Self-Confidence for New Online Writers— Key Strategies on how to build & sustain it

Self-Confidence is the fuel for your life

Over the past 5 months, I have written & published daily. I have never written anything in my life before, let alone published online, apart from the usual emails and occasional tweets.

The only reason this was possible — I had to build my self-confidence and self-worth.

Despite thinking & acting like an introvert for decades, I’ve realized that I love being in the presence of people.

To share something I did that day. To add value to others.

But this required courage to speak up — to write publicly. To feel like I am worthy of contributing.

I share here my biggest learnings on confidence and self-worth.

The rationale for sharing this with you — if you are in the same position now, it may help you.

• Your voice matters.
• You have something to contribute.

In today’s article, I share the most important things I’ve learned about self-confidence.

KEY REALIZATION #1 — I wear my confidence as a mask and others see me through it

Without confidence, these don’t matter….

• How many degrees I hold;
• How funny I am;
• What skills I possess;

…because I actively hide my best skills from others.

These same traits — if only other people knew existed in me & can “see it” — would help me succeed like never before.

But without confidence, I actively prevent attention from being drawn to them.

Like an opaque mask I’ve put on myself and others don’t see my inner/true me & my skills and capabilities — they only see the mask.

KEY REALIZATION #2 — People treat me differently if I have high confidence.

My confidence level sends subconscious signals to people.

People read various indicators of…

• authority
• credibility
• power
• attraction

….through the confidence you project.

• The rate at which you sell • The speed of achieving a promotion at work • The ease with which you build relationships

… all hinge on your self-confidence

KEY REALIZATION #3 — Confidence can be built.

You can build my confidence through various means.

I will share some of the things that have helped me.

You need to know that similar to other skills, you can learn self-confidence. Nobody is born with it.

“To choose doubt as a philosophy of life is akin to choosing immobility as a means of transportation.”

𝐘𝐚𝐧𝐧 𝐌𝐚𝐫𝐭𝐞𝐥 (𝐋𝐢𝐟𝐞 𝐨𝐟 𝐏𝐢)

KEY REALIZATION #4 — What you think about YOURSELF matters as much as what others think of you

- Do you believe you deserve to succeed? - Do you think (prior to starting something) you’ll reach your goals? - Do you think you’ll one day have a great partner?

Whilst a ‘Yes’ doesn’t guarantee it, a ‘No’ to the above will be self-fulfilling.

We know confidence matters greatly.

But how do you build it? I tackle that in the next section.

Few Practical tips on how you can build self-confidence

#1 — Build a volume of work

I wanted to build confidence in my writing abilities — so I wrote frequently.

Every article I published built my volume of work.

It was very slow at first. One article a day. 2 hours each day. It felt like I was pushing a stone up the mountain.

I kept going.

Suddenly, I had 150 articles over 5 months.

This was my “volume of work”.

Now, I periodically “look” at my volume of work — and this helps me maintain confidence in my writing. Especially those days I am feeling ‘down’.

Key Takeway: Build a volume of work and look at it frequently to gain more inspiration and self-confidence.

#2 — Maintain a Jar of Awesome

Tim Ferriss coined the term “Jar of awesome”.

It’s designed to capture all of those cool moments that I’m not going to remember a week or months later.

Watch this video for more context

Whenever my “body of work” receives a compliment from anyone — I write it down…

…in a Notion table containing a list of all compliments on my “body of work” that I have ever received.

“External” validation such as relying on others’ complements can be tricky.

This is why “internal” confidence-building measures such as a volume of work are important.

But, when I look at praise or a thank you received from one of my readers, it adds another layer of confidence.

#3 — Have an opinion and share it

Train yourself to have an opinion on various things, not just be a passive consumer.

Yes, your opinion will change over time. That’s OK.

But its important for you to research, form your own opinions, and then share them with others.

Caveat your viewpoints with assumptions and known blind spots where appropriate. But, share your views. Share your position on things with the ‘why’ and ‘how’ you reached that conclusion.

Do this repeatedly — this builds your self-confidence over time.

#4 — Do not only push forward but also take time to reflect

You need to look back at the week’s activities and reflect on what days you were feeling less confident.

What were the trigger factors on days you felt low confidence?

What can you do about it next week?

#5 — Raise your hand

Imagine you are in a zoom call or in a face-to-face team meeting and your boss or client asks something. It's a random question not directed at anyone in particular.

You know the answer.

Your whole body is burning to say it.

Yet you withhold it. “What if I say something incorrect?”

This is what low confidence does to you.

Learn to raise your hand next time this happens.

This is NOT about saying something just because you have to say it.

Rather, this is about NOT withholding when you know you have something valuable to say.

#6 — Overcome your fear of failure in public

As children, we are inherently curious. As adults, we hesitate to explore.

Why?

Fear of failure in public.

If you are experimenting, you will fail. You need to be comfortable failing in public.

And rediscover what you already knew as a kid — it's okay to play in the puddle of water in front of everyone, despite what they think. It's because you are insatiably curious and have no fear of failure in public or being judged by others.

Re-embrace this in your adult life.

Some additional resources that may help build your self-confidence:

[Books] • The Six Pillars of Self-Esteem — Nathaniel Branden • The Gifts of Imperfection — Brené Brown • Bulletproof Confidence — Patrick King

[Movies] • The pursuit of happyness [Will Smith]

Summary

• Confidence = mask + others see through it • High Confidence = People treat me differently • Confidence can be built • What I think of myself • Build confidence -Volume of work -Jar of Awesome -Have opinions -Reflect -Raise my hand -Be ok w/ failing in public

If you found this post valuable:

1. Follow me for more threads on my self-development journey and confidence-building — @BringInThenew (Twitter) and https://aravindmurthy.medium.com

2. Share what measures you’ve implemented to build your self-confidence. I’d love to try them myself.