Secondhand Generosity Is Not Generosity
When I receive a gift, I assume it’s because I’m valued. Gifts represent a sense of care.
Selfish Spending
I feel a bit silly for being upset about this, but I am.
A family member bought himself an expensive gold chain. He’s a penny pincher, so the purchase was surprising. He rarely bought his wife jewelry and had never given her an expensive gift like this.
He counted his money and bragged about having a large savings account. He was going to retire with wealth and comfort. We were reminded every time we visited.
He once complained about the price of bubble bath. Yet, he could buy himself an expensive gift. He didn’t even buy his wife flowers. He would tell her that she had flowers in the garden. Why should he buy her flowers that will just die in a vase?
I honestly have to bite my tongue in these conversations.
Secondhand Giving
About a month after buying himself the very manly heavy gold chain, he decided it didn’t suit him and told his wife that she could have it.
My heart broke into pieces when she showed it to me. She was excited about the ‘gift’.
I gritted my teeth into a smile which probably looked more like a grimace. This was not a gift! This was an expensive buyer’s regret hand me down from a husband to a wife.
She genuinely didn’t see the insincerity.
I did.
I also saw the insult. Now that he didn’t see the value in the gold chain, it suddenly became enough to give to his wife.
This secondhand generosity was not generosity at all. It was blaringly obvious that he didn’t value her.
My Trigger
This happened years ago, but when something similar happened to me recently, it triggered the memory.
Unlike the wife in this story, I politely rejected the ‘gift’. I was labeled as ungrateful.
The difference here is that I recognized the insincerity and I value myself. So, no thanks, keep your ‘gift’.
Thank you
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