Secondary benefits or why people choose to suffer.

I can’t make peace with my husband, I don’t make it to work on time, I constantly complain and get offended, I’m not ready to give up (this may be your option).

It seems that there is nothing easier than going out early and being on time for work, saying words of gratitude rather than complaints and insults, so what’s stopping you?

Why do people choose to suffer? This question may seem strange, because who would voluntarily choose to suffer? However, in fact, there is such a thing as “secondary benefits” that can motivate people to stay in unpleasant situations.

Secondary benefits are not obvious, not lying on the surface needs, the satisfaction of which is more significant than reconciliation or gaining approval from superiors.

Secondary benefits are the psychological or emotional benefits that a person receives from remaining in a negative situation. For example, a person may receive sympathy and attention from others when he talks about his problems. This can create the feeling that his problems are important and that he is not alone.

In addition, suffering can give a person a sense of control over their life. In some cases, people choose to stay in an unpleasant situation because they know what awaits them in this situation, and this creates a feeling of stability and predictability.

Also, suffering can serve as a defense mechanism that helps a person avoid other, deeper problems. For example, a person may engage in their suffering in order to avoid paying attention to their internal conflicts or unresolved problems.

But why do people choose to suffer when there is an opportunity to change their situation? One of the reasons is fear of the unknown. Even if a situation is unpleasant, it is familiar, and the person may fear that changing the situation will lead to even greater problems or failure.

Additionally, sometimes people may believe that they deserve to suffer. Low self-esteem and guilt can cause a person to remain in a negative situation because he believes that he is not worthy of better.

But it is important to understand that the choice to suffer or change your situation is an individual decision for each person. Sometimes, people may realize that the secondary benefits are not worth their suffering and begin to look for ways to change their lives. In such cases, the support and understanding of others can play an important role in helping a person overcome their fears and doubts.

Recently, a client in a session said that she sees how behind her action there is, in one case, a need for more attention, and in another, a desire to punish another.

Such awareness does not come in the first session or even in the first ten meetings. A person makes such an important discovery after acquiring sufficient skills of introspection and identification of his feelings and emotions. When he already has sufficient capacity and is ready to meet new knowledge about himself.