Seek Healing before Happiness

Don’t Seek Happiness. If you seek it, you won’t find it, because seeking is the antithesis of happiness.

The biggest lesson I’ve learnt on my healing journey is ‘healed’ and ‘happy’ are not synonymous. While the two can exist together, they’re existence is not reliant on the other.

Happiness is an emotional state, healed is a state of being.

In a time powered by our pursuit of positivity, our persistence to be happy has pushed us to a point of denial. While we gloss over our pain with polished affirmations, we place temporary pain relievers on a pedestal and push the long-lasting effects of these coping mechanisms aside.

After a while of pursuing happiness, I realised that ‘being happy’ is a temporary solution to persistent problems in my life. If I wanted to find genuine, lasting joy, then I needed acknowledge the depths of my pain.

Pain, while unwelcome and uncomfortable, can serve as our greatest teacher. When something hurts us to the core of our existence, we find the opportunity to peel back the superficial layers of ourself and confront our vulnerabilities and trauma. In the rawness of our pain is where we come face-to-face with our authentic selves, detached from societal standards or personal pretences. In these moments of self-confrontation, we embrace the prospect of true introspection and gain insight into our true character, morals, and values.

There’s a powerful scene at the end of the Pixar movie ‘Inside Out’ where Joy finally embraces Sadness and recognises the importance of her role in Riley’s journey. As soon as Joy allows Sadness to contribute, Riley is able to surrender to the true depths of her pain and allow the healing to begin. Once I began acknowledging and feeling the pain, the true healing process began. I no longer chased happiness, rather, I allowed the pain to consume me until we learnt how to co-exist.

Learning to coexist with pain involves a shift in perspective. Acknowledging pain as a part of the human experience rather than viewing it solely as a challenge to conquer. Healing is recognising that while we may not have been the cause of our pain, how we recover is our responsibility. Making the choice to take your healing process into your hands in an empowering act after facing adversity, as we find the balance of surrendering to our emotions but controlling how we process them and learn to live with our pain. When you accept pain’s place in your life, you are better able to find moments of joy despite its presence.

The pursuit of a positive experience is a negative experience. The acceptance of a negative experience is a positive experience.

Happiness is an emotional state. It is not permanent, and the more we seek it, the harder it is to find. To be healed means accepting that not every moment of everyday will bring positive emotions, but being comfortable in the presence of pain and pursuing your life path together. Acknowledging your trauma and adapting your lifestyle in order to comfortably co-exist is a powerful act of self-surrender. The profound truth is happiness cannot be attained at the expense of the depletion of pain. When you make the conscious decision to surrender to what is causing your unhappiness, you find that genuine, lasting joy stems from the depths of healing.

If you liked this post then please sign up to my free newsletter! Weekly authentic healing tips and practises. Expert insights on holistic wellbeing. Inspiring stories of personal transformation. Exclusive offers and opportunities.