Self-Esteem At Any Age

We all deserve to have a healthy self-esteem!

As I celebrated my sixty first birthday this year (how did that happen so quickly?) I have really started to analyse how the modern elder copes with mental health issues that so many think are reserved for the younger generation. I started to wonder if society ignores the feelings of the older generation, like somehow mental health doesn’t affect them.

After talking to my retired members of the regular writing group I host, I concluded that the modern elder still feels the same insecurities and vulnerabilities that we did as teenagers or young adults. I certainly have struggled with low self-esteem throughout my life and at the age of sixty-one, I still feel that struggle.

It is therefore such a shame and a by-product of ageism that the elder generation are often forgotten and made to feel invisible when it comes to mental health problems. There is a yearning in my soul to make sure that this wise and vital group of people (myself included) are represented in the world today. Let us embrace and include the modern, wise elders as part of our world, whilst recognising they do have emotional issues just like the rest of society.

Whilst researching the mental health issues that so many elders face, I realised that self-esteem is a huge topic of concern for them. Yes, we often think of low self-esteem as being the focus of young, troubled teenagers and young adults and yet the reality is that the older generation can feel genuine and terrifying bouts of low self-esteem. Taking my research, I recently facilitated a workshop on this very issue for a wonderful group of elders who all admitted that they struggled with self-esteem following retirement.

Self-esteem is a popular term used across the internet, social media and is the theme for many self-help books. Many of us can experience low self-esteem at any point in our life, which is usually triggered by a negative event such as rejection, feeling of failure or disappointment.

To have a healthy self-esteem is to have an appreciative, positive opinion of oneself, to accept who we are, our physical and emotional traits and everything else that makes us be the person we are.

Issues with self-esteem arise when we start being critical of ourselves and find negative aspects of our life that then destroys our healthy outlook. It is much easier to be critical of oneself than to think positive thoughts and yet low self-esteem can have a massive impact on our life.

So, what can we do to help improve our self-esteem? Here are my thoughts to help your self-esteem at any age.

1 — Look at your thought pattern. Be mindful of what negative words you are using that may be contributing to your low opinion of yourself. Do you constantly put yourself down? Do you use derogatory words or phrases such as ‘I’m not good enough’ or ‘I look awful today’ or ‘I’m no good at anything.’ Try recognise when your negative thoughts wander in and then make an attempt to stop the negativity and replace it with positive thoughts. Question these negative thoughts — after all, they are only thoughts and often not reality. It’s important not to believe everything you think — this is especially relevant for me!

2 — Following on from the above point, be proactive in changing the story and your thoughts. If you are constantly putting yourself down, then it can be hard work trying to stop this bad habit. But it is achievable. Try using positive affirmations such as ‘I am worthy’ ‘I can do that’ ‘I am a person worthy of love’ ‘I am beautiful, inside and out’ ‘I am loved’ ‘I can achieve anything’ ‘I am successful in my life.’ If we repeat positive affirmations enough times, our mind becomes programmed into believing them. This boosts our self-esteem and we start feeling good about ourselves, pushing the negative thoughts away.

3 — Stop comparing yourself to others. People might appear to have a perfect life, but the reality may be different. It is easy to look at others and think ‘She is far prettier than me’ or ‘He is more successful than I am’ or ‘She is so much more confident than me.’ Don’t assume that what you see on the outside of a person is the truth. People often hide fears and insecurities from the public world. Comparing yourself to others can lead to feelings of anxiety and doubt and can lower your self-esteem.

4 — Try acting as though you have a healthy self-esteem. Be confident, smile and be assured in everything you do. You may not feel it inwardly but if we ‘act’ the part of a confident person then we fool our brain into thinking we are. This may sound a little crazy but try it! I use this method often when I am feeling unsure or lacking in confidence and it really does work.

5 — Have friends that are good for your self-esteem and make you feel positive about yourself. Don’t waste time and energy on people that put you down or can’t find anything good to say. Spending time with people who accept us for who we are and who say positive things about us helps improve our self-esteem. We feel valued and loved and appreciated when surrounded by people who uplift us. Be selective about your friends and recognize if someone is constantly putting you down. You deserve better!

Low self-esteem can have such a negative effect on our mental, emotional and physical health, whatever our age, so it really is worth addressing it once you have recognised the impact on your life. By taking small, but positive steps, you really can improve your self-esteem which will have a direct impact on your life for the better.

Have a wonderful day beautiful reader.

Until next time — Susanna x