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cissist themselves, what they are going through in life.<h1 id="d3e9">Hold them accountable for their actions</h1>Another way to defeat a narcissist is to hold them accountable for all their actions. You literally have to document their every move.You take records of any behavior that hurts you. Keeping records of every email, text, or conversation, complaining as often as required, and responding to false allegations.Most people avoid this strategy because it can be time-consuming, and exhausting. It seems antagonistic because you must be ready to defend yourself at all times.The narcissist will play the victim when you use this method. And it may seem like bullying. However, the key to this strategy is to be fair and just. Not harmful, not aggressive, or acting out of anger.When the narcissist does something good, you recognize that. And when they do something bad you hold them accountable. This strategy enforces strong boundaries while maintaining close contact with the person.<h1 id="8b4e">Maintain physical distance from them</h1>It can be difficult to create a distance with a narcissist especially if your abuser is your supervisor. However, you can limit your contacts by speaking to them only when it’s necessary and responding to questions as precisely as possible.It’s important you keep your communication with the narcissist very limited. Don’t ask any questions about their life, and don’t share your with them either.Remember you are not just distancing yourself from the narcissist but also from their group of friends. Because their friends can be playing double duty. They may act nice to you, but then they will be selling you out to the narcissist to be in their good graces.So trade very lightly with common friends you have the narcissist. And if the narcissist has turned some of your friends against you, it can be tough to let go.You may want to win those friends back and in the process, you may hurt yourself more. The best thing you can do is let them go. After you have done some healing, you can rebuild the friendships if it’s worth it.<h1 id="4c5c">Don’t indulge when they attack</

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h1>If you have distance yourself from a narcissist they will try to get you back by launching an attack or hovering around you.They may use something of importance to you against you so you will react. Whether what they say is good or bad, your response to them should be benign.Let’s say he compliments your outfit. You can simply respond with “Oh, that’s a very nice thing to say. Thank you.” But if he says something negative, your response should be “I’m really sorry you feel that way about me.”Don’t try to defend yourself or get stuck in the loop of arguing over any little negative comment they throw at you.Try to detach your emotions from what a narcissist says or does because whatever they say is either bait or trigger to lure you into another circle of emotional distress.<h1 id="f90c">Take control of the power they use against you</h1>The next thing you can do to disarm a narcissist is to take over the power they have over you at the moment.For example, if he says you are weird. Instead of getting into details to explain yourself, see this attempt as bait to trigger a negative reaction from you. If you respond with “see who is talking” given the nature of their personality, that will start an argument you won’t win.Instead show him you are happy the way you are, good or bad. But if the narcissist brings up something you are really insecure about, or makes you uncomfortable.You can respond with ‘You have a unique perspective,’ or ‘I see what you mean but I have come a long way.’This way you are taking the power away from the narcissist. Thereby deflating a conversation that would have escalated to something else.If you would like to get updated with stories like this in your inbox, <a href="https://jesblake85.medium.com/membership">subscribe</a> to my newsletter. You might want to <a href="https://jesblake85.medium.com/membership">become a premium</a> member, for as low as $5 you get the chance to read unlimited stories on Medium. Check out more of my relationship stories <a href="https://medium.com/@jesblake85/list/relationship-70ee0bbde134">here</a>.</article></body>

Self-Defensive Strategies to Defeat a Narcissist and Set Yourself Free

If you think you can be nice to beat a narcissist in their game, think again.

Sometimes there is nothing you can do to beat a narcissist in their own game. Other times, there are things you can do to limit their hold over you.

Now, these strategies will be a little extreme considering the set of individuals we are dealing with.

A narcissistic personality disorder is a complex psychological behavior. These individuals are well skilled in the art of manipulation and pretense.

So beating them using their tactics is almost impossible because they will always find a way to twist your mind to believe them and doubt yourself.

The best way to beat a narcissist is to act the opposite of their mind games. Without further introduction, let’s get to the five ways to defeat a narcissist without hurting yourself.

Detach your emotions from their actions

Most times we feel the narcissistic abuse is personal. Like they have some quarrel with us, which is why they hurt us.

We take their attack on us personally because we believe life should be fair. If we are nice, then we should meet once people. And if we are bad, then we should ultimately meet bad people. But with a narcissist, fairness does not apply to them.

They know their actions hurt people, however, most times they do not know what triggers them. So to beat a narcissist we should shit our mindset from believing that life is fair to accepting that life is unfair.

We must accept that there are discomforts in life and bad things happen to everyone from time to time. With this in mind, when a narcissist attacks you, you will know it has nothing to do with you. But rather the narcissist themselves, what they are going through in life.

Hold them accountable for their actions

Another way to defeat a narcissist is to hold them accountable for all their actions. You literally have to document their every move.

You take records of any behavior that hurts you. Keeping records of every email, text, or conversation, complaining as often as required, and responding to false allegations.

Most people avoid this strategy because it can be time-consuming, and exhausting. It seems antagonistic because you must be ready to defend yourself at all times.

The narcissist will play the victim when you use this method. And it may seem like bullying. However, the key to this strategy is to be fair and just. Not harmful, not aggressive, or acting out of anger.

When the narcissist does something good, you recognize that. And when they do something bad you hold them accountable. This strategy enforces strong boundaries while maintaining close contact with the person.

Maintain physical distance from them

It can be difficult to create a distance with a narcissist especially if your abuser is your supervisor. However, you can limit your contacts by speaking to them only when it’s necessary and responding to questions as precisely as possible.

It’s important you keep your communication with the narcissist very limited. Don’t ask any questions about their life, and don’t share your with them either.

Remember you are not just distancing yourself from the narcissist but also from their group of friends. Because their friends can be playing double duty. They may act nice to you, but then they will be selling you out to the narcissist to be in their good graces.

So trade very lightly with common friends you have the narcissist. And if the narcissist has turned some of your friends against you, it can be tough to let go.

You may want to win those friends back and in the process, you may hurt yourself more. The best thing you can do is let them go. After you have done some healing, you can rebuild the friendships if it’s worth it.

Don’t indulge when they attack

If you have distance yourself from a narcissist they will try to get you back by launching an attack or hovering around you.

They may use something of importance to you against you so you will react. Whether what they say is good or bad, your response to them should be benign.

Let’s say he compliments your outfit. You can simply respond with “Oh, that’s a very nice thing to say. Thank you.” But if he says something negative, your response should be “I’m really sorry you feel that way about me.”

Don’t try to defend yourself or get stuck in the loop of arguing over any little negative comment they throw at you.

Try to detach your emotions from what a narcissist says or does because whatever they say is either bait or trigger to lure you into another circle of emotional distress.

Take control of the power they use against you

The next thing you can do to disarm a narcissist is to take over the power they have over you at the moment.

For example, if he says you are weird. Instead of getting into details to explain yourself, see this attempt as bait to trigger a negative reaction from you. If you respond with “see who is talking” given the nature of their personality, that will start an argument you won’t win.

Instead show him you are happy the way you are, good or bad. But if the narcissist brings up something you are really insecure about, or makes you uncomfortable.

You can respond with ‘You have a unique perspective,’ or ‘I see what you mean but I have come a long way.’

This way you are taking the power away from the narcissist. Thereby deflating a conversation that would have escalated to something else.

If you would like to get updated with stories like this in your inbox, subscribe to my newsletter. You might want to become a premium member, for as low as $5 you get the chance to read unlimited stories on Medium. Check out more of my relationship stories here.