciate you reading my work. I’d love it if you clapped it too. It lets more people see it — maybe even someone who desperately needs it to get their life back.
Want to read lots more great articles and support my writing and thousands of amazing writers on Medium? You might want to think about subscribing. You’ll get access to every story whenever you’re wanting to read them — it’s just $5/mth — that’s probably less than a single morning coffee. Now, that’s good value. You can subscribe here.