Self-Care Is Not a Cream

A few months ago, as I flew back to New York from India, I got thinking about the buzzword that seemed to be everywhere, pervading the wellness and mindfulness communities especially.

“Self-care” — a phrase used copiously by writers, influencers, bloggers, and advertisers, mixed into reels, posts, and routines.

A term used to sell creams, massages, vacations, treatments, experiences, everything really.

But what does self-care mean in the long run, through various seasons of our journey?

As my plane flew over continents and over borders of countries, these words emerged, typed into the notes of my iPhone, and later edited.

Words reflecting on what self-care has meant to me through various transitions, from being a cancer graduate to becoming a journalist, wife, mother, author, and, well, like the rest of us — an ever-morphing, ever-evolving human on this stunning planet.

Here’s a poem offering:

Self-care is not a cream

It’s not a skincare routine — morning or evening

It’s not a scheduled massage

Or time by yourself

These are all tools — yes

Yet mere aides in figuring out the puzzle

That is your ever-changing self

True self-care is learning how to flow

With yourself and others

An evolving understanding of your history, biology, psychology, chemistry, geology

And ancestry

Of the habits & patterns that hold you back

And the ones that push you forward

It is a deep observation

Of yourself, yes, but also others around you

To see how we all act as mirrors

Bouncing reflecting, imitating judging typecasting, releasing learning

Long-lasting self-care is curiosity, wonder, and play

But also resolve self-control & restraint

It’s asking questions of yourself

And watching the answers change

It is knowing when to let go

And when to resist

When to run around doing many things

And when to focus only on one

It is a life-long study of how you change

And how you stay the same

It is love and respect

But also fire and fury

It’s extending care to others

But knowing when to retreat

And make more room for yourself

It’s a wild dance but also a sacred duty

An understanding of your environment

Where you fit in

And where you can & must break the mould

It is an art, craft, and a science

It must both build you up & break you down

And true self-care isn’t really possible

Without genuine care of the collective…..

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