Humor/Pop Culture

Seinfeld Is Still the Best Sitcom in History

Seinfeld Fans: Mount Up

In a recent exchange with the hilarious Kendra Sparkles (who may or may not have run away with George Costanza by now), I learned that she is a Seinfeld fan. I already knew Srini was, and now I’ve recently learned that Scott-Ryan Abt is a fan, and that he stores balloons in his house. Not special balloons, just everyday balloons for when he needs a boost.

It got me wondering how many of us are out there floating around making snide Seinfeld references in our homes and offices without anyone knowing what the hell we were talking about.

Just like any other jokes , you can’t explain them. I’m not going to sit and describe the scenario that brought us from talking about snacks to “These pretzels are making me thirsty!” When you know, you know.

It also seems like you were either a Friends fan OR a Seinfeld fan in the 90s. Maybe there’s some crossover, but my people will always be Seinfeld people. Friends always seemed like the trendy popular show, where Seinfeld was more for humorists and fans of ridiculous, complex humor.

It made me wonder how many of these little nuggets of hilarity have been floating around in my brain all these years.

There’s the “million to one shot” with fusilli Jerry and Kramer the “Assman” proctologist.

There’s the classic George Costanza the fake Marine Biologist who saved the beached whale to impress a girl.

There’s the famous one where George Costanza tries to get the cute photo developer to notice him and takes sexy pictures.

There’s Elaine Benis doing that weird little kick dance and working for J. Peterman. You know, the one that looks like a full-body dry heave.

There’s the whole series of problems between George and Lloyd Braun, and Kramer with FDR — or Franklin Delano Romanowski.

There’s the trademark “contest” episode, where they bet one another who can go the longest without masturbating.

And there’s Kramer installing a screen door in his apartment in “Anytown USA” and yelling at the kids in his front yard.

None of these mention Newman, the mailman and Jerry’s nemesis, who at one point wants to transfer to Hawaii but can’t deliver the mail because Kramer bit him because he was taking dog pills prescribed to him by the vet of Smuckers the dog.

Or David Putty, the mechanic turned face-painter, or the Soup Nazi.

Or the greatest holiday of them all: Festivus.

When I go to the movies, sometimes I want to have a Junior Mint — because it’s chocolate, it’s peppermint — it’s delicious!

When I grow up, I want to work at Vandelay Industries.

Whenever I play Trivial Pursuit, if I don’t know an answer, the answer is always “Moops.”

Sometimes when I can’t see right, I tell my wife my rods and cones are all screwed up and I call broccoli a vile weed.

When I hear someone shaking a pack of Tic Tacs, I suspect there’s a “sidler” nearby.

I dream of quitting my job by getting food all over Babe Ruth’s uniform and driving around the parking lot of my office with the company trophy dragging behind my car.

When I get out of the pool, I always remind my wife that I was in the pool.

And sometimes when I’m driving down the road, for some reason I sing about driving around in Jon Voight's car.

As I type these I realize they are right in front of my mind. They have become part of my humor lexicon, and they continue to bring me joy whenever they cross my path.

The interplay between all the characters got more fun as the show went on. Their stories became more entangled and more ridiculous, and all on a show about nothing.

So this one goes out to all the Seinfeld fans out there who still make obscure references that nobody around them seems to understand. We need to support each other.

We hear you, and you are not alone.